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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to go to this party?

16 replies

naturalblonde · 06/11/2008 16:17

My dh's step sister is 21 next month, her mum and step-dad are organising birthday meal in a restaurant, nothing really posh, just local italian. Anyway, SMIL called last night to invite me and dh, but not our 2 dds. She said it was adults only and could I 'offload' the girls at my mothers for the night.

I think it's really rude organising a family party but then not inviting my children, dd1 is 2yo so would probably enjoy a night at her grandma's, but dd2 is only 6 weeks and fully breastfed so can;t really leave her. I could express some milk, but she's only tiny and I'm not ready to leave her yet. They've booked it late in the evening so there is no way dd1 could stay up that late.

So AIBU? I think not, but maybe we should just go and not make a fuss? We've never had any family things before when children haven't been invited.

OP posts:
onebatmother · 06/11/2008 16:19

NOO! You can't leave a 6 week old baby!!! She's Ker-razy. Tell her that's illegal these days, ever since the Human Rights Act, or something

Good grief, who are these people that loathe and fear tiny babies? Madness!

Wizzska · 06/11/2008 16:23

No you can't go. YANBU. How can you leave a baby that young?

Bubbaluv · 06/11/2008 16:24

YANBU, but there's no need to make a fuss either way. Just say you're really sorry but you can't make it. I don't think it was rude, surely adults can have an adult evening, and if the arrangements don't suit you, you just don't go. Not the end of the world surely?

Bubbaluv · 06/11/2008 16:27

It's not that insane to think you might leave the baby IMHO. With mine, I could feed, be out for 2/3 hours and be back in time fot the next feed. This may not be the case with yours and you may not feel ready for that either, but they invited you in case you were able/happy to come along.
Can imagine the thread if they didn't bother to invite you because you are bf and so they ASSUMED you had no life from now on.

onebatmother · 06/11/2008 16:29

OR they could just let the 6 freaking week old come? I understand newborns don't run around causing restaurant havoc, on the whole?

Eniddo · 06/11/2008 16:30

I don't think its rude to book a family party and not want kids

but I think they should let your baby come

Bubbaluv · 06/11/2008 16:35

True, have you asked if you really can't bring the baby if she promises not to dance on the tables?

pigsinmud · 06/11/2008 16:37

I think a 6 week old should be an exception to the no kids idea. We had this when ds2 was 6 weeks old - dh's step brother was getting married. No children allowed at the wedding. His stepmother told him to leave boys with his mother. No way was I leaving 6 week old fully bf with someone else - I'd have to through the whole expressing charade and get him used to a bottle. We didn't go to the wedding, but went to the evening do .... only to discover there had been several small children at the actual wedding.

Twims · 06/11/2008 16:38

YABU - It's a party for adults and boring for children.

Bubbaluv · 06/11/2008 16:58

Twims, 6 week olds don't tend to be looking for ecxitement surely?

mayorquimby · 06/11/2008 17:10

yanbu to not go if you don't feel comfortable leaving your kid, but it's a party for adults so they are NBUat all in making that clear.

2shoes · 06/11/2008 17:12

yabu about her not inviting dc's
but yanbu about not wanting to leave your baby

falcon · 06/11/2008 17:37

YANBU for not wanting to leave your very young baby, however there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have an adults only party.

If you decline then do so graciously please. I don't think you're obligated to go though if you aren't comfortable leaving your dds.

Lowfat · 06/11/2008 17:44

YANBU, when DS was 4 months (and not breast feeding) a friends had an adults only party, but she let me bring him, 1: because I am a neurotic mother and as my best friend she appreciates this, 2: he had a condition where he stopped breathing if he got upset, 3: because he was only 4 months and was no trouble

DD stayed at same friends house with all the other children for whom she had booked two extremely competent child minders.

It is okay to have a child only party, but I do think they could have been more considerate of your situation.

chequersandchess · 06/11/2008 17:47

It's a 21st birthday party late in the evening, so I can see why kids aren't invited. It's up to them really, just bad timing you've recently had a baby but it's up to them if they don't invite the kids.

chequersandchess · 06/11/2008 17:48

Oh, but YANBU to not go because you can't leave yout baby. Just don't kick up a fuss about it, that would be a bit silly.

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