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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a bit fed up and want to rant!!!!

51 replies

KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 21:50

Need to vent and better to do it here then in real life....

Do you ever want to just stand in the middle of Tesco and bloody well scream!!! If you see a little overweight woman doing so in the next few days it will be me.

Why I hear you ask (ok you're probably not asking but I will tell you any how)

I love my family to bits and they are great people for the most part but....

My mother is unwell, she has been unwell for the past 28 years mostly with her nerves and I could regal you with tales to make your hair turn white, oh the joyful trips to the hospitals when she had convinced herself and us that she was having a heart attack/ stroke/ brain bleed...(AKA known as a panic attack) but now she really is poorly, she is a diabetic, Dr gave her pills but she would not take them, so it got worse, she smokes 40 a day has a rotten diet and thinks chocolate is a breakfast food. So she ends up in hospital and now looks like she will need an op to unclog the fuzzy blood tubes and has been given insulin (So I have had my insulin I can eat cadburys roese now)!!
Since coming out of hospital she has been staying with me and I do not mind looking after her, but today she was "too Ill" to go to the Dr so now has no strips for her blood glucose test kit, she is not really eating enough to keep her blood sugar under control and is still eating f*&%ing sweets. The nurse has been in to dress her foot and she takes most of the dressing off before the woman has started her car, I found loads of pills in her dressing gown pocket that she hid in hospital as she did not want to take them!!!!! Mum is not old or demented (just stupid) I feel like I am running up the down escalator!

And then we have my sister (who is a grown woman) lives with Mum and tells me everyday how much she has to put up with and do, and how I don't do for mum what she does, sis wont stay in a house on her own so has also been staying with me, she is the most kind hearted person in the would but by god is she lazy, It is the small stuff that is driving me up the wall, never washes up, never picks up a towel, leaves stuff all over the place, can't turn a light off or a tap, makes a drink and leaves it so not only wastefull but more washing up. Just to add to the fun not only is her boyfriend coming to stay this weekend (comes to stay a lot nice bloke) but she has told his best mate he can come too (I am not Dr Who this is a house NOT the tardis) although last Christmas she surpassed herself and invited boyfriends whole family for the weekend!!!

I then have 2 children, one with slight SN who wound up in hospital with an appendicitis 2 weeks ago, so I was running between his ward and my mothers ward.
Half term has been a non starter as mum is ill and DS1 has been recovering so we have gone 2 the cinema and that was it!

DS2 is not happy with me as I have to go away for 3 weeks in a few weeks time, I will be a long way from home (8 hour flight) and he is not happy at all (he is only 8)
My sister is not happy I am going as this will most likely coincide with my mums op ( a good friend of mine is coming to look after mum if this is the case) but I have still been yelled at over this and I think sis missed her vocation as a priest as she can make you feel sooo guilty!

The house resembles a cross between down town Basra and a jumble sale, I clean one room go to another and by the time I go back to the first room again it is knee deep in shite

So I now have a pain in my chest and after 4 days of this (I decided if it was a heart attack I would be dead by now) I wonder to the Drs and she tells me it is most likely stress and I need to wait for it I need to relax!!!!!!

So now my lovely mumsnetters if you have got this far, thank you, I am off to bed as hopefully I will get a bit of sleep before it all starts again tomorrow.

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KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 22:55

As I have said she is the most good hearted (if a bit flaky) person you could ever wish to meet, I guess being the baby of the family and having everything done for you is a bad thing. She was an investment banker so is smart and had working, but she is SO messy I could cry!

The fact my mum will not do as the Dr says is the most stressful thing and mum has martyrdom down to a fine art.
Burst in to tears and says I will go home tomorrow at the slightest thing.

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KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 22:55

HARD working

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 31/10/2008 22:59

Poor you!

Sounds as though your mum and sister need to start taking some responsibilty.

Don't buy red wine (or ban it upstairs).

Don't clean your sister's room.

Give your sister tasks to do e.g. going shopping tomorrow to buy a present (tell her exactly what to buy), sorting out the bed for her guests.

I think the more you do for them/her, the less they will do. Could your dh have a word about her helping out?

Have a good sleep

DesperateHousewifeToo · 31/10/2008 23:00

ps. you are NBU

KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 23:03

Don't buy red wine (or ban it upstairs).
Sis brings wine (I hate red wine) And we have told her time and time again not to take it upstairs but might as well talk to the cat

Don't clean your sister's room.
It my sons room, so once she goes home I have to clean it so he can have it back.

She did put the washing on today

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KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 23:07

I do feel sorry for my sister as she does have to deal with a lot from mum as sis lives with her, but I have 2 children, don't drive and live 15 miles away. Sister has also had to deal with illness of her own and the break down of her marriage.

They do seem to always find the hard way of doing things though, and if you say anything you are the one being unreasonable.

I guess I put up with it cause they are my family and I love them

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KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 23:08

And I can always vent here

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 31/10/2008 23:10

Could you give her the vacuum, polish, bin bag and clean sheets before she leaves?

If she is so desperate to stay with you, she must realise she has to help.

What about getting her to pay for a cleaner?!

KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 23:13

She helps by getting take away
She did offer to take DS1 out today but we had the dentist so that was a no go.
My kids love her to bits, and she is a great Auntie.

Mum P*$$ed me of last night though as I cooked 3 different dinners for 7 people and then mum moaned she had not had a cup of tea!!! I am not the only person who knows how to work the kettle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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KeepInMyImagination · 31/10/2008 23:15

Really am off to bed now as time to take more pain killers.
Thank you everyone who took the time to read my very long rant.

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DesperateHousewifeToo · 31/10/2008 23:16

Me too. It's cold!

Night.

KeepInMyImagination · 01/11/2008 08:17

At least I got a good sleep....
Bring on 14 small people and a vat of jelly

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OrmIrian · 01/11/2008 08:22

Gawd! Poor you...

If it helps rant, rant and rant some more.

Enjoy the jelly.

colacubes · 01/11/2008 08:30

Hi keep, you do sound like you are having a hard time of it, and I have no brilliant words of wisdom, and no way to help, so sorry, but if it helps, My life is one constant stressful event, I think Jeremy Beadle is going to jump out from every corner with his fake beard and big bloody microphone, and reveal, its all been one big practical joke!

I work my backside off and always seem to end up in the same place, I can not keep up with the house, the kids, work, bills, MIL, my mum, its one gawd awful ground hog day!!

So you are not on your own, but hopefully we will wake up one day, and something will be different then, BANG the butterfly effect and everything will fall into place,

Hope you have a good day, calm and happy! Im hoping for a day of cleaning and sorting out the pile of crap that seems to have grown in the corner of my bedroom. good luck CC

CatMandu · 01/11/2008 08:30

I just read this thread and wanted to say - go, go to Tesco's standing in the middle and shout your head off, I think you're allowed to .

My goodness you're swimming through Mars Bars, what a tough time! Could you sit down with everyone, kids, dh, mum and sis over a meal and say that you have a lot on your plate and could everyone help a bit?

It sounds like your Mum is the one who's driving you most crazy, what happens if you get tough with her?

KeepInMyImagination · 01/11/2008 08:40

Catmandu if I get tough with mum I am made in to the bad guy, she is still smoking and eating badly and I am looking at this woman who is clearly unwell and thinking "how an you be sooooooooo stupid"
All she seems worried about is getting my kids Christmas gifts!
AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

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KeepInMyImagination · 01/11/2008 08:41

Colacubes, shall we run away to a spa together????
Good luck with the leaning.

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CatMandu · 01/11/2008 08:58

Ok, here's my outsiders suggestion;

  1. Tell yourself that after how ever many years old you are you are not ever going to be able to change your Mum, she's a grown woman in charge of her own life. She doesn't want to listen to reason and when she rejects your well meaning advice you just feel bad, so stop. Do your best to stop trying to change her behaviour, except her for who and what she is. Admit defeat and enjoy the freedom that will come from it.
  1. Tell your sister that you understand that she doesn't want to be alone in your Mum's house, but she MUST be responsible for her own mess. The wine upstairs stops, friends can stay, but she must be responsible for getting beds out, feeding them, tidying up after. If she doesn't, as much as you love her, she has to go to your Mums.
  1. Ask dh to give you a bit of time off, go for a coffee in Costa and spend a couple of hours with a big pile of mags - whatever.
  1. Arrange a day out with just you, dh and kids and forget the rest of them.
Acinonyx · 01/11/2008 08:58

You can't make your mum look after her health even though it makes more work and stress for you as well. it's very frustrating trying to help someone who won't help themselves. And I can imagine what happens if you attempt to toughen up - it was the same with my mum. You felt you were torturing a hamster.

Acinonyx · 01/11/2008 08:59

I don't know the details - but I still think she has to get to grips with being alone in her own house. It's got to happen one day.

KeepInMyImagination · 01/11/2008 09:04

She was raped 9 years ago walking home by a stranger. (he was caught and got 11 years) but I do understand why she will not go home alone.

I am going for coffee on Tuesday with a good friend and we will put the world to rights (if only in starbucks for an hour)

I have almost walked away so many times and told them to get on with it, but its the guilt you know.

Thank you for letting me rant.

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KeepInMyImagination · 01/11/2008 09:06

I sometimes feel I am living in Eastenders!!!
Maybe I should get a barrow down the market

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Acinonyx · 01/11/2008 10:18

Oh dear - I can see why that would be difficult - espeically if she was actually walking home. Still - she will have to do it eventually - hard as it is. But couldn't she stay there with he bf and his friend? Any chance she will marry bf and set up home elsewhere?

alphabetsoup · 01/11/2008 17:34

sorry but your mum needs a firm talking to about her health and responsibility to herself...easier said than done I know. At least then it will all be out in the air and if your frankness hurts her feelings and brings on the martyr display, then tough. Tell it to her straight that her non compliance woth her medical regime is stupid dangerous and unhelpful. plus it makes more work for you who is already up to her eyes in the caring role. put it to her that it will be easier for you to help her if she helps herself.

And as for your sister ?? 32 going on 12. Yes a bad thing happened but she has to pull herself together before you all sink into a huge mire.

KeepInMyImagination · 01/11/2008 23:01

Thank you Acinonyx and alphabetsoup.
I have spoken to mum at great length about her health, and why she needs to take the meds and follow orders, so have her Dr's at the hospital but it is like telling rain to fall upwards.. pointless.

In all fairness to sis and her boyfriend we were having a Halloween party today for the children and they were helping so they would have been here this weekend, the friend seems ok too but it is more washing for Monday.
Oh and sis managed to block the loo with an always ultra .

I still have the pain in my chest but kids go back to school Tuesday, Sis will be at new job and so I can clean the entire house.

Oh and to add to the joy and fun, some f*&%wit has changed my mothers electric provider and she has no power at her house (as DH found out when he went to pick up her mail) seems someone came to the door a few weeks ago trying to get mum to change to them, mum said no thanks then got a letter saying thank you for changing to us, Sister phoned them up and said we are not changing, seems bloke who came to the door had filled in forms and signed them not just for mum but for a load of addresses, mum got a letter saying sorry for mix up bloke no longer works here, you will not be pestered again....then they changed it over anyway and as mum has a key meter and they did not send her a key she was buggered!!!! So back on the phone and they promise it will be sorted in a few days!! I will have to go over and give mums a good clean before she goes home anyway.

The party went well anyway, lots of small people eating pumpkin shaped jelly and playing pin the head on the skeleton before eating all the main food groups that involve sugar beating a pinyta {sp} to death and going home on a sugar high with a goody bag.

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