is he BU or is she BU?i think both but you can help.

[mayorquimby]

basically a friend from work has been with his girlfriend for about 9-12 months, everything is going great except for one thing. he smokes weed, not a lot by any means i would say once a month maybe twice a month sometimes and recently his gf has started complainingout this more and more.
she has brought it to the point where she is basically giving him an ultimatum by saying that he is choosing weed over her. his point is that while it weed is not even that important to him he is not going to quit just because his partner tells him to as he couldn't be in a relationship that is that controlling. this of course is making it n worse for her as she is saying that he is choosing something he doesn't even like over her, where as he is saying it's not that he's choosing it over her he just will not be dictated to.
sorry it sounds very convoluted, but of course when i give advice of "you two don't sound very well matched and if you're fighting over something as petty as this now you should probably call it a day" it falls on deaf ears or i get the "aah you don't understab" so who is BU?

I think you have it right, mayorq, they dont' belong together.

I can understand her hating the pot, I can understand him wanting it to be his decision about quitting or not (but she shouldn't make such an issue of it, and it's not a good sign if weed is so important to him).

If she's looking at it as possibly a long term relationship and is anti-weed smoking she is right to see if he will quit or not. If he doesn't want to, and she isn't happy with him carrying on, then they should part ways as it will always be an issue.

"it's not a good sign if weed is so important to him). "

but as i said it's not at all.it's the principle he's on about.if it was negatively effecting his life i'd be on at him as well but i've known him to go 6 months+ without touching the stuff.the way he sees it it's the same as her saying never drink whiskey again even if he only drank a tumbler every month or so. so the weed is inconsequential in his eyes,it's the idea of being told what to do.glad i'm not alone in thinking they should call it quits though.

I think it's butt-outsky-time, mayorq, refuse to give either of them your opinion in future. They have to sort it themselves.