to feel devastated about being pregnant again?

[thelollipoplady]

Timing sucks doesn't it. I only ever wanted 2 - i have 2 gorgeous DDs - and just found out i'm pg with 3rd. Due this summer just before youngest starts school. Termination is not an option for me - was on the pill but something must have happened (is it true dodgy tummy is all it takes to end up with... er something more than a dodgy tummy??!!).

Will this feeling ever go away - and be replaced by a 'happy pregnancy glow' as i lug my ever-increasing pregnant self around the playground / supermarket / etc? Will I ever feel excited about being pg - or just an overwhelming sense of dread and despair.

Bit worried. If my baby blues are this bad now...

Yes a dodgy tummy is all it takes. I'm going to say congratulations though and that I hope you will feel excited soon but it's very understandable that you don't now!
FWIW I have three girls and it's lovely. There is 6 years between dd2 and dd3 so the big ones were off at school and I had her all to myself through the day It was like having your first baby again but without any of the fear.
I think you should be very upfront with your midwife about how you feel so that she can support you properly. Don't expect to get all earth-mother-I'm-having-a-baby excited right away - just go with the flow and see what happpens. Is your other half excited and supportive or is he reeling too?

Just seen this thread and thought you might like to read it and know that even for people who planned to get pregnant it isn't all happy and un-complicated. You are not alone in feeling as you do.

Hi lollipoplady

This has happened to me (no.3 now 19 mths) and at least 3 other women that I know. Only one of us was pleased about it and it wasn't me. The gap between DS2 and DS3 would be 22 months when DS3 came along,so I was looking after a 5.5 year old and a baby when pregnant.

I was very p**d off (unplanned obv)when I found out and I swung from being happy one moment to grumpy the next throughout my entire pregnancy. However, once he arrived (after a very easy homebirth) it was like he was supposed to be here and it immediately seemed odd that I had only had two previously.

Hopefully, you will feel the same thing in time but just to let you know that you are not alone and it is normal to feel this way

Thanks for your comments - yes all very true.

Northernlurker - DH is reeling too. Neither of us are very child-focused, in fact we were quite happy without children. 1st was an accident (spot the pattern here...!?) and 2nd was so that 1st wouldn't be an only child. we both come from families of 2 kids so 3 kids feels like straying into huge people-carrier families... I've gone through those negative pg feelings before, it just seems like this time is worse. Thankfully i have an amazing sil who's a paediatrician (!) she wasn't around when the first two were born, so - one consolation - it will be great to have her support during the birth.

Poshpaws - ouch. that must have been hard work adjusting to the thought of another little one when your second was still so small. How have you managed? Is it really such a jump from 2 to 3?

I got preg with ds1 when dd2 was 6 months. We were in shock for ages and, while the preg was OK, I was dreading his arrival for the full 9 months. Once he got here though everything seems right again, bar jealousy from dd2. Hope you manage to start feeling positive before 9 months is up though.

my mumber 3 was unexpected. Number 1 was 2, number 2 was 1. So I ended up ith 3 under 3!
It felt very surreal for a long time. He;s now 13

So it could be worse ...

The problem is not that it feels surreal to me - but very real. I'm very acutely aware of how it will change everything - from the relationship my girls have with each other now - to my planned projects when youngest DD started school -and relationship with DH (i'm such a cow when pg/post pg) - and even logistics - car / bedrooms / holidays.

I'm sure that in the future i'll look back and say - 'can't ever imagine life without little Egbert...' but I can't see a positive side to this pregnancy... at all.

Don' know if this will be help or hindrence but I never had that nice pregnacy feeling. I fact all the way through I just wanted the damn thing outta me. DD was 26 months and ds was 12 months when I found out I was pg again, we had just moved and I was on the pill too. I was so angry and upset I felt I didn't want nor would love the baby, though I knew the moment I had her I would love her. maybe I just don't do pregnacy very well.

I was so convinced I'd have postnatal depression that I arranged lots of appointments for after I had her so I wouldn't have the 10 weeks wait to see someone. never needed the appointments.

Dd2 is now nearly four months old and I love her to bits, did from the moment I gave birth, I feel I have a complete family and they will all grow up together Infact I think it has made DD1 and DS closer and they both love cuddle and kissing dd2. DS now says bebe sissi and gives her a big kiss and cuddle.

It is had work with three. You'll have to forget about having a clean and tidy house for the next 2 years (possibly longer but I'm being very hopeful)

I can see where you're coming from with the disruption - felt the same but on a smaller scale. Dh and I resigned ourselves to a miserable year once ds arrived and just decided to knuckle down and get through it. Looking back on the last 3 months - it really hasn't turned out that bad. We have surprised ourselves with how many happy moments there have been. Perhaps you could aim for some happy moments. Is there any preg pampering you didn't get with the last two that you deserve this time? Perhaps Dcs are old enough now that dh could take them away for a weekend and give you a girly weekend or some such thing?

Hmm, it was fine for the first few months. I think the thing I found most difficult was being incredibly tired on the school run. However, now he is 19months old,the school run is still a pain as he wants to walk there .

The dynamic between all 3, but esp the younger 2, is really lovely to see. Yes, it is hard workbut it is fab too and I did find the transition from 2 to 3 harder,but I truly have no regrets.

Hi lpl
So sorry you're not feeling happy about no 3, I've just discovered I'm prgt with no (are you due around july? why not join us on the 09 july thread?) I was one of 3 as was dh.

We had ds1 and then said no more! We had a mmc with an erpc. Then ds 2 last year -he's 1 today my bonfire boy! and we'll have dc 3 in july.

Life will be hectic, it was when I was younger, but we have weighed the pros and cons and were happy to go for it. Don;t worry about not feeling excited just go with how you feel, try not to let it effect day to day life and carry on. I agree with the poster who said talk to your midwife as I'm sure she's had a few mums who've had an accidental no 3.

I am 11 weeks and feel exactly the same ,we had a double contraception faliure (condom and MAP) we did consider termination but have decided against it.

I am fed up though not excited ,a whingy cow and blame dP everytime I throw up or feel crap even though it was a complete accident.

I had loads of plans and stuff planned and now it feels as though I am starting over again we are going to have to move too .

I am sure though it will all sort it self out and my bbay will be loved and cared for when he/she arrives .

I absolutly hated being pregnant and questioned the sanity of our decision for most of both of them, even though they were both very hard come by.

I thought of DS1 as a parasite and in private that was what DH and I called him. Although I will never ever tell him that. I fell again when DS1 was 5 months old and again was really depressed.

But when DS2 came out, the feeling listed somewhat.

I do feel for you and I think that you need to talkm it through with someone, so that you dont end up resenting the new child

I have just started an ou course that I had to suspend last year as I became prt with ds 2 and the same things has happened! But I'm going to crack on until I can't and try to get all the assignments done asap. My ds 1 is 4.8 and has been bugging us for more 'kids' as he puts it. He loved ds 2 from the moment he was born and they are very close. I do wonder how no 3 will fit in the family dynamic as ds 1 is close to dh and ds 2 is close to me. We have a car that can fit 3 car seats in and will just be keeping it till it dies!
I do also wonder about how taking three out on my own will be as ds 2 will only be 21 months. We are also resigning ourselves to the fact it'll be a white knuckle ride for the first year and we definitely won't have a tidy house and other money issues...

rofl about the parasite MadHouse - that's exactly what we said too!

Interesting to hear about the relationship dynamic changes with all your other DCs. my two DDs (6 and 3) are very close, and one of my worries is the disruption to their relationship from a new arrival.

I had a difficult time after the birth of my 2nd (post delivery complications - nasty) which caused a few problems for all of us, so i'm sensitive to the need to talk things out. i'm very lucky with my support network - my sil is really incredible and has helped me a lot with so many other things - of course it's even better that she's a paediatrician! and my family will be supportive - although i haven't told my parents yet. i want to get my head round the whole thing first.

muppetgirl - yes i'll join the july thread soon. still not sure how pg i am. dr says 9, i say 5...

how are you feeling today?