To be fed with Dp and his attitude to illness?

[kittywise]

I understand and sadly accept the concept of man flu like the rest of us beleaguered women.

Now for the last week or so we have had the normal round of colds, there are a lot of us so it takes a long time to work its way through.

I am under the cosh atm, have no one to help in the house and am frantically searching for new au pair/mother's help, so exhausted and run down.

I have had said cold and because I'm very tired and overworked can't shift it. ( everyone else has of course) It has gone to my sinuses now and I'm in considerable pain, snot continues to pour out, hacking cough, tight chest etc etc. On top of this I have a D&V bug, lovely, but I soldier on because like most women I've got no bloody choice.

I have 2 gripes.

I said to (d) p this afternoon " I now have awful sinus pain on top of the D&V"

Complete silence from him, he continues being very interested in the news on the radio.

I wait a couple of mins for some sort of response and say "did you actually hear what I just said to you?'

He turns radio off dramatic fashion" yes I did, I don't know what to say"

"Oh: I say how about:
"oh you poor thing that's rough on you"
"can you take anything for it?"
"hope it doesn't last long, you really are in the wars"
"can I get you a drink?"
"If you are not better on monday go to the drs amongst" other helpful suggestions.

He says nothing at all and I leave the room.

Late after school run he says " you know ds1 had that trouble with his chest whilst running in the school cross country? Well I've just tried to go for a run and couldn't breathe properly. Me and ds1 have got the same bug.

Is this normal behaviour?
Do most men completely ignore the fact that their partner is ill? Why is everyone else allowed to be ill but me?

What REALLY PISSES ME OFF is the complete lack of acknowledgment that I might quite be ill.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this, please

DH and I have a "illness parteship" I NEVER EVER EVER accuse him of having man's flue, and when I am poorly he always takes very good care of me. I almost feel as it seems from posts I am very privileged...

It is always much worse for DH than for me when I am ill. Everytime I cough or sneeze is torture for him. Never mind that I feel like poop with a rasping throat and nose just about falling off from blowing it too much - he has to listen to it .

And am I the only one that (back when we had a spare room) would decamp to the spare room when I was ill so that DH at least could get a good night's sleep. Now fair enough making use of the spare bed, DH would be at work the next day after all, but why did I have to go, despite that fact that I had to take tissues, cough sweets, decongestant, asthma inhalers, water and extra pillows with me, whereas he could just have got up and gone by himself?

YANBU..DH has a 'policy' of not giving sympathy when I am ill as he seems to believe offering any sympathy or help will make me dependent on him and make the illness last longer.He has actually admitted this Its the one thing about him that I really really cant get along with.God forbid I ever get seriously ill..

I got sent home from work last week as I fainted during a meeting (have the chest infection thingy thats going round as do the kids, and neither of us had had much sleep looking after them for a few days prior)DH is doing his final accounting exams next week.He now has a bad cold, which is probably as bad as whatever I have..So we are both as sick as each other.DH is at college today and tomorrow and has complained bitterly at having to go out..which is fair enough, I do understand.However he seems to think that being at home with two under 3 year olds when you feel like death yourself is a piece of piss!

Both DDs asleep at the moment.Thank goodness.I have come back to bed.

I long for a spare room!Then I could get away from his mithering at least

Kitty - glad you're feeling a bit better and, thanks - was staring to wonder if it was me.

Did have words this morning, and got a big hug. Thing is my mum's a bit of hypochondriac and I've suffered from panic attacks in the past so he tends to be a bit dismissive.

Also has his own mum in hospital at the mo (2 weeks already, looks like another couple and not local either).

I feel ok now, but quite shaken up. Didn't have a headache, just the other stuff - dodgy vision and couldn't think straight or speak properly. I don't normally even suffer from bog standard headaches so migraine just didn't occur to me and I was scared witless.

Anyway, all's well(ish) now. Hope everyone else is soon on the mend too.

Hope you are feeling better kittywise. men are just tossers when it comes to this stuff. Me and ds had a tummy bug a few weeks ago, throwing up, achey, shivers, headache, and when I told dh how I felt and that ds must be feeling awful, he just said...... 'There's always summets wrong with you.'

I was really pissed off as actually I am very rarely ill and when I am I don't really say much about it. He did redeem himself slightly though by taking care of poorly ds in the night and washing all his sicky sheets! Just annoying as when he gets a cold, he walks round the house groaning and doubled over, hobbling round the furniture, he's 25 not 85???

Men are all useless and ain't that the truth?

They are only good for one thing and , let's face it, most aren't much good at that either.

Thank you for all you kind words of support and stories that have made me know I'm not alone.

Dp let me go off to bed today in acknowledgment that I had done too much yesterday. I slept for 2 hours.

Hope you're feeling better today.

dh is awful whenever i'm ill, once, i was in the bathroom with a bad d&v bug, he got up, got dressed and just left for work without saying a word. i had to ring him and ask him to come back, there was no way i could manage with the kids on my own. then i got moaned at because in between vomiting, i hadn't made him any tea

Molly Cherry - you sound as though you had an ocular migraine - which I had earlier this year. It consisted of black spots in my vision and then wavy lines - it was most odd and I was very shaken by it.

And my exH was very very unsympathetic when I was ill.

At the millenium I got real flu and was in bed. He didn't come in to offer me drinks or anything in fact so I crawled on hands and knees to lounge to ask him for a drink.

Funnily enough my health has been better since we split. Hope that continues.

Poor you! Just go to bed... if you just stop doing everything, your DP will just have to take over. No point in being a martyr cos he sucks at sympathy.

Makes me extra appreciative of my DH though. I had D&V last weekend, and he just quietly did everything while I groaned on the sofa... I didn't need to ask him or anything. He's a good man!

These stories are so

What on earth is wrong with them?

My sons show real consideration for me when I'm ill and I do them.

Let's hope they can do the same for their wives.

YANBU. But, go to bed and let him deal with it...dont even bother to ask just do it. He will look after dc because he is there and he can.

I dont have that option and it is awful trying to look after them when you're ill.

haunted city - glad your health has improved. Thanks for the ocular migraine suggestion - will look that up - was bloody terrifying. Just hope it doesn't happen again.

How long did it go on for MC? Mine went on for about 30 minutes - I had no idea what was happening. I kept saying to my son 'I can't see' Actually I could see but just weird things.

I think it is quite common and could be hormone related. I see a homeopath and she said that none of her 'patients' have had another one although my GP thought I would. I don't feel freaked by it now as if it happened again there would be warning and although unpleasant at least would know what it was.

I eventually ended up at Moorfields Eye hospital that day so I feel fairly confident they know what they are talking about.

My DH does exactly the same. If I say I feel poorly - his standard response is always the same:-

'Godsake, you ARE always bloody ill'

Then he rolls his eyes and walks off.

I could be carrying my severed head in a box and he'd have the same response...

God help dp when he next gets ill. I try my best to ignore his death cries but he goes on and on and on until I say something.
Next time I shall remind him how he was this time and say that I refuse to discuss his 'illness'

my dh's best line when i pointed out that he couldn't have the d&v bug that had laid me and the kids out was....

that's because i've been forcing myself not to be sick.

oh right. not like weak-willed me who has just allowed this bug to take hold then.....

It's a cracker

My dp is the same I have felt crap for 8 weeks due to early pg and he told me stop acting like an invalid and just get on with it .

A couple of years ago he went to the dr's with a bug and came back with glandular fever so I took great care of him and watched him scoff chicken tikka masala amongst other things you would think he couldn't face ...turned out the GP told him he had a bug but if he felt rubbish in a week to come back and he would test for Glandular fever .

I also once rang my dad in desparation when I had a UTI and begged him to take me and the lo's to my mums because dp was been so crap ,he took me and left the lo's with dp .

I actually think my dp gets it from his mum funnily enough ,his dad can be really ill think plurasy and severe chest pain and she will be stressing at him and making him drive her places ..but when she gets ill the world stops .

Ha!My DH now has a terrible cold.I reminded him of his 'no sympathy policy' last night when he asked me in a pathetic voice to make him a Lemsip.Strangely he couldnt remember every saying that

When I'm ill, my DH suddenly seems animated/chatty/lively. But he won't do a damn thing to help me. When I am well again he is miserable/tired/moody. What's his game then?