To feel absolutely gutted at how little my family think of my child?

[deanychip]

I know that this is age old and has been discussed to death.
Went away and took the mil with us for a little holiday.
Ds is 5 and thier only GC.
She was showing me some pictures on her digital camera and there were pictures of strangers getting pissed up on a Friday night in dh's younger brothers bedroom (still lives at home, aged 34 pissess all of his wages up the wall every weekend) with mil joining in. Not a single picture of ds at all.
Claiming to not have enough time to do this that and the other, never sees ds unless she and fil come to the house with something wrong with thier car for dh to fix.
never offer to take him out, look after him or see him.
She told me over and over that FIL absolutely LOVES zoos and animal parks and that when they go out, they go to these places. (never offer to take ds)

Thats dh's family, mine just act as if my boy belongs to some one else, nothing to do with them, and yet my mother has both my sisters kids every day/ week over night and picks them up from school.

I am sad about this, and although i didnt sya any thing to my MIL, it made me want to cry.
Unreasonable?

He doesnt see my issue at all unfortunately.

He gets a bit cross with me truth be told, he doesnt see what i mean, and actually thinks that my mother is not a nice person for our son to be around anyway. (i agree with this)
Its his parents that i take issue with, and he doesnt think anything of it. Makes me feel like a trouble maker to be honest.

My FIL and his dw live a 2 minute car ride away from us. They have not seen ds this year, last time was last Christms Day. They don't phone, visit, invite us there, anything. We did used to visit regularly, but now I can't be bothered. In the 6 years that I have been with dh, I have had 2 cups of tea in their house, and they have been in ours ONCE. I guess everybody is different, and their not knowing their grandson is their loss.

I do know how you feel

I am so disappointed with my family that I can hardly even bear to speak to them atm.

Parents go to Thailand for 3 weeks.

DS is supposed to go into hosp for op and so I arrange childcare for him (if he is well enough to have someone else look after him) and ask Mum to come and stay for a couple of days. She ums and ahhs and says she would have to bring Dad who is a PITA! and that she can only do one day as she needs to be at church on the Thursday evening.

I cancel the whole thing as I cannot be bothered with her and her excuses and one night with Dad in tow is just not what I need.

They then bugger off to Spain for 2 weeks and DONT EVEN TELL ME!!

She is now annoyed that we have not gone to see them during half term and is even more angry that we are not going at Xmas. It is just too much bother and no break for me. She sits on her bum and does nothing and never offers to do something with the boys who are really no trouble.

DH's mother is worse and we have no idea where DH's father is.............

Bloody families!!!

We've lived with DH's family's complete indifference to our children for nearly 10 years now and have found that you really do have to just accept it for what it is and vow you will never do the same to your children.

My PILs failed to make it to our wedding, sent DH a packet of spanish underpants for his 30th birthday (they lived in Spain, FIL still does, MIL died), DD has seen them 3 times (she will be 10 in Jan) and two of those were when she was a baby, DS (5) has seen them when he was two but doesn't know who they are/were. We don't see his brothers and sisters who are a couple of hours drive away, despite having attempted to get everyone together.

The sad thing is my MIL did realise she was utterly rubbish and wanted to make amends when it looked like she would win her fight against cancer. Unfortunately she lost it. FIL isn't making any more of an effort than before, he did make it over this summer at short notice, whilst we were in France on a previously booked holiday. Poor DH has been so hurt over the years but I think he has got to the stage now where he accepts the situation where they are what they are and he is better off without them than feeling bad about it. But it does take time to get there.

really though is just accepting it the best option?

It was for us, there is only so many times you can try. You can't make people want to see you. You do have to try first I think but if it doesn't work, you have to get to the stage where you accept it for your own sanity.

Yes chocolate, I totally agree.

I know, you are right.
Its great to be able to sound off to people who understand because it is the same for you all too.

ok, if you want my honest advice:
fuck em.
look to your friends for the kind of support and love you and your ds need.
I was in a similar situation, and I "adopted" some friends in their late sixties as surrogate gps (they have no grandchildren). it works a treat.
as it happens, my ILs are now a bit better now the dc's are older, so you never know.
but generally speaking, fuck em.

HA love it love it love it!!!
YEAH FUCK um, i agree!

no yanbu
you can't make someone want to do it though can you. It's just really sad.
my mum is exactly the same...when i used to tell her something about dd...she would compare it to her dog. ' oh yes...maggie does that too!'
Yes mum but maggie is a FARKING DUMB BEAST!!

Don't get me started

My parents are brilliant and try to treat the kids equally, however she spends a lot more time/money with my brothers children The reason is because my SIL is a manipulative... erm... person and puts Mum on many a guilt trip. For example, she's had a cluster migrane since Thursday and couldn't get out of bed today, took her awhile to get up yesterday. My BIL had to take her to hospital this morning for an injection. My SIL made her take my neices last night. Mum was so worried about us calling my brother that we had to call my sister and a friend to come and help me look after them. Eventually my sister rang him and said her DH was bringing them home, because she was so angry at the way they treat her. Mum can't buy anything for one of their kids without the others (they have five) and she has to have at least one a weekend (or she gets a guilt trip, like she'll leave them with a crack-head or "Nanny doesn't want you"). Mum is so worn out that she can't spend more time with Tink without me being around too.

Is it possible there is more going on than you know?

As for the other side, I'm going to start a thread of my own about them!

lol trout pout maggie does that too.

Bloody hell. YANBU. I have to agree with Harpsichordcarrier..... fuck 'em....