To be really irritated by this chilcare issue

[RagingHormone]

3 family members wanted to look after baby DS when I went back to work. They were getting all rowey and snippet about it so I just said they could have him a day each as I would be working 3 days.

I said I would rather put him in a nursery as I know that people have commitments or unexpected things crop up and I don't expect someone to look after him. They all got upset and said no and whinged at me a lot. So I said if they really wanted to look after him I would have to know they would be available every week on the same day for a year or let me know well in advance if they wern't so that I could arrange something. They all said o.k.

I explained that if anyone had a problem they would have to let me know by September so that I could apply for the childcare part of student loan which covers 85% costs and I would have to get him in to a nursery (they fill up quickly round here) as I am a part time teacher. They were adament they would have him.

It is now November and one person has said she can't mind him after xmas as she will be having my brother's children, one person has decided she wants a job afterall so she can't have him every week, only the weeks she feels like having him, isn't too tired and isn't working, and one has been asked by her work to work that day so she said she will.

Which has left me with no childcare for the rest of the year. Why do that? Why didn't they listen to what I was trying to say in the first place? Now it's too late to apply for the childcare grant and I can't get DS into a decent nursery.

Oh and to top it off my auntie hs been going on about how I'm so selfish to explect these people to look after my child as they've raised their kids so why should they have to look after mine. She forgets my mum looked after her 2 kids full time while she worked for years from when they were babies.

I've no idea what to do at the moment. If I give up work we can't survive financially. The only nursery that can take him has a particular woman looking after the babies who used drugs recreationally a lot and her DP is a well know drug addict. When I went in to view the nursery she was shouting her head off at a 1 year old.

nightmare!! i have had the same issues with family members offering to look after dd then work, holidays, training, other random days(?) have cropped up and i have ended up using a lot of my holiday days from work on these random days instead of being able to use them when dh was off too etc.

I do have dd in at nursery 2 days a week now so when i am let down on the other day i have the option there of trying to get her in nursery if they have a spare space.

I also feel really guilty if i feel any sort of upset/annoyance towards these people tho as they are doing me a huge favour on the days that they do have dd and over the last 18mths have saved me a fortune in nursery fees!

its a tricky one, hope you manage to get something sorted

YANBU I would be furious. WOrth letting them know they have caused you a hug headache.

I think the only thing you can do now is to get your baby on a waiting list for a good nursery.

And remember that it's a BAD idea to let family members pressurise you into thinking they know best! This is YOUR child; your instinct in the first place was to organise nursery care which you were happy with rather than pass him around family members as if her were some kind of parcel. Trust your instincts in future and ignore your useless family members!

Although it's a bit late in the day and inconvenient for you right now, it is probably for the best that they have pulled out now

I think it would be tricky to have family members looking after your child as it may be awkward to bring up issues you may have with them if you were unhappy with any part of their care- you wouldn't feel this way if you were paying a professional.

Also, it may have been confusing for your child to spend 3 days a week with different carers. At least now, although the sistuation has be forced upon you, your child with have continuity of care.

I always discounted a childminder with pfb (!) dd, as I thought she would be safer in a nursery with lots of adult eyes on her- and she was happy there, as was dd2 when she went. BUT, I have returned to uni (to do teacher training) and needed to find a cheaper alternative, so I use a childminder and au pair. I was so nervous about a CM, but she is beyond fab! I wish I had found her before ever looking at nurseries (I may be lucky though as she only looks after my children). So, sorry for going off topic, but could you look for a CM?

What does a childminder actually do? Do they come to the house? Or does baby go to theirs? How much money would I be looking at and how would I go about finding one?

CM takes care of the childe in her home. S/he has to be registered with OFSTED so you can feel secure that the house has been vetted and has been declared safe, meets fire regulations etc, and that there are adequate toys and activities for your child.

I pay mine £3.50 per hour, but in reality it is less than that as she gives me a reduction for having the two of them. Also, even with one, her full time weekly rate works out to be less than £3.50 per hour.

Mine is very flexible, and only charges for the time she looks after the gils ie. not during school holidays, which I had to pay for the nursery to reatin their places.

Try lookin gon the NCMA website, and also your local site of Netmums.com- there are often childminders advertising on the childcare page.

Good luck!

My dd has been with a childminder since she was a year old (she's now nearly 4).

I knew from the start that I wanted dd to be in a home environment with one significant person with whom to build a trusting and important relationship. We found a fabulous childminder who has become a really important part of dd's life.

To answer your questions RH - a childminder works from her own home. They have to be registered with OFSTED and a subject to regular inspections. There are regulations governing how many children she/he is able to look after at any one time. This varies according to the age of the children but I think it's something like 1 child under one, and no more than 3 under 3.

Childminders are now required to follow the Early Years Foundation Stage which is guidance for a baby and young child's development and learning. However, the joy of childminders is that everything is done within a home environment, so it's much as you would do at home.

If you google "Childcare Information Service" you will get a website which allows you to put your postcode in and then gives you a list of all the registered childminders in your area.

Cost: Well my childminder is quite expensive - she charges £4.30 per hour which includes food.

Why don't you start a new thread asking the childminders on mumsnet (there are loads!) to come and give you some information.

You never know, you might find someone in your area!