to expect more support for managing a child entering puberty/pre-teens?

[SugarSkyHigh]

12 yrs ago when my DD was born I was spoilt for choice with child-rearing manuals, advice, et.c.etc. etc. These days there's even more help and advice for new parents! However now DD is entering an even more difficult and demanding phase of her life,and as a mother there is comparatively little advice and support out there. There are still countless mother and baby/toddler mags, health checkups, TV programmes, the list is endless. But what about we poor mums of pre-teens? I know a new baby / toddlerhood etc was incredibly demanding but my goodness THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE!!! (pre-teen strop coming on)

look back at those manuals - insert teen for toddler on the tantrum tips and Bob's your uncle!

Try these titles:
Blame my Brain: Nicola Morgan
Get out of my life but first take ma and Alex into town: Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks
Teenagers: Rob Parsons

The first title is really great - my ds has only just turned 13, and this really helped me to understand what was going on in his mind.

But it's sooo true that there is far less published to help parents of older children. Is that because a) teens are not cute, b) parents have gone past the stage where they think reading the right book will make everything OK, so they are less gullible and won't spend the money, c) teenagers' behaviour is often so awful that there are no solutions apart from grin and bear it?

i'll try the titles mentioned.... and i'm beginning to think that parents of under 5's are loads more precious - if nothing else because of the limited response to this thread!

I'll be looking up the titles too as dd is nearly 9 and showing flashes of teenagerishness. I can be over strict with her and guidance on how much leeway to give her and what is 'normal' would be helpful to me (and her)

As a parent of an under 5, the only thing that I've learnt from the manuals is to just use my own judgement . Mind you, ds can't storm out of the house or come home drunk yet. The amount of washing and general mess created is probably fairly close though.

Will ask friends with older ones if they've come across anything useful.

Oh and the mantra 'pick your battles' probably applies to children of all ages.

There's also - 'My Teenager is an Alien'. I don't have a dd, and I know from teaching that girls are different; but with ds I try to keep smiling; hug him lots; offer unlimited toast and listen to him. He syas himself athat sometimes he knows something is wrong, but he can't articulate what, and puts it down to life , the universe and everything.

All you can do is be there and keep the channels of communication open.

Lucifera - I thought your advice said "Gin and bear it" - could be worth a try?!!

The "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen" book is really good and they do a teen version now as well. I'd only recommend buying the teen one if you haven't got the other one, as a lot of the advice is the same: but it's worth ordering from the library.

As the parent of an impending teenager I recently bought and read
Get out of my life but first take ma and Alex into town: Tony Wolf and Suzanne Franks

... but I didn't really like it. Very wiffly-waffly IMO, and didn't really say anything I didn't think was pretty much common sense and I knew anyway.

(I work in a secondary school so have a fair idea of what teenagers are capable of. I keep telling ds1 on a daily basis how wonderful he is atm, and how becoming a sullen, monstrous teenager is not compulsory!)

perhaps because no one really knows... itis just TOO bloody difficult - they are difficult. end of story

Teens are very hard to cope with! My niece is just awful at the moment....

While keeping in mind that all teens are different, you could try a couple of websites...

About.com has some good stuff.

Yes, there should be more, but to be fair...perhaps there should also be books for teenagers on how to handle parents going through the mid-life crisis.

We had to do a course on child development in secondary (about age 14), which went as far as teenage tantrums. Remember thinking at the time that it wasn't me having the tantrums around our house.

YANBU, there are some good resources out there, but a lot less of them. I think that book shops market pregnancy and baby care books more than resources for older children.

My dd1 is 8, and there are few books for the mid childhood stage. The book which is most valuable for her is a bullying self help book written for children. It is quite American in its style, but she loves flicking through it when she is feeling down about friends. I do need to get a book about puberty soon, because she is tall (150cm) so she may go through an early puberty.

my girls are rising 12 yrs, 10 yrs and 8 yrs. Give it a few years and I'm not going to know what's hit me! With any luck I can get the mid-life crisis over beforehand.... thanks for responses, glad to see others have similar concerns.

A new website would be good - I was thinking teen-mumsnet.com but on second thoughts i think that gives out the wrong message....

try the library, I know ours has some but can't remember any of the titles at the mo.