Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a bit, well, odd?

17 replies

MamaG · 01/11/2008 11:47

Husband and wife split up. Very bitter divorce. Wife had affair with their builder, horrid horrid etc. Two DDs.

Bitter divorce and custody battle culminating in Mum having girls and Dad having access.

18 months down the line, Mum has sent both girls to boarding school (age 7 and 10) and has taken in 3 foster children.

Whilst I heartily commend anybody who fosters, I find it bizarre that she's sent her own children off to boarding school.

It is odd isn't it? OR is it just me?

OP posts:
themildmanneredaxemurderer · 01/11/2008 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyShivers · 01/11/2008 11:49

my initial instinct is odd

BroccoliSpears · 01/11/2008 11:51

Well I suppose there could very well be reasons why it's not odd, but it does initially strike me as a bit odd. I'm curious to know why that was the solution that works for them.

needsomeonetotalkto · 01/11/2008 11:54

Prehaps she thinks boarding school will give them the best start in life (I don't agree BTW) and she fosters to pay for it?

lulumama · 01/11/2008 11:55

is she tired of her own DCs? is she doing this so the dad has little access? or does she want them out of the way so that she is not reminded of their dad and marriage?

was fostering and boarding school always the plan?

there must be a thought process behind this. would love to know what it is

can;t help think her own DCs will feel wholly rejected and pushed out in favour of the fostered children

KerryMmmmkay · 01/11/2008 11:56

Aside from it being a very odd set up, 7 and 10 is far to young to be at boarding school imo. Poor girls.

findtheriver · 01/11/2008 11:58

Very odd indeed. They'll be very unusual children if they come through all that unscathed I reckon!

loobeylou · 01/11/2008 12:01

I feel so sorry for the kids - how must they feel? it's bad enough when you get the scenario where daddy leaves you and your siblings and goes and moves in with someone else with kids, who then get all your dads time.

TBH I am surprised that the fostering agencies don't think this wierd. It smacks of double standards all round. Like the foster kids are paying the way for the other kids to have a better life than them!

totally odd IMO

Ripeberry · 01/11/2008 12:08

Sounds like she wants her own children's rooms for the foster children so she can make a living.
Foster carers do get paid quite a lot and maybe her own children WANTED to go to boarding school.
Seems odd, yes, but if it works for them, why not?

Ashantai · 01/11/2008 12:13

Well its a hard one. Maybe the kids wanted to go to boarding school, we dont know their situation.

But i'm sure my kids would be horrified to know that i packed them off then went on to foster 3 other kids!

Ripeberry · 01/11/2008 12:13

OK, yes they are a bit young. Did she not have any relatives they could live with like grandparents.
When i was 4yrs old and my brother was just under 1yr old we were farmed out to our grandparents, because my mum was not well (manic depressive) and my dad was working abroad.
Was she a foster carer before? If not then bit of a strange career move, maybe can only see the money side of it and the foster agencies are desperate.

twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 12:15

I fought a v ery bitter custody battle and dd had a place at a school that offered boarding, she would not have boarded until the secondary phase though. Does not mean I don't love my daughter and was the correct parent to have residency.

loobeylou · 01/11/2008 12:20

Twinset, you didn't go on to take in other children though did you, this must be odd for the natural kids, no?

I would rather have a "poorer" quality of life and have my kids with me 24/7, than foster to have enough money to pack them off and buy extras!

twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 12:25

I have discussed being a foster parent actually, but because if ill health I dont think I would be accepted. I also don;t think I am a good enough mother to my own before inflicting myself on another. If I were to foster I would not take in another child as my dd started boarding though.

lisad123 · 01/11/2008 12:28

maybe she thinks boarding school is the best place for her own kids. Some people believe this otherwise, why have boarding schools?

IAmNotHere · 01/11/2008 12:30

I think the pay for fostering is covering the school fees.

Original poster
MamaG · 01/11/2008 16:55

I don't know her very well but before the girls went to boarding school, she told me they would be going to local grammar school so I don't think boarding was always the plan

She didn't foster until her oldest DD went to board, then 2 weeks after taking in first foster child, younger DD went off to board

I am very nosy but couldn't possibly ask her about it, much better to discuss it with strangers online behind her back

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page