Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get sick of people having a go at me cos I don't drink??

55 replies

coolma · 06/11/2008 15:22

Hi I'm new here, but am loving these threads Situation is, I realised I was drinking far too much recently so stopped. It was really really hard and I went through quite a rough time, but having done it, I've decided not to drink alcohol again-at least for as long as I feel this way, iyfswim. Is it right for people to laugh at me, tell me there's 'something wrong' with me and generally remind me what i was like when i was drunk? I'm beginning to get quite upset!!

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 07/11/2008 14:53

Good for you - it is hard to give up. Ignore the comments. When we go out one of us has a drink and the other drives and no one comments after I've said I'm driving. I find alcohol makes me put on too much weight, so I am a very occasional drinker, and far prefer to watch people make twats of themselves whilst drunk, than get totalled myself. Also, post ds who is now 13 I can't drink more than 2 glasses of wine without feeling pissed, so it's easier to drink water.

Original poster
coolma · 07/11/2008 15:50

Tbh, most people I know are aware that I had a bit of a problem, and I don't mind admitting it - so they know why I've stopped. It's just that they can't seem to believe that I can do it/have done it. I think they reckon I'm sneaking in bottles of vodka at home!! The reaction is sort of a raised eyebrows, disbelief, then the odd sarky comment. Some people are being nice about it, but the general attitude is really pissing me off

OP posts:
wannaBe · 07/11/2008 16:17

I think that people genuinely find it hard to understand that you don't need alcohol to have a good time.

I am essentially te-total, not out of any moral sense (what morals [wink[), but because I generally don't like the taste (although more recently I will have the occasionall glass of white wine and lemonade but that's it), and the comments I have had all my life have been unreal. from "oh you can't have a good time drinking coke" to "Oh it'd be such fun to spike your drink to get you drunk." .

I think it's actually very sad that so many people need alcohol.

And it's very amusing to be the only sobour one at the office Christmas party .

elkiedee · 07/11/2008 16:43

Well done for sticking with your decision. I've never drunk, don't like the taste and also went out with an alcoholic (at least one) when I was very young, and my mum's father was one. I've always feared if I got a taste for it it would be something I had a problem with.

As I've got older I've found it easier to socialise with people who are drinking when I'm not, you still meet idiots but... so I don't know what to suggest if the people you know are still so immature for their age. Just remember, it's their problem, not yours.

sparklylucy · 07/11/2008 17:20

You stick to your decision and feel bloody proud of yourself for doing it. When I gave up smoking peoplewho still smoked would try to get me to start a gain - how unfair is that. Shrug off the bad comments - who are you giving drink up for ? yourself or them? You are the one that will benefit from this, they are probably secretly jealous. Like all bullies, ignore them and they will eventually go away.

branflake81 · 07/11/2008 17:55

I don't drink either and I do get some raised eyebrows, usually from people who don't know me very well.

It pisses me off but it's my life, not theirs and I just smile and nod.

Lowfat · 07/11/2008 17:59

I am too tired to drink these days

Seriously - tell them to sod off and od what you want!

TheArmadillo · 08/11/2008 16:34

I just say 'I like cola' or 'I don't want to' or 'I don't fancy it' and refuse to give further reasons. But then I've never had much hassle about it.

I think some people get upset cos they think you're judging them for drinking.

I don't not drink but I tend to drink alcohol about once every 6 months. Mostly cos I genuinely do like cola, and I really can't be bothered with it.

BBeingpatient · 08/11/2008 16:38

YANBU i made the decision not to drink anymore because i do not lik ethe person i am when i am drunk. It just seems to be another reason for ppl to judge you, it narks me orf!! but as others have said i walk away, or when its the MIL i say well i wouldnt want to harm the baby...and watch her pass out (not really pg yet, evil DIL emoticon)

sleepyeyes · 08/11/2008 16:40

I don't drink and neither does DH, no particular reason we just don't.
We decide we are only having alcohol at our wedding for the speeches as we don't drink so why should we pay for others to and get drunk and annoy us.

Our family's reaction was a bit

I have also lost a friend due to her persistence to try and get me to meet in a pub, hang out at a pub or moaning atme because I wouldn't get pissed as in her opinion that was a fun thing to do.
Its not my idea of fun and I got sick of her pressuring me to do something I didn't want to do.

scaryfucker · 08/11/2008 16:41

its your life, live it how you want to

tbh, if you were my friend/family member, you would get no raised eyebrows from me but you would be very popular with me as a teetotal designated driver (with money offered for petrol of course!)

or does that really piss off non-drinkers too ?

onager · 08/11/2008 16:42

I'm amazed people still have that attitude. An awful lot of people don't drink now - some because they are driving. You're hardly unusual.

Give them some time to get accustomed to the new you and then dump any that are still unpleasant since they will be no loss

mashedup · 08/11/2008 18:51

I don't drink and am treated like a freak. I don't understand why it annoys so many people. I've been called boring, and party pooper and other names too. When I point out that I'm driving, I'm told to leave the car overnight and get a taxi. Why should I do this just to entertain other people? People should respect what I drink and mind their own business. I don't preach to them about what they drink. One person even asked if the reason I didn't drink was because I had a drink problem.

Liffey · 08/11/2008 19:04

tedious isn't it?

Sometimes I get a bottle of heineken and when it's empty I get the bar man to fill it up with diet coke or lemonaid. they are more used to it than you think

Liffey · 08/11/2008 19:05

mind you, that was what i used to do ten yrs ago. my friends don't actually nag me to drink nwo!! we all need to be able to withstand toddlers jumping on our heads at 6 am the next day.

ErnestTheBavarian · 09/11/2008 07:08

That's the problem, in that I gave up drinking, and prefer to be TT, but (the v. rare occasions I go out/visit family) they cannot believe I'm not drinking and assume I've either got a drink problem (I did used to be a bit of a piss head ) or I'm pregnant - why else would you not drink if you're not driving?!

SO I really wanted non agro tips (like piss off and mind your own business) on what to say if someone asks without sounding like a recovering alcie or trying to hide a pg. I always seem to sound guilty. ffs, people are so weird about booze aren't they? Like it's impossible to enjoy a social situation without it. Next week I'll be having a birthday party for my ds (aged 5), and I don't think I'll be passing round lagers and tequila slammers to ensure his guests feel comfortable, relaxed and have a good time.

gabygirl · 09/11/2008 08:07

YANBU

I have developed problems with my liver in the last year - nothing to do with my previous alcohol consumption, but it means that I don't want to drink at all now. Previous to this I'd been a very moderate drinker.

I get very bored with other people's drinking and their boasting about how much alcohol they consume. I'm amazed that so many of the women - mature mums most of them - think it's a sort of badge of pride to get seriously rat arsed on a regular basis.

littlesez · 09/11/2008 08:12

You shoulldn't have to explain yourself to anyone, just say i just don't drink. no one elses business. I gave up on March 21st best thing i ever did, i have a good excuse at the mo coz am preggers but i still say i don't drink anyway. Ive lost a few friends since
(one of them told me i was being silly for not drinking)I get sick of hearing you can have just one! I am the happiest i have been for a long time love being sober especailly in social situations I am usually the only one not making a complete arse out of my self! If you ever feel annoyed by people drinking just think how they are going to feel in the morning!

Foxy800 · 09/11/2008 08:45

Hi there, Good on you for choosing not to drink.

I too do not drink, dp does. I was never a heavy drinker but gave it up totally before having lo, who is now 2 and a half so you are looking at 3.5- 4 yrs ago. I still get asked on my rare nights out if Im sure I dont want an alcoholic drink or they are going to buy me one anyway, Im just firm and say no you are not.

At the end of the day it is your body and your own life so I personally think good on you. Ignore everyone that doesnt understand and as a lot of posters have already said csrry on leading your life as you see right. I dont miss alcohol 1 little bit (never really enjoyed it anyway).

AbbeyA · 09/11/2008 08:57

Well done. I think you are only getting a hard time because your friends are used to you drinking-they will accept it after a while, after all it is no big deal!

Heated · 09/11/2008 09:15

When your friends grow up a bit, lots of them will moderate or stop drinking, you sound like the first/leader amongst your peers - something to be proud of - and, if it helps, think about all the money they are literally pissing away.

Neither dh or I drink, or at least rarely, no major reason, just not over-wowed by the taste & in my case the 2 day hangover (think I have Japanese genes when it comes to alcohol).

A simple , "No thank you, but I would like a coke if you have it - lovely" has always been enough, otherwise they look like a bad host for not giving you what you want. I also knew a juice-drinking rugby player who, in the bar afterwards, would say, "Can't - tablets".

shitehawk · 09/11/2008 09:16

I haven't drunk alcohol for 20 years. No-one has ever, ever had a go at me for not drinking.

I think you need to change your friends

TrixieVix · 09/11/2008 10:14

This really annoys me - I hardly ever drink (probably have 1 or 2 glasses of wine a month) and whenever I go out, someone ALWAYS mentions it. In the past people have tried to get me to drink by getting me a vodka & coke thinking I'd drink it believing it's a coke DH included!!

I'm just not bothered about drinking - never have been. Most of the time I'd just rather spend the calories on something else!

I don't see what the problem is - if someone wouldn't eat mushrooms, you wouldn't make a huge deal out of it and try and force them to eat them would you?! I just don't understand why people think you're crazy not to drink...very odd.

Annoyingly, these same people are always more than happy to have a lift home at the end of the evening when I'm sober and still able to drive

Still, at least I won't have to make up excuses if/when I'm next pregnant!

onthewarpath · 09/11/2008 10:15

I do not drink alcohol at all and I do understand what you are going through. It will wear though, soon the people you will carry on seing are your true friends, the ones that do not need to be off their heads to apreciate you, and the new people you are going to meet will only ever have known you as the person you are now .
When I used to share an accomodation with other students, they would come back from a night out (most night really...) and tell me they did not ask me to join "because you do not drink, we thought you wouldn't come anyway." It used to ennoy me because I was never given the choice to accept or refuse. Not drinking does not make you an "asocial" but then, their loss.
You do not have to give your reasons to anyone. Heated is right , just go for no thank you.

Well all that to say YANBY and RESPECT!

onthewarpath · 09/11/2008 10:18

YANBU even. Thanks good I do not have beer goggles...

Swipe left for the next trending thread