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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect at least a text?

23 replies

AussieLou · 04/11/2008 20:11

My closest friend has just had her first baby. I have sent presents to her for the past 9 months and have just send a huge one now (they are in Australia I am in the UK). I rang regularly to see how she was etc. I found out about the brith of their DD by text and have left about 6 texts and a phone message. I know she has jsut had a baby and is busy/tired etc but am I BU to expect at least a text in reply (ever from her DH)? I would like to know how everything is as I am missing out on so much by being here and not there.

OP posts:
compo · 04/11/2008 20:12

are they on email or on facebook?
tbh just from your post it sounds a bit overboard - why were you sending her presents for the past 9 months?

Bluestocking · 04/11/2008 20:13

Sorry, I'm sure you're feeling very left out, but you are being unreasonable. Give the poor woman (and her DH) a chance, they will be totally overwhelmed!

KatieScarlett2833 · 04/11/2008 20:13

Sometimes Aussielou it's JUST NOT ABOUT YOU!!!

nolongeraworriedmummyfied · 04/11/2008 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BettySwollux · 04/11/2008 20:14

Do you have kids?
Give her a bit of time, I'm sure she is knackered atm but when she gets back on her feet a bit she will be in touch
YABa bit U

Lockets · 04/11/2008 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IAmNotHere · 04/11/2008 20:17

How old is the baby? If it's quite new then YABU, unfortunately. If it's nearly a year old then YANBU

Leave off the texting for a few days - they might be a bit snowed under, especially if they have lots of friends and family in the UK trying to get in touch.

poissonfou · 04/11/2008 20:24

my youngest is six months and my e.t.a with resuming friendships/phonecalls/ is somewhere in the near future, fingers crossed i'll get there before all friends have abandoned ship-i cringe to think how lovely some people have been and how un responsive i must seem at times but i will make it up

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/11/2008 20:28

texts can go astray

how about send a letter or actually ring her

AussieLou · 04/11/2008 20:29

I realise that it is all new. This is my closest friend, almost like family. I would like to know how she is. How is the baby doing. How hard is it to send a text, or have someone text and say 'thanks for your call etc...really busy but all is well, will speak soon'. I realsie that I am being a bit uneasonable but it has been nearly a 4 weeks now and I have not contacted them in nearly two so its not as though I am stalking them or anything. As for the presents, I think it is nice to recieve things dont you? I like to buy things for friends. I cant see how that is wrong. As for having my own children, not biologically mine but yes I know how hard newborns are.
Thanks for the replies thoguh.

OP posts:
Plonker · 04/11/2008 20:31

Actually Aussielou i think YANBU - it takes 2 mintues, tops, to reply to a text/email.

I think its incredibly rude when people don't reply, even if its just to say that they're too busy to chat properly and will do so when they've got more time.

IAmNotHere · 04/11/2008 20:32

Who do you and she know in common - why don't you see if anyone else has heard from her?

AussieLou · 04/11/2008 20:38

We used to work together and I people who I used know at work are eiher not our mutual friends or no longer work there.
Thank you plonker. I would say I was BU if I expected an hour long phone call plus photos etc but I just want to know if everything is ok. I am on the other side of the world to all my friends and family and it sucks missing out on so much.

OP posts:
glitterchick · 05/11/2008 10:26

YANBU. It would take 2 seconds to text.

SlartyBartFast · 05/11/2008 10:30

yes but, she may be snowed under with rpesents and stuff. 4 weeks did you say? she is only just getting to grips with getting herself dressed i should iamgine at this stage.
give it time.
you may not be the only one to send a present.
i send pictures of my lo as a thank you, so, it definately took time to do this, pre-digital.

cupsoftea · 05/11/2008 10:31

Give her a call

zazen · 05/11/2008 10:43

I would say write her a letter - they are so lovely to get when you're up to your eyeballs. I used to receive letters and had them in my dressing gown pockets to whip em out when I had a few seconds to read.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable as your friend is actually telling you something about what she needs from you at the moment, but you seem to not want to hear it and just want validation for yourself?

I would write her a letter. That way you'll hear from her if there really is something wrong, and if there's nothing wrong, you can rest at ease knowing that she's just too busy to contact you - nothing personal, she's had a baby.

As someone else posted, it's not all about you.

A new baby does give people the right to be a little bit rude - sleep deprivation is a known torture. The normal rules don't apply. I feel it's a wee bit self centered of you to think that she will wake herself up from a nap just to thank you for your unasked for gifts by text.

I wasn't able to do anything except the bare essentials for my babe in the first 6 months. Let alone things that I needed doing for myself, and my friends without kids / babies fell off the earth as far as I was concerned for the first year.

Write her a letter - she may have time to jot something down back, and may even have time to post it!

AussieLou · 05/11/2008 12:59

Well sorry for the late reply. I do not expect anything other then a text to say that she and the bub are ok. I could not care less about a text about receiving presents. I know its not all about me. You are implying that I am selfish. Obviousoly some people here have never travelled away from family and friends so do nto know how hard it is to be away from them. Let me reiterate, I just wanted to know if she was ok. She could have has complications from the birth. Nevertheless I got a text this morning.

OP posts:
IAmNotHere · 05/11/2008 13:18

That's good news Lou.

Sorry you felt a bit battled. I didn't twig it was you who was so far from home, not her, despite the clue in your name

Am dimwit.

fwiw I thought the 'all about you' comment was harsh and over reactionary - you didn't come across as selfish to me. The problem with posting in AIBU is that you can sometimes receive quite reactionary replies. I think from the very question (AIBU) we infer some annoyance and self righteousness on the part of the poster, when 9 times out of 10 it isn't there.

Had I an AIBU type question to ask mn, I would rephrase it and ask elsewhere, tbh, to avoid the shouting! Having said that, most of the posters on this thread I think have been straightfoward, polite and reasonable.

Glad your friend is well.

Darkmere · 05/11/2008 13:21

I had to give my phone to my DP when DD arrived. I was extremely stressed with taking care of a newborn and depressed at finding breastfeeding so difficult. I couldn't bear the pressure of knowing who hadn't contacted and as the presents mounted I just felt worse. I wailed constantly at DP that I wished we lived on a desert island- away from the world.

My DP did keep everyone up to date on my behalf so I think its a shame your friend's hubby cant do the same... but there could be a very good reason he hasn't. I would give it a few more weeks before you get annoyed.

5 months down the line I have finally sent the thank you cards.

Darkmere · 05/11/2008 13:27

Second time in one day I have been caught out by not reading whole thread.

Glad your friend has got in touch ALou.

zazen · 05/11/2008 21:50

Sorry if I cam e across as a bit harsh also ALou. You obviously are a good friend, but i think posting in such a self centered way

"I have sent presents to her for the past 9 months and have just send a huge one now (they are in Australia I am in the UK). I rang regularly to see how she was etc. I found out about the birth of their DD by text and have left about 6 texts and a phone message. I know she has just had a baby and is busy/tired etc but am I BU to expect at least a text in reply (ever from her DH)?"

just didn't set up the thread as you being concerned for her welfare, rather that you were thinking about whether you were being unreasonable about not having received a text from her to thank you for all the gifts and calls you had made.

So how is your friend? Hope she's OK.

Neenztwinz · 05/11/2008 22:27

YANBU - after I had my twins I wanted to see/ring/text everyone! Well, for about two weeks, then they decided they didn't want to sleep at night anymore ( at the memory).

Not everyone has that experience tho, some don't cope so well at first, so maybe she is just finding her feet.

I think you have a right to be a bit pissed off that she has not even text you.

It was lovely to send presents, you sound like a lovely friend. Perhaps she is not .

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