Friends dd hits my dd

[monkeyfeet]

I have a friend who I really like and having few friends do not want to fall out with her. Her dd is lovely and gets on well with my dd both are 2 but her dd hits constantly. the other day she repeatedly hit my dd on the head with a car before we could get her to stop. My dd is very gentle we have three dogs and she has grown up with us telling her to be gentle but I am worried that this behaviour will rub off on dd.

Does anyone have any experience or advice thay can give on what to do? Friend is aware of the problem and when she sees it reacts but as with all things you don't see everything tht goes on. I am worried that my dd will start this hitting.

For the moment when they are together keep close eye on them. I would step in and say "No" to the child that is doing the hitting if the parent doesn't step in first. I am afraid we all parent differently and issues will arise throughout your dd's life, it's knowing how to handle it that is the hard bit, sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don't.

Nobody likes to be hit, and it's good that you're both jumping at it pretty quickly. IME all kids go through a stage where they do something that's not ok. I'd just try not to overreact, and try not to make my friend feel uncomfortable about it.

It's no fun for your dd to be hit, but she's unlikely to copy it.

It's a pretty normal stage that lots of children this age go through.

The best you can do is both be vigilant, and her mum should deal with each situation as it arises (probably best to firmly but gently tell her 'no hitting' and remove her from the situation / distract her).

I know it's hard seeing your DD get hurt, but at this age, it isn't malice that's causing your DD's little fiend to act this way. It's just a developmental stage, and it may be your little girl's turn next (even the most gentle child can go through this, believe me!).

friend not fiend - Freudian slip?

I agree with Waltzy

I have a good friend with a son who has a vicious temper.

I had a similar problem with a friends DS hitting me DD and in the end it started getting so bad I had to have a word with my friend because she just wasn't doing enough to stop it.

Also he started on my dd2 who was only one at he time. And it went on from just a shove to a hit (still unacceptable of course) to him using objects such as cars, wooden blocks, biting, etc. And my friend would just drive me nuts in that she'd tell him not to do it but not properly discipline him. or she'd put him on the naughty step then he ALWAYS cries and goes "I need a wee wee" and she whisks him off to the loo. Nice one2one time alone with mummy. And he doesn't get put back. So after a year of this I had to have a word and it was fairly heated because she didn't like being criticised. Eventually she did discipline him about it a bit better and he's better now although still not great.

What I found made it worse was them being at each others house. If we were at their house he'd get all defensive and wouldn't share and would start hitting out. At ours he'd just go mental and do the same. So we tend to meet up out places where theres not those sharing or boundary issues and he is alot better.

I think their age depends on whether they are going to copy. My neice spent the weekend pushing my dd2 around and now my dd2 has come back hitting etc too. They are both 2. When this other boy was hitting my dd1 she was 3 and alot more sensible and knew not to hit back etc.

Thanks flummery I really hope she doesnt become a hitter.

I shall try and keep a close eye on them. Actually though it isnt as bad when we are out, but when we are in eachothers houses then it gets worse.

Monkeyfeet - I'm not sure that it's helpful to attach labels to children - like 'hitter', as in your last post. I think it can stigmatise them and skew your view of that child - if a child is labelled (even just in your mind) as a 'hitter', then you will be hypersensitive to that behaviour - ie: something happened accidentally you would immediately see it as a deliberate 'hit'.

As MrsMattie says, it is a pretty normal thing for kids to do - what matters is that you deal with it appropriately. I have three boys, and I once intervened in a fight and investigated the cause, only to find that ds3 had thumped ds2. When asked why he had thumped ds2, ds3 replied, 'Because he was looking grumpy!!' Obviously I pointed out that you do not hit for any reason, and gave him a time out - but we did laugh about it once the kids were in bed!!

sunnygirl.

Sunny - I have not labelled her as a hitter if you read the post, I am saying I do not want my dd to start hitting. I would no way label the child and this doesn't make me think differently of her. She is lovely little girl and there no malice with the hitting it is not carried out in anger. It appears to be learned or experimenting, I dont know. I am concerned with the behaviour rubbing off onto my dd. But if this is a phase maybe it will happen anyway.

It's annoying when the other parent doesn't seem to 'deal with it' though. My DS (4) got called a tosser recently by a friends child and the mum didn't even tell him off (it was clear and she heard it BTW).

I would keep a close eye on it, and step in when you need to, but don't worry to much this is very common and will not last forever.

I agree that you just need to keep an eye on it, the stage will pass soon. I don't think there is any danger of your DD hitting if she hasn't so far.

yabu as this cannot be answered in a yabu or yanbu stylie