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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want something for myself?

18 replies

needmorecoffee · 01/11/2008 17:41

after being home for 17 years I want to go get a job/do a course but the maoning and complaining from my teens cos they might have to do some chores or cooking or shopping is making me want to leg it.

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 01/11/2008 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
needmorecoffee · 01/11/2008 17:45

neuropsychology masters degree OR working in the witness care programme for disabld people.

OP posts:
PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 01/11/2008 17:46

Tell them to sod off or pack their bags. They are old enough to look after themselves now. It's time for them to stand on their own 2 feet and not expect you to be their slave.

You deserve to live your life for you, not for others.

Original poster
needmorecoffee · 01/11/2008 17:56

I am feeling like going on strike. Its been half term. DH and the 2 boys have spent every second playing computer games. I've dealt with cooking and washing and spending hours trying to get the medical and respite services dd needs.
I do feel like taking dd and leaving but can't get both wheelchairs into the car!

OP posts:
PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 01/11/2008 17:59

A nice holiday strike by you is in order here I think. There's nothig like having to fend for yourself to give you some perspective. Do you not have a jobs rota? Do the little darlings get pocket money/computer privilages/nights out if they do their jobs? You shouldn't be expected to do everything. Is there something you could disconnect? Sky? Just until they start pulling their weight?

TheRealMrsJohnSimm · 01/11/2008 18:01

oh needmorecoffee, YANBU at all. And I feel your pain with regards to "time off"....when DH/DCs are home their concern with anything domestic extends as far as "are my [insert appropriate piece of sports wear here] clean" or "what are we having for supper?"

My two DCs are only 4 and 8 but whenever I tentatively suggest I may return to work (part-time, school hours type thing) I am told "but we need you at home"......erm......but you're at school, no???

needsomeonetotalkto · 01/11/2008 18:08

Please just do it. Your life and you only get one.

Original poster
needmorecoffee · 01/11/2008 18:10

I think I've just let things slip cos of dealing with dd these past 4 years. So the teen shave become lazy. And I was afarid to puish them as dd1 ran off claiming I was oppressive and some people filled her head with crap saying if you made your child do chores you were an evil parent.
They only do half a job (and dh is just as bad) so I end up having to go re-do the fucking thing.

OP posts:
castlesintheair · 01/11/2008 18:11

Definitely go for it. My DCs are much younger and I am already planning my return to work/study.

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 01/11/2008 18:16

There's only ds and I in our house, he's 9 and he has chores to do, they are not to make his life harder but so we can get things done faster so we can play . Make new rules, if they don't help then they don't get pocket money/time on the computer etc. If it's half a job they get half the pocket money.
They should be doing chores to help you! Maybe you need a couple of days on strike so they can see how much you do for them. Or use their pocket money and hire a cleaner.

You only get one life, live it how you want. You should never regret the things you've done, but regret the things you have not done.

Stefka · 01/11/2008 19:32

Go for it!! You deserve something for you.

Original poster
needmorecoffee · 02/11/2008 09:27

through an undignified paddy and they unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen

OP posts:
DustyTv · 02/11/2008 09:38

YANBU, go for it, I have returned to studying, DD will be a year old this month, and alothough it is only one night a week I go to college it is my saviour.

I go on a thursday evening, DD goes to creche Thursday afternoon and DH picks her up so I get from 1pm to 9pm on Thursdays. If I didn't I think I would have gone insane.

You need to do something for you, give your DH a kick up the bum and tell him to give to a hand. Your Dc will be fine, they will have to learn sometime to sort themselves out.

ninedragons · 02/11/2008 09:59

It's neglectful of your children not to make them independent.

I once knew somebody who took a whole term's worth of laundry home to mummy at every university holiday - no woman in her right mind was ever going to sign up for a life with him.

I'd have those computer games on eBay quick smart.

BroccoliSpears · 02/11/2008 10:03

You would be doing them a favour by teaching them to fend for themselves and to consider the feelings of others.

Original poster
needmorecoffee · 02/11/2008 10:15

they can both cook and clean, care for dd etc etc. They are just lazy.

OP posts:
DustyTv · 02/11/2008 10:18

NMC. good that they can do all that, if your not there then they will have to not be lazy and get on with it

Tough Love.

Good luck.

GentleOtter · 02/11/2008 10:30

You can start by asking various universities for more information on the courses or attending their open days to get an idea on work load/ other students/distance you would be travelling etc.

Your teens will be perfectly capable of becoming more independent and it will do them no harm to pull their weight a little more.

Good luck! It is an exciting new beginning!

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