Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel I shouldn't have to bring my own food everytime I go to a party?

51 replies

BloodyStranglingwithBling · 31/10/2008 13:39

Dp and I are going to a halloween party tonight. I just pulled out the invite to double check the details and have spotted a line asking us to bring a plate of nibbles. This has been happening a lot recently - we get invited to a party then at some point, I'm asked to bring a plate of something (incidentally, it's always me that receives the email on food - not DP, although in this case it was in the original email).

These are people who are in their 30s, often married or coupled up, with mostly good jobs and careers. Is it so much to ask that if you want to invite people round, you should feed them?

I'm tempted to bring DP and I a sandwich each.

[and yes, it's "his" friends. my friends send us home with leftovers, never mind asking us to bring anything ].

OP posts:
MadreInglese · 31/10/2008 14:29

Enjoy the party

wendylanguage · 31/10/2008 14:31

You're not been grumpy I don't think. I've never heard of it before! Like you, I usually take something like wine, chocs etc but what's the point of hosting a party if you can't do the food? very odd way of being hospitable.

leonifay · 31/10/2008 14:31

i've only ever done this with my family as there is alot of us (my mum has 9 brothers all of which are married and have at least 4 kids, and were all very close!) and usually only on boxing day when were all take our left overs, occasionaly on other occasions too. but i've never heard of anyone else doing it. and not for specifically invited parties.

i agree that you should just pop in to m=s on the way or something and pick up one or two of their really cute party buckets with the small cakes in. thet usually goes down well.

sazzerbear · 31/10/2008 14:33

Credit crunch is stuffing everything up, even those few and far between nights us mums get to go out!! At least you can get drunk, I hope?

Original poster
BloodyStranglingwithBling · 31/10/2008 14:36

Oh yes, DP doesn't really drink.

Although I am meeting my elderly great aunt tomorrow for tea in the morning, so perhaps a stonking hangover is not the way to go?

OP posts:
sazzerbear · 31/10/2008 14:38

Well make sure you at least have a few polite ones, it's rude not to!

Original poster
BloodyStranglingwithBling · 31/10/2008 14:41

...

OP posts:
halfaquark · 31/10/2008 14:45

I think it's odd having food at a party at all, tbh! Can't you forward the email to dp to deal with since they're his mates, rather than colluding with their unreasonable sexist practices? (yes, sexist not sexy or sexual a la Spinal Tap!)

Original poster
BloodyStranglingwithBling · 31/10/2008 15:00

Half, that's a Whole other story! On DP. .

No, I'm calmer now. I'll get him to pick something up while he's out and about, and it will be fine. I will go to tea with my aunt, and then to coffee with another friend. And then I will curl up in a ball on the couch, moving only to open the door for the nice Tesco delivery man who is coming tomorrow night.

OP posts:
cat64 · 31/10/2008 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dreyfus · 31/10/2008 15:13

I was once asked to a BBQ which not only said 'BYOB' but 'bring whatever you want to barbecued.'

I suppose Mine Host did light the fire under it and even provided the matches, but still.

Troutpout · 31/10/2008 15:17

I generally take something (usually chocolates or nibbles of some sort) plus booze but weird to be actually asked imo

MorrisZapp · 31/10/2008 15:40

You can't go wrong with a tub of M&S extremely chocolatey bites. Job done!

I always take my own meat to BBQs, but it's annoying when you bring the local butcher's finest and get presented with rank cheapo sausages. You look like a right arse: 'Oh no, we brought those organic ones, we'll wait' etc.

Reminds me of my friend (the other way round) who always brings canned lager to parties and always drinks the bottled stuff when she arrives.

cheshirekitty · 31/10/2008 15:43

This is very common in Australia. First time I got a bring your own plate invite, the hostess phoned me up and explained it meant bring food and not an empty plate!!!Being a pom, she thought I might be a bit thick.

Just go and get some nibbles from m&s. Shove them in the oven, and have a lovely bubble bath and glass of wine while they are cooking.

mm22bys · 31/10/2008 15:44

Does sounds strange....

I know times are tight right now for a lot of people but I do find that on the very rare occassions I have people round for dinner, it seems to cost so much more than if we went out!

(Don't resent it, just an observation!)

Original poster
BloodyStranglingwithBling · 31/10/2008 15:47

I am going to be gracious and take something lovely (and inevitably expensive) from M&S. And then I will enjoy making it clear to all those invited to my new year's eve party that they don't have to bring food.

No one will notice, but I will be able to polish my little martyr's halo.

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 31/10/2008 15:51

I don't go to parties where I am asked to bring my own food. Or wine. We are no longer students.
If I invited friends to my house I wouldn't expect them to bring anything and vice versa

pingping · 31/10/2008 15:53

MadreInglese You mini Jackets sound lovely do you want to come to my housewarming on the 6th of Dec

PS bring the Jackets with you :-0D

Original poster
BloodyStranglingwithBling · 31/10/2008 17:21

MrsR - I would like to be friends with you please.

[although I do bring wine. but more as a gift. and sometimes chocolate. for same reason.]

OP posts:
Ladyface · 31/10/2008 18:04

Yanbu - I don't mind helping out by bringing a dish and would always take booze to a party but when you're expected to cater for someone elses party it's a bit much.

My dh's friend and his wife had a party for their ds's first birthday and all they did themselves was provide the knives and forks. The wife actually emailed out a spreadsheet telling everyone specifically what they needed to bring and to make enough for 60 people.

mrsruffallo · 01/11/2008 08:36

As a gift it wiould be gratefully accepted Bloody, but I would not be impressed if asked to bring these things along.
You don't sound bolshy to me btw!

sagacious · 01/11/2008 08:54

A plate of nibbles?
Hmmm I'd bring a decent bottle of red and a jar of olives !

Ladyface .. enough for 60?
What a cheek !

For bbq's we normally provide burgers and sausages, bread and nibbles. Bog standard wine and beers (but everyone despite us saying so still brings stuff) A lot of people stay over so we make it a bbq weekend as we can be happily gorging on bbq food for a week after.

For parties I don't expect people to bring anthing other than themselves but we always get a bottle of something

I have nice friends

Weegle · 01/11/2008 08:54

The absolute worst I had wasn't bring some food, or even bring something specific, it was an invitation to a BBQ with "rather than bringing your own meat for the BBQ please give us £7.50 per person and we'll buy it all from our lovely local butcher". We actually turned the invitation down we thought it was so rude. What particularly irked about that one was it came the week after the very same people had been guests at my 30th bday weekend away where we had organised accomodation and food for everyone for a whole weekend, which included 6 meals! For that I didn't ask people to bring things but nearly everyone (except the above couple!) asked if they could bring something and I did take people up but it was things like asking for ketchup, or jam, or some butter, little things! We also have another couple of friends who do this - they recently organised their child's christening and invited 200 people (I kid you not) and asked people to bring a dish - my view, if you can't afford to feed the 200 people just do drinks and nibbles, or don't invite so many!

Lilybeto · 01/11/2008 12:28

I went to a birthday dinner last weekend. It was a surprise for my friend's 25th, his DP organised it. We were told to bring our own drinks. Arrived their very hungry and clutching a lovely bottle of champagne and some wine to find no food. We then ordered pizzas, which we had to pay for and she put the champagne and wine away 9to save for another day!) and pulled out a bottle of cider for us to share.

Blinglovin · 03/11/2008 10:04

I thought you'd all enjoy the update...

DP went out and bought Hallowean looking cookies. We got there... There was SOOO much food, they sent us home with our cookies which are now going to be thrown away as we didn't eat them. It seems to have been piss poor planning more than anything else as she provided loads of food, and then everyone else brought food as per the instructions!!!

was a bit irritated (we need an irritated emoticon!).

Good party though.