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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to keep everyone in doors and not go anywhere?

18 replies

Lowfat · 30/10/2008 17:55

Okay so I know I am, but I cant help my over riding fear and feelings of anxiety.

DD(5) has got an amazing oppertunity to see the Lord Mayors Parade next week, from a spectacular vantage point in the city because her Godmother works there. Not to mention she gets to have a sleepver with her Godmother and a train ride and enjoy some other treats and fun put on by Godmothers employer. And I know her Godmother will be watching out for her like a hawk so am not worried about that.

I dont want to deprive her of such a wonderful day, but my head is filled with thoughts of dread because such a day in the capital would be a prime target for any terroist activity (I know I am being extreme but I cannot help it)

On the same day, DH with be nearly 200 miles in the other direction watching a football match, which I know I will be sitting at home worrying about in case there is any trouble or he has an accident on the motorway.

I have always been a worrier and will always be, so I would welcome some wise and sympathetic words from fellow MNetters to help me overcome my fears and allow my DD to enjoy a day she will always remember!

OP posts:

RubyShivers · 30/10/2008 17:57

your DD will have a great time

i mean this kindly - do not project your anxieties onto her and stop her going and having fun

Have you talked to anyone in RL about this?

RubyShivers · 30/10/2008 17:58

i am a bit of a worrier but you need to learn to not let it take over and start to impact negatively

LadyLaGore · 30/10/2008 18:00

what ruby said.
you wouldnt actually not let her go, would you?

Original poster

Lowfat · 30/10/2008 18:01

RS - I am an only child who has lost both parents as well as 3 pregnancies. When I lost my mum it was around the same time as I ost a PG. I got really depressed and was referred to a councellor. We talked about my fear of losing people (I lost my dad at 6 and my Grandad who lived with us at 11) as I had been through it so many times.

I know I have an irrational problem and thanks to couselling I know where it comes from, but I dont know how to deal with it.

I absolutley agree I do not want to put my fears on my DC's and would never ever discuss such feelings in front of my daughter. But this is the first time she will be going away from me. I have gone away on work but she has been safe at home with her dad. So I am really fretting.

OP posts:

RubyShivers · 30/10/2008 18:03

you have had a tough time - perhaps you need some more counselling?

it can be a very long process to get to the root of very long standing issues and then to change things

i guess rationally you know she will be ok, but the irrational part takes over

RubyShivers · 30/10/2008 18:03

would it help if you had a very busy day when she goes out so you can't dwell on it?

LadyLaGore · 30/10/2008 18:03

it sounds v difficult for you. i think youd be well within your rights to ask for a little more help; counselling or something... would you go to your gp and ask? if anxiety is becoming a real hurdle, you deserve some help with it.

pointygravedogger · 30/10/2008 18:05

Nothing will happen, lowfat. Let her go.

DustyTv · 30/10/2008 18:05

Lowfat, I started a thread a few months ago about experiencing exactly the same fears and anxiety you are now.

I got a lot of really good advice on that thread, will try and find it for you in a minute, but first I want to tell you that you can stop worrying so much, it is possible. I also said that I am a worrier and always will be, but now it is getting better.

I went for my first (and only so far) counselling session a week last Monday and already I feel so much more able to cope with things and worries.

Have you spoken to your GP? or anyone in RL, it does help.

DustyTv · 30/10/2008 18:11

here is the thread I started

X posts I see that you have had counselling.

I know what it feels like when you get that pit-of-the-stomach feeling. No matter how much you tell yourself that things will be fine you will not stop worrying.

As a short term solution could you not go with your DD and her godmother for the day?? Are you working? could you maybe take the day off if you are.

Then go seek some more counselling.

scrappydappydoo · 30/10/2008 18:16

Not sure if this would help but could you explain to godmother that you are anxious and maybe agree to text/phone at certain times just for your reassurance - same with your dh - that way you can relax a little. Also maybe find something that you know will occupy you that day - so instead of sitting and worrying the whole time you have a 'purpose'. Or maybe spend the whole day on mumsnet ;)
She will be fine - she will have a whale of time

peasoup · 30/10/2008 18:22

I think more counselling might help as you obviously still have fears. Also a little tip here from a sometimes worrier- give up caffeine! It really scaled down my worrying. I just thought "Why am I drinking tea and coffee when my minds racing anyway?" And guess what? It doesn't race anymore, ahhh....and relax....

purpleduck · 30/10/2008 18:31

Oh Lowfat honestly, you have to let her go. Please don't project your anxieties onto her - yes, you have reasons for being anxious, but you would be doing her a great disservive by handing the baton to her so to speak.

Peasoup, I TOTALLY agree about caffeine. It changes my life when I don't drink it (ie, less negative thoughts, less moodiness before my period, more energy....)

pamelat · 30/10/2008 18:35

I know what you mean.

Since the arrival of DD I worry each time someone else (other than DH) has care of her. I worry that they will crash the car, someone will mount the pavement and hit her etc etc. At least if I were with her it would be me too.

In fact, only last night I spoke to DH as he suggested a weekend in London and I said that I would not want DD in London . She is only 9 months and its partly based on the the fact that whenever I go I seem to get ill!! But a little bit based on terrorism anxiety (no personal founding for this)

However, I have found that the best tonic is practise. You have grounds for your worries (with your losses), I don't.

By practise, I mean let some control go. I have made myself let other people drive DD, made myself relax when she is out of sight and try not to worry about the "what ifs" It does work (for me). The more time we spend apart the more chilled I become. For me, going back to work will help a lot too.

Original poster

Lowfat · 30/10/2008 20:02

Pamelat - that is it exactly - at least if I was with her it would be me too!

having said that i have since spoken to DH (was at work before) and he immedialtey knew what i was thinking, but thinks she should go.

I have decided that yes she can go, but while she is away I will busy myself doing something fun with DS (20 months). DH will not go out until about 1pm and DD on her way home by 3pm so I dont have too bigger window in which to fester......

All you words of wisdon are appreciated - thanks x.

Purpleduck - I am very careful not to project my feelings on to my DC's as you can see from an earlier post.

OP posts:

DustyTv · 30/10/2008 20:31

LF, it's good that your DH seems to understand your anxieties.

Good idea as others have said to keep yourself busy, maybe if your able to do this without too much worrying then it will come a little bit easier to you next time.

I hope all goes well for you

peasoup · 30/10/2008 22:41

And listen to me and PurpleDuck about the caffeine!! We is wise

purpleduck · 30/10/2008 22:47

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