to want to vent sometimes!

[needmorecoffee]

I am in so much pain I don't know what to do with myself. I have multiple sclerosis plus a bad back/hips (maybe MS, maybe new thing). I am crying from it right now.
Mentioned it to a friend and she said I was bieng a victim cos I told her how much it hurt me to do household stuff.
Why can't frineds listen ffs and not make me feel guilty and wonder if i am ' being a victim' and attention seeking

Message withdrawn

How unkind

Sorry you are in so much pain.

I told my BF recently that I was upset about my friend's husband dying and other people being rather insensitive about it and he told me to 'get over it and stop trying to control people'

Then he wonders why I chose not to tell him stuff that bothers me.

How mean, I'd ditch so called "friend" to be honest. If she can't be kind to someone with a serious illness then she can't be much of a friend.

She sounds like an arse. Vent away on here, I wish I could do something practical to help

Keep venting on here - people are much less kind irl.

YANBU

constant pain is exhausting and draining, as well as hurting. And it's not like you can just stay in bed for a week and do nothing.

You aren't attention seeking or playing the victim.

for you needsmorecoffee.

I haven't got your problem but do suffer with long term pain and am on regular meds for it.

You are not a victim and your friend was thoughtless and insensitive to have even suggested it. Long term pain can be as mentally disabilitating as it can physically and you should be proud that you even bother to try to do household tasks if you are in such pain.

And so what if you do want a bit of attention for it?, I wouldn't dream of saying that to any of my friends, I would go out of my way to help them.

I would definately distance myself and try to do something to cheer yourself up a bit if you can.

oh poor you, it's crap isn't it. I have experienced this - in fact I had one friend's mother who told me that if I believe hard enough I would be cured and that obviously I didn't have enough faith. . I have another friend who if I dare mention that sometimes it's hard to have spent every day of the last 3 years in pain she says something like "oh I know, when I get a headache it's just so hard"...

so you have my complete sympathy and moan and vent away!

That is not a friend.

You have an illness that is without your control and nothing for you to feel guilty about atall.

Come vent on here and we'll all give you manly pats on the shoulder (I have even heard tell that some may give you non mn hugs if the situation calls for it )

Have you someone that can help you day to day?

its the same frind who critised how grubby my cooker was and how mesy my house is
that really upset me. I do my best.

time to ditch - you seriously do not need friends like that. Friends don't amke you feel bad.

As for pain..I have just bought a tens machine that brings some relief, don't know if it would be something you could look into.

It sounds like time to start asking yourself why you are friends with her - reevaluate the friendship.

Yep, agree with the others, ditch the friend.
Your frinds are meant to make you feel better; family are there to give you a hard time!

its partly cos I still don't know many people in this city and get a bit lonely
Now that is pathetic!

Tell her from me to 'fuck off'. Good grief I am rarely shocked but I truely find her behaviour callous.

You have my undivided empathy - I really hope you feel more comfy soon.

oh I know that feeling.

I grew up here ffs, and still I now have (am too ashamed to say exactly how many) few friends.

Everyone else, bar one or two, 'doesn't understand kids' and basically are insulting and generally unrealistic.

So I'm left with the decent ones, but apart from this can go up to a month without speaking to anyone but family.

Mother and toddler groups didn't go well and now ds is too old for them.

Maybe we should start a 'desperately seeking friends group' or would that be too needy

Needmorecoffee, it's hard to distance yourself from someone when you don't have many other people around. I am in a similar position. But, it's probably better to have 1 less 'friend' than keep one who makes you feel bad. A real friend would listen, sympathise, make you a cup of tea and offer to help.

I lost a lot of friends when dd was born partly cos they didn't know what to say and partly cos there was an expectation that you would be 'over it' after a few months and back to being fun fun fun.
But acceptance of a severely disabled child takes several years. By accpetance, I mean, acceptance that this is how it is and its real.
And then spending so long and so often at hospital appointments.
I am very very lonely and go go weeks without speaking to another adult (who isn't a doctor or therapist)
I also feel out of place at toddler groups cos have very little in common with non-disabled people's worries. They worry about poo colours while I am worried about more brain damage.
Have met some nice mumsnetters and wish they came over more but its hard taking dd anywhere so don't feel I can keep asking people to come here. They get fed up of me!
I know I should ditch this woman.

I think we need to organise some kind of regular meetup.

I am hoping to move to your area after christmas, so maybe that would make things easier to arrange.

yeah, that would be a great idea. Especially now dd is at school. I can be a lady who lunches
There's several houses for rent and sale in adjoining streets.
Gawds I sound needy

the idea of being a lady who lunches def appeals to me