to think that its ok for DD to call my husband Daddy?

[mummy2olivia]

DDs bio father and me split when she was 8 weeks old. I found him cheating with his other daughters mum when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I really really hated him for this- but I stuck with him because I was pregnant. The relationship got worse- he reguarly told me he hated me and that the sight of me made him angry, he kicked me to the floor when I was 35 weeks pregnant, he cheated on me when I was in hospital giving birth, I came out of hosp to find a girls belongings all over my house. I took this quite calmly because at this point I knew I had to leave for my babies sake. I went to my mums when she was 8 weeks old.

He pursued me for months- until I met my now DH. DD was 12 months old when I met DH- he loved her the moment he saw her and helped me raise her. we moved in together when she was 18 months old and he does everything for her. He got up to her in the night, changed nappies, took time off work when she was ill (can I just say at this point that we shared all theses things- I'm making it sound as if I did nothing!!). To cut a long story short- in my eyes he is her daddy but that is just my opinion. However when DD was about 3/4 years old she was learning about families and started to ask questions and after a few years of calling my now DH by his first name, she asked to call him Daddy. We said that she can call him whatever she felt she wanted to and Daddy has stuck ever since.

Back to DDs bio daddy, she still calls him Daddy, he sees her about once a month and has no other part in her upbringing.

He has dropped her off this morning and said that he doesnt approve of DD calling my DH daddy- I said ' but it is olivias choice'.

DD knows who made her, she knows who looks after her, she is very bright and understands who is who. but this has got me thinking, what is reasonable?

What do you all think?

I agree it is up to your daughter.
In every sense of the word apart from sperm donor, Daddy is exactly who he is.
Sweet FA to do with your ex.

I think it is perfectly reasonable.

It is her choice and a testament to your DH that she wishes to give him the name Daddy

Your DH sounds like the most involved, committed father that your little girl could possibly ask for.

Her biological father sounds, IMHO, like a dead loss.

He lost the right to 'approve' or 'disapprove' of what she does and how you raise her when he behaved so appallingly.

The only time I would ever think it would be right for a child to be calling another man Daddy is if the biological father wants nothing to do with the child, that being said your DH sounds like he's more of a father that the bio father.
It's interesting that you point out how terrible this man behaved towards you but it's now about how he behaves towards his DD.

How old is your DD now? My child has called another man daddy and it upset me deeply, I always try and do right by all of my DC, but I suspect this was XW asserting her opinion as she also tried to change the surname and I had to seek legal help to prevent it.

Your in a tough situation really, I wouldn't say you are being unreasonable if thats what your DD really wants and is old enough and mature enough to understand the implications.

I just felt really bad and awkward this morning when he could hear her run in the house shouting for her dad. Felt like I should explain it but I cant- there is nothing to explain really.

Your DD understands the situation and she asked to call him 'daddy' so that is all that matters. I wouldn't discuss it further-if her biological father makes a fuss, just tell him that it was Olivia's choice and change the subject.

DD is 5 now and I would just like to say that she does fully understand who her dad is as in who made her. My point of how this man behaved is more about how he behaved whilst I was pregnant and in labour- this kind of established to me how he felt about me and his child. TBH he could have acted how the hell he wanted towards me but when it involved our child, I realised I couldnt stay with him anymore.

when he sees DD now, they are like mates- does that sound odd? He does things with her but doesnt really act like a parent- he does have a girlfriend now who is very good with olivia which I am relieved about. Before he met his girlfriend he would do things like 'pop out to the shop' and leave DD in his flat alone cos he was only gonna be five minutes or take her to his mates houses for the afternoon and while they all sat round drinking and smoking and playing x box, she would have to sit and wait for him. He has done this and told her to tell me that he takes her to a cafe. this makes DD upset when she comes home because she hates to lie.

I see no problem in the name your dd has choosen for your dh, from her perspsctive your dh does all the things that a daddy does so she can call him daddy .....like many of her friends and the men they live with ....

Personally IMO your dh is jealous ( possibly understandably) but his actions in the past preclude him being involved in this discussion your dd has 2 daddies she's happy with this situation and at the end of the day surely it's her feelings that count in this situation.

Word of warning tho' make sure that dd is aware you are more than happy for her to continue calling you dh daddy and that many children have more than 1 daddy as from you description of past actions I would suggest that this may be brought up with dd when you are not present by exp, and forarmed ios forwarned and all that. I may be barking up the wrong tree but I would have a chat before their next meeting.

Good luck

dd calls dh daddy, she is 3. She now has contact with her bio dad (who left me when preg) and calls him daddy too. Slightly different in our case though because even her bio dad refers to dh as daddy, ie 'there's your daddy, go to daddy' etc.

Like your dh, mine is the best dad dd1 could ever wish for. In fact the pair of them have just brought me up a cup of tea and a plate of cup cakes they have made this afternoon. They are now about to watch the Grand Prix together- she is his shadow!

I wouldn't give two hoots what anyone else thought of our situation.