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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

xmas presents off my parents.......?????

38 replies

glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:14

long story short... my mum and dad (mainly my mum, but dad pays for it all) spend a fair amount on my 2 Dc's for xmas each year... First xmas with DS (he was 4 days old) we had a full boot of things she'd got him for xmas... and lots of it was never used as there was so much.

2nd xmas with DS, just turned 1, we had the same, toys for ages 4+ etc that again got put away and because we barely have any storage in our home we ended up having to give lots of it to charity (still haven't told my mum as she'd be offended)...

The next xmas we had DD too, who was about 8mths, it took more than the car trip home on xmas day to bring all the presents home (and that was leaving some things at their's for them to play with there)

Last xmas i'd asked (around mid-summer as my mum always starts early) for her to put half the money she'd spend into their trust funds for them, and maybe just get them one or 2 larger, better presents and the rest clothes... it went out of the window!!

Up until a week before xmas that was the plan, then on xmas eve she phoned and said they'd worked out how much they'd spent and they'd spent more than she thought so wasn't going to be putting money into their accounts... fair enough, but she'd ignored my nice polite request of a couple of bigger toys, and when they came on xmas day our living room was litterally full!!!! I mean we had things on our knee's and a tiny patch of carpet near the door could be seen, and it took 2 car's to bring it all here!!

Again this year i said i dont want many toys, and politley asked for money in their trust funds. I said we were only buying a couple of toys for inside- my living room is full, the bedroom is full, under the stairs is full of still new toys from last xmas, and the dining room is getting there too with toys... we've bought bigger outdoor toys now they are getting too big for the toddler swing & slide.

I've been clearing out a bin-bag full of toys a month since late summer and my house is still over-flowing. I'm going to have another massive clear-out before xmas too...

I had also asked if she'd spend more on clothes (something they need all the time) than toys so then at least the clothing would be away in their wardrobes, but at the weekend she was saying she's got bin=bags full of toys up in the attic ready to be wrapped for the kids for xmas!!!!

AIBU to be a little Pee'd off that she's again not listened to me at all??

When she comes to my house she's complained the kids ahve too many toys and thats why i cant' keep the living room tidy for 5mins.... but yet she buys shed loads!!!!!!!! argh!! I know i should be happy she gets them something... but its driving me and DH mad... we get so stressed out before xmas wondering what we're going to do with such little space left and the amoutn they'll buy!!!

someone please just agree i'm ok for feeling this way!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:15

ok, long story, erm.... told as a long story..... I ramble far too much to have made that short!!

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 05/11/2008 13:18

be annoyed, it's fine. Not sure there's anyway to make her stop though that wouldn't cause a big palaver...

Lauriefairycake · 05/11/2008 13:18

I sympathise but she is not listening to you so just give away as much as you want so your house is not a toy shop/shit heap.

Unfortunately you can't control her behaviour but you can control how cluttered you want your house to be.

Bet there's a childrens home nearby that would be grateful for anything you have

at least then you get to feel better about it

TurkeyLurkey · 05/11/2008 13:19

Have you told her the reason why you don't want loads and loads of toys this year (ie because your house is full and you've nowhere to put stuff). Would she be more sympathetic if she knew or do you think she'd carry on regardless?

Upwind · 05/11/2008 13:19

You are ok & she is thinking more about what she wants to give, rather than what your dcs or you would like to recieve.

I would make it abundantly clear that YOU DON'T HAVE SPACE for mountains of crap and all bar one will have to stay at your parents house for when they visit. It would probably spark a row.

Otherwise, accept and bring them straight to some kind of charity. If she asks where they are, reiterate that you did not have enough space so they have gone to children who could use them.

cheesesarnie · 05/11/2008 13:23

'Again this year i said i dont want many toys'

theyre not for you they are for your children.

Lauriefairycake · 05/11/2008 13:25

yeah, but OP has to house them

and there's no more room at the inn

UpJacobscreek · 05/11/2008 13:25

My mum did this all the time she would spend a £100.00 on each child (we have 5) .

I the end I had to tell her while it was lovely of her to do it but some of the stuff was never played with because they were overwelmed with it.

This year she asked what they wanted so I said to get them a present between them she is getting them a WII and a coat each .

I think you have to be blunt or ask her to keep some of it in her house so they can play with ot when they go there .

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:25

I have told her the reason we dont want many toys is because we dont have the room, and we are expecting DC3 in april, so will also have to make room for moses basket & playmat/bouncy chair then too!!

I think i will make it clear that we will give anythign we can't house to charity... and i think i've just made my mind up that the still new toys under the stairs can go to a childrens charity before xmas...

isn't there also a charity that give presents to kids that are sick and in hospital over xmas etc?

OP posts:
MrsBumblebee · 05/11/2008 13:25

YANBU, I'd be pretty irritated as well that they haven't listened to you. Could you sell the stuff on ebay and put that money into your kids trust funds instead ?

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:27

good idea MrsBB- all the new toys would probably sell really well on ebay at this time of the year...

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 05/11/2008 13:27

Lauriefairycake-yep spot on

op do you have local hospital or hostel you could pass them on to?

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:33

Cheesesarnie... writing that i should have said i told her i didn't want many toys for the children.

This year she has told me she's bought DD a bike- she's only 2.5yo, and has a little trike, she wont be on a big bike till next xmas at least (very small for her age, only just fits on the trike now), she's also got her a pram, when she's already got 3 (one which my mum bought for her bday this year so i said keep it at hers as she had 2 at home, and didn't need another)

She's got DS a toolshop, when last xmas she bought him a workbench (almost the same things!!) and he still plays with that!! she's also bought him a big plastic thomas train set, when he's already got a big train table with a full brio set (plus tons of extra's)....

She seriously spends about £600-800 between them both and i feel this is such a waste of money!!

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 13:47

YANBU. I would have them round at some point where you are not stressed and sit down with your DH and get them to understand. Make sure that she knows that you simply don't have the room and tell her that if you bring it home it will go in the loft and will have to be circulated. IMO swamping DCs with toys stops the enjoyment-it is too much, even if you have the space. Can't you suggest some days out, like the pantomime instead?

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:54

They dont like to spend their money on days out AbbeyA- they like to buy things that can be seen!!! if that makes sence!!

I mean even when she has the DC's for a night they'll come home with a new toy, i always just wonder why she can't sit them at the table and do some sort of arts and crafts with them... they'd love that!! and so would I as i'd have a clutter free home!!

OP posts:
yomellamoHelly · 05/11/2008 13:55

What a waste of money. I also feel my dss gps don't leave any room for me and my dh to spoil our children. I feel the big gifts ought to come from us not the them. Our case isn't as extreme as yours though!
I edit ruthlessly. Before Christmas I chuck all the slightly knackered stuff and stuff that isn't used goes to charity. Then after Christmas I edit again while I find homes for it all. If I can't find a home for it it goes, or if it's a duplicate or is very similar to something else.
I would donate the bike and one of the 2 prams you have to a local nursery. (Let gm keep the third.) Would do the same for the tool shop and train set if you're unable to return them (I do take toys back if I can for vouchers). No-one seems to believe I do this even though I do say beforehand if I feel it's unsuitable. But then no-one has asked after these missing toys either. So I do wonder how much thought goes into them.
We have tons of toys and struggle to think of things to get ds2 let alone for when db3 arrives.
What also grates with me is that I didn't have much growing up (nor did dh). Now they have the spare cash they're all making up for the past.
My second bah humbug moment of the day!

AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 13:58

You have my sympathy-no real answers I'm afraid! Can they keep it all at their house and play with it when they go? It is a great pity they don't go for one of the schemes where you can buy disadvantaged DCs a present.

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 13:59

yomell- we sound like we have the same parents!!!

when she bought the pram she showed it to me, all chuffed with herself, and i just said 'what did you buy that for? she already has 2... and already has one here' she just said, well its a nice one... she seems to think i'll get rid of one of the one's she loves and plays with every day just because she's gone and bought a 'bigger and better' one!!

OP posts:
hambo · 05/11/2008 14:00

I would do a car boot sale, or maybe even a couple before christmas. That way you could get some cash to put into the childrens trust funds, and the presents are getting passed on to people who cannot afford them new and will appreciate a bargain - and it is the green option too!

Good l;uck with your clearout!

(PS I used to do heaps of boot sales and regularly cleared £150 each weekend)

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 14:00

AbbeyA- she has a wendyhouse in their garden (was my younger sisters as a kid) full of toys for the DC's at their house already... and they wont keep them inside as they'll 'clutter up the house'.... dotn they understand that by buying them all they are cluttering up MY house!!!!!

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 14:01

Just out of interest did your parents overload you at Christmas as a DC or is this a new thing with grandchildren?

Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 14:02

Hambo- there is a boot sale at the local church hall this sat- may see if i can make it there... have never thought about selling them as it felt wrong to sell their toys... even if the money was going to their trust funds...

OP posts:
Original poster
glaskhamhasoneintheoven · 05/11/2008 14:05

AbbeyA- as a child we always got a fair amount spent on us... but only ever at xmas, we'd get almost our whole years clothing for xmas, then a couple of toys etc... we rarely got any money spent on us any other time of the year exept our birthday which again instead of toys it was clothes and shoes...

OP posts:
Upwind · 05/11/2008 14:09

My parents announced they were going to buy us a particular buggy for Christmas for our newborn. I thanked them for the thought but explained it was unsuitable as it is (a) from six months upwards, (b) very big and heavy and we live in a tiny top floor flat with no lift. I suggested they go shopping with us and if they still wanted to, they could instead buy the much cheaper and more suitable model I had my eye on.

Their response:

"But it is a three-wheeler!"
(but we don't want or need a three-wheeler)

"it would be fine for a newborn"
(er, no)

"it is not THAT heavy"
(yes it is, I could not carry it up the stairs.)

"But it is a three-wheeler!"
(aargh)

"No, we will just get you the one we have picked out, it is a much better deal"
(even if that is true, it does not suit our needs, and they had no details on the ones we liked)

They like the notion of them buying us this monstrous buggy and that is the end of it, they don't really care that we could not use it. Just like your Mum likes the notion of being the one to deluge your DC with gifts. This is not generous, it is pig-headed and domineering.

AbbeyA · 05/11/2008 14:12

If you can't get her to see reason then just have a huge pre Christmas sale.