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[JustWantThemToUnderstand]

ok this will probably be pretty long as I have a few things I need to get off my chest before i go totally insane.

I was on my own with ds1 from when he was 22m old until 2006 when i met dp. I have a pretty laid back approach to parenting on some aspects for instance, I never gave him a strict bedtime nor meal time as I live by the rule that I cannot determine whether he will be hungry when I cook a meal....instead I let him lead the way. Dinner was always prepared before hand and he would just let me know when he was ready to eat.....(obviously not as a baby)
Bedtime, well this was another issue as we were always out and about sometimes not getting home until 8-9pm or later he had no strict bedtime. Which was not a problem to me.

Anyway I met DP in 2006 and shortly after we moved in together, as a family we get on really well but DP thinks ds1 should be in bed at 8.30 and I disagree. I let him go to bed at 9 and read until he falls asleep. DP thinks this is wrong.

Now on to ds2 1yr old, I have tried to get him into a routine and did manage to an extent that he had his naps at certain times meaning by the evening he would godown between 8.30 and 9pm. this was great as dp was working nights and it meant i then had some me time before i went to bed. However in July dp was made redundant,within a few weeks we moved, went on holiday and finally got round to unpacking from the move.

DS2 has a nap at 10.30, 1.30 and 5.30 but he is whingy before he nods off so what do ds1 and dp do??? take him out of his travel cot and play with him. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH this does not help. He needs these naps and I want him to have them. I keep telling them but they still do it. what the hell have I got to do to get through to them????

I am probably sounding confused or confusing to say the least its just there is so much going round my head at the moment that I don't know where to begin!

Another thing that is driving me mad is dss dp doesn't contact him and vice versa now dp says dss wants a £250 xmas present and he will buy it, I have said no we agreed to £50 for each dc and we will stick to it. His reply but we have had holidays without him....AND????? he has been asked to come but his mother won't let him. DP is not working and we are surviving on Income support until he finds something else. Why should I be accepting of the demands of dss AIBU to think the same should be spent on all dc's?

Ofgs i probably sound like a loon but i am not I am just so fed up with feeling like I am wrong for what I am saying.

which issue are you most upset about??

bedtimes, naptimes, the xmas present costs.....

i guess it is all of them, bedtimes with ds1 have turnd into a nightmare as do and i can't agree!!

DS2 naps I just want to keep him in the easy routine i got him into.

Xmas pressies well i just think if one gets that amount spent then all 3 should

ok, the bedtime thing. I disagree with you. Children do not know what's best for them, as they get older they whine to stay up late, if you let them they are crap in school the next day.

I pack the ten year old off to bed at 8 - some mornings she wakes naturally at 7, some I have to wake her at 7.30am. She goes through growth spurts where she needs more sleep. The routine helps her cope with her changing body - I'm sure that's no different with younger children. And it will be easier and the child will feel more secure.

I agree with you about the money for presents - very tough to negotiate though as you can't control what the step child eventually ends up with. I have a similar problem on the fostering board.

right....bedtimes, I have to say that your DP is right.

all children need boundries, and one of those is betimes and mealtimes being at a time to suit everyone, not just one person, and you should never let your child dictate this 100% of the time......when will he learn compromise?? he needs to know that his way os not the way, and if he is allowed to dictate bedtimes and mealtimes then he will be in for a shock as he gets older and the rest of the world do not accomodate him. Our role as parents are to help them become part of society, and how to follow rules and timetables.

plus, a child who is allowed to go to bed when they want is tired the next day at school, which effects everyones learning as they all feel the affects of a tired grumpy child.

your DS2 also needs not to have so many naps in the day. two is suffice once they hit 1yr, and I would do my damndest when once mine hit 6mths to stop them falling to sleep near teatime or bedtime (unless they were ill).

presents.........you are right. tis the same on each IMO. and if he can afford that much on one, he should on the others......but it doesn;t actually sound as tho he can afford that amount on all three, so what then?? your two miss out completely while DSS gets a mahoosive gift?

I agree your ds needs to have a set bedtime and stick to it. He wnt get enough sleep otherwise and will be tired the following day in school.
Again with dinner time I would cook a meal and site down and eat it at a set time as a whole family. I cook dinner to be eated at 6 so that ds can eat it, have a quick bath and get ready for bed have a book etc and be in bed for 7. This routine is just as much for me as it is for ds. I need some time for me. think you could have a nice relaxing evening if the kids were tucked up in bed earlier.

with ds2 i would let him have 2 naps one at about 10.30 and then stretch the next one and put him down for his next one at about 3.00

DS1 seems to be like me and not need much sleep. I can get him to go to bed earlier but then he is awake by 5 and therefore he is fed up by the time i am up at 7. If i let him read until he falls asleep he is generally asleep by about 10 latest anyway and always up at 7 - 7.15.

DS1 does not dictate the mealtimes now, he used to now though his dinner is ready same time as everyones but if he is not hungry then he will have it a bit later.

He knows how to follow rules etc, I have various rules he has to follow just never have had them for dinner or bedtime.

DS2 if i keep him awake through one of his nap times he is grumpy, he needs these naps.And then is difficult to settle of an evening as he is over tired.

As for xmas presents I am not going to sit back and let him buy £250 xmas present for 1 and not for the other 2. I do get riled that there is no contact from either until xmas b'days etc and believe me if my ds1 was like this with his father (not seen him for 3yrs) I would pull him up as well.