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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ok yes I probably am, but I need to vent............

26 replies

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 13:32

DS3 is being Christened at the end of this month. I sent the invites out last Wednesday, now admittedly I didn't have a RSVP on them (as really I don't need to know who's coming or not, as it's a faith (bring and share) lunch provided by church congregation afterwards, and there's plenty of seats for everyone in the church). However, not one of my family have bothered to even let me know that their invite has arrived.

I haven't spoken to my parents since August (when I called to let the DS's say happy birthday to my mum) that was about 2 weeks after I had a massive row with them and my dad accused me of being a liar (and thereofore suggesting that the Royal Mail never lie ). Before that I'd hardly spoken to them since exH and I split up in March. I was ill with depression and not in any sort of mood to be picking up the phone for a natter, and they never bothered to ring me.

My brother I haven't spoken to since the day after exH moved out (as he rang me to wish me a happy birthday) - he used to ring me once a week before then. He even managed to totally forget DS1's birthday recently (which wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't also his Godfather..........)

Most of the other family I sent cards to I never really speak to on the phone anyhow, it's more family gatherings and Christmas that contact so I'm not really expecting to here from then if they're coming or not - they'll probably either turn up or they won't.

I know through exH that one of his sisters invites arrived, he hasn't spoken to the other one (although I'd already told her on the phone about it when she rang me - yes my soon to be ex-inlaws have been more supportive of me than my own family have.......) and exH's arrived, as did the ones I sent to friends. They've all let me know it arrived (even if they're not sure if they can make it or not yet) despite it not having a RSVP.

TBH I don't really want my family there, I know it sounds terrible, but I don't. For the hardest 6 months of my life they haven't given a shit about me, instead making their own excuses as to why they haven't contacted me more regularly (or even at all!). I'd rather just have my 2 SIL's and their family, exH and my friends there - but to try and keep the connection their for the DS's I have invited them.

I know it's been not quite a week, and I didn't put a RSVP in the invites but am I really being that unreasonable to think that they could have at least sent me an email or a facebook message to say they've arrived (btw my parents have been nagging at me for over a year about "when is DS3 going to be Christened".........)

OP posts:
pingping · 04/11/2008 13:36

If you don't want them there why are you so bothered about them letting you know they recieved the invite?

BouncingTurtle · 04/11/2008 13:39

FAQ - no, actually I don't think YABU
It sounds suspiciously like they are giving you the cold shoulder
Sorry to hear you are having so much trouble with you family.

pingping · 04/11/2008 13:39

FAQ They are not worth getting upset and stressed about it.

The people that are important will turn up and those who don't its there loss. Least your know who is there for you.

pingping · 04/11/2008 13:40

YANBU by the way.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 04/11/2008 13:42

YANBU - sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 13:43

I know pingping, I just feel really sad for the DS's - that's the only reason I wanted to invite them - if it wasn't for the DS's I wouldn't have invited a single one.....I think I'm bothered by it because it sort of confirms what I already thought - that they're don't really care

And now some frigging twat has just hammered on my front door asking me to move my car (it's not my frigging car I can't even drive) as it's in the way) and woken DS3 up from his nap

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 04/11/2008 13:46

YANBU- It would have been nice of them to have acknoeledged the invitation.
However, don't let their ignorance spoil ds3's day- he will have a great time whoever's there, remember that

mrsruffallo · 04/11/2008 13:47

acknowleged

pingping · 04/11/2008 13:50

FAQ you know what I have been through the same thing but if you let it bring you down your going to be miserable on a speical day for your DS. Your family are being selfish towards yourself and your Son and quite frankly don't deserve to be apart of something so speical.

I know its hard but I would try and let it go because if they think your bothered by it then they have got something on you.

Sorry to hear your having a shit day I hope it gets better and your DS has a lovely christening.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 13:58

I think I'll be ok on the day (whether they turn up or not) - DS3's god parents (who are also my close friends) won't let me wallow in self pity on the day just when I'm sat here on my own (or with DS3 as I am now he's awake) makes me feel so .

We used to be really close (I thought.....) my mum would call me a couple of times a week, I would call her on the other days. So I've gone from really regular contact with my close family to none in the blink of an eye.

OP posts:
pingping · 04/11/2008 14:04

I don't understand why they have cut you loose like that espeically your Mum its not very nice. FAQ maybe give them a call and see if they have recieved the invite? Maybe they are being stubborn because when you was depressed you didn't feel like a chat ( even though they should be more thoughtful.) and if they are rude or unpleasent towards you least you know where you stand.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 14:07

last time I spoke to them on the phone my dad told me I was a liar (among other things) , then I let the boys call to wish my mum a happy birthday mid August, since then the only contact was an email from my dad at the start of last month, where he didn't mention the previous "conversation" at all and acted as if nothing had happened. I'm not sure I can stomach another phone call to them.......not after the last one

They've both had depression in the past, as has my brother, so how people feel/act while depressed is no great mystery to them......

OP posts:
pingping · 04/11/2008 14:16

It's such a hard situiton to be in. What about your EX contacting them to find out if they are coming or not is that a possibilty?

Even thou they should of called or at least emailed you to confirm that they had recieved the invite and thanked you for the invite.

FAQ I have bi-polar and my close friends are very supportive but my family just think I am nuts even thru my Mother has suffered from depression some people just can't except it or feel that you use it as an excuse.

cantpickyourfamily · 04/11/2008 14:19

I think YANBU they could have called to say, glad he is getting christened as they kept nagging about it, they do n ot sound very nice or supportive.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 15:03

well how's that for a co-incidence - I have just received an email from my mum thanking me for the invite.......a load of excuses (as per usual) as to why she's only just responded........and a "they intend to be there for the happy event"

OP posts:
pingping · 04/11/2008 15:05

That is weird maybe her ears are burning.

Well at least they replied I hope the day goes well for you FAQ and don't let your family members trouble you on the day.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 15:10

hmm I'm not sure - there were a things said during the row in August which made me - things about "sharing photos with friends but not with them" (I only share photos with people on here and facebook - and at the time of the argument hadn't uploaded any photos to facebook since January...) and one or two other things which did make me wonder whether they'd been "looking" at stuff that I've been doing online - they know I use mn......

I just find it very odd that just one hour after I started this thread the email was sent......

OP posts:
pingping · 04/11/2008 15:15

I was thinking that FAQ maybe they saw your thread. Well if they did I hope they feel guilty about there treatment towards you because they should.

As for photo's why not just ask you for some photo's or get facebook so they can see the ones that you have put up.

BitOfFun · 04/11/2008 15:19

Do they know your MN name then? That would freak me right out! OK, just in case - STOP BEING HORRIBLE to GFR, you are not helping!

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 15:55

I don't know if they do - it wouldn't surprise me tbh - I know that my dad frequenty has a nosey to see what my brother and I are selling on ebay - and he knows I post on here, and i'm not exactly "shy" about details about myself - so easy to identify (which I'm not really worried about as I'm also on the church website and back of the parish magazine with address and phone number lol).

The only thing that bothers me about it (if my suspicions are correct) is them doing it behind my back, so reading all the crap I've got going on but doing nothing to suppport me.

Hey ho.........

Got bigger fish to fry atm - DS2 has just had his own run in with DS1's school playground and sporting huge fat lip and grazed knee

OP posts:
sb6699 · 04/11/2008 15:58

Well FAQ if they have been checking up on you online at least they now know how insensitive they've been and maybe will start making more of an effort.

Hope you and DS have a wonderful day at the Christening.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 16:03

thank you sb

OP posts:
IWonderIfMamaGStillLovesMe · 04/11/2008 16:09

I'd be tempted to make myself less identifiable. If they are reading all your posts and not bothering to support you then they should be ashamed of themselves. I would cut my losses, and don't bother inviting them to anything again.

My children will have nothing to do with my parents as long as me and my husband are alive and they will not miss out. Crap families are not better than no family ime.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 16:14

IWonder - I'm not going to make myself less identifiable because of them - and I'm certainly not going to name change (took me ages to come up with a way to incorporate the "Q" into a bonfire night name )

It is tempting to just cut them off, but then I'm not sure that's the right thing to do for the DS's, the only family on exH's side that is in the UK (and therefore they ever have contact with) is 2 of his sisters. If I cut my family off from the DS's they will in effect have no family other than me

OP posts:
IWonderIfMamaGStillLovesMe · 04/11/2008 18:54

My children have no family on my side and they will be fine.

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