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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get fed up with friend and her fat kid

48 replies

GhostlySinCity · 29/10/2008 20:44

Ok, title delibrately nasty because I'm feeling a little temperamental.

But earlier on I was looking for some school trousers for DS and my friend fumed "oh! it's alright for you ... you can just get your kids cheap clothes from asda! I have to pay a fortune my DD's from BHS!" She whinges like this everytime I buy my kids anything because as mine are thin, I can buy them clothes from more or less anywhere. Her kids are overweight so apparantly it's harder to find clothes and they tend to cost more.

Hardly my ffing fault is it?! and maybe I'd have a bit of sympathy if she didn't then walk across to asda and buy a shit load of family sized chocolate bars for her kids for later!

OP posts:

Reallytired · 29/10/2008 21:04

I think there is a lot more than just food intake that controls the size of people.

I am as skinny as rake and I can eat whatever I like without putting on weight. Unfortunately my son has not inherited this gene.

ScareyBitchFeast · 29/10/2008 21:06

bhs is a horrible shop imo
asda so so

QuintessentialShadows · 29/10/2008 21:08

Yanbu

noonki · 29/10/2008 21:14

Though your tone is pretty unsympathetic I too get annoyed at parents who feed their overweight children rubbish most the time.

Obesity is rising in this country and the reason for the rise is too much food too little exercise.

And before anyone starts I am not saying that all overweight children are fat because of this.

ScareyBitchFeast · 29/10/2008 21:15

but don't fat children slim down, isnt it puppy fat?
why the big hoo har about it nowadays?

Salleroo · 29/10/2008 21:16

Ah yes wondered when SS would be brought up.

Ghostly yanbu.

The rest of you, it was not a dig at your children fat or thin. She did mention that after her rant about having to buy expensive clothes to fit her 'fatties' she was off to buy them chocolate. And yes it is food intake and exercise that controls the size of people unless you have the all encompassing 'thyroid' problem.

It's not nice to slag off children? She didnt.

GivePeasAChance · 29/10/2008 21:18

Clearly you don't think YABU, so therefore you should simply tell your friend your feelings about her fat kid, feeder tendencies and general stupidity. I am absolutely sure it is the right thing to do in the circumstances.

baffledandupset · 29/10/2008 21:36

YANBU

2 of dh's sister's 4 children are overweight. 1 is obese. His legs get sore from rubbing together at the top. Her 13 year old dd wears an adult size 16. Their mum lets them eat whatever they want, whenever they want... huge portion sizes. She insists it's their metabolism and is nothing to do with what they eat.

I am amazed how stupid some people are about their children's weight. Apparently most parents of overweight children don't recognise that their child is overweight - even when the child is actually obese. They think it's normal for children to have wobbling guts that hang over the top of their trousers/skirts. My nephew (the obese one whose legs bleed from rubbing together) was really upset recently when he stepped on to his Wii Fit and it told him he was seriously overweight. He'd always been told by his parents that he wasn't fat and he couldn't understand

Ronaldinhio · 29/10/2008 21:43

what does she do with her other two children?
does she use them as control subjects in her evil experiment?

Reallytired · 29/10/2008 22:20

I think that genetics do play a role. Some people like me never put on wieght. Yet my husband who eats similar sized food portions and has a similar diet does.

Anyway it is a real problem finding nice clothes for over wieght children. It is no good to say to a parent that their child just needs to lose wieght. It takes months to get weight down and the child does need something to wear in the mean time. Also being well dressed helps improve a child's confidence and self esteem. All children need to feel proud of their bodies and self image. Berating fat people does not help in any way.

TheHedgeWitch · 29/10/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Heated · 29/10/2008 23:00

It's a form of passive aggression because how are you meant to respond?

"If you fed your kids less junk-food, they too could wear cheap crap"

pingping · 30/10/2008 11:44

PMSL! at heated or if you fed your kids less crap then they too could wear cheap crap lol

Yanbu. But I didn't think someone that hated tracksuits so much would shop in the likes of tesco's or Asda

Maybe the other mother has not seen the ocean

Reallytired · 30/10/2008 12:37

Except that cheap clothes fit my son quite well and he is fairly portly to put it mildly. Often cheap clothes are aimed at the lower social classes who have a higher incidence of being overweight.

As I said before TESCO children's trousers can hide all kinds of sins. Unless the child is a sumo wrestler I'm surprised there is a problem with cheap clothes.

MarmadukeScarletbloodstains · 30/10/2008 12:41

meh

lljkk · 30/10/2008 13:04

RT, maybe your son is only an average sort of fat compared to the OP's friends' DC?

I knew someone who was spending a small fortune buying trousers many years above her actual DC age, then spending £4-£6/pr getting them altered to fit her (4) fat portly children. The mother was in such denial, she insisted that it was just because their dad was a big guy that the DC were so big, even though the children spent most of their out-of-school time watching telly, and the mother fed them adult size portions at mealtimes. She almost never took them swimming or the park or anywhere they might get (gasp) muddy. Within the house they were expected to just sit quietly (gated into one small room most of the day).

All the children in that family noticeably lost weight when they started school -- not because they suddenly outgrew puppy fat, but because they didn't sit around all day any more, bored into over-eating.

Reallytired · 30/10/2008 13:29

lljkk,

My son is not clinically obsese although in an ideal world he would be quite a bit lighter. I don't know how much he weighs at the moment as I don't want to depress him. It is not constructive to weigh and measure a child more than about once every three months. Its more constructive to focus on ways of making a child active and being careful about portion control. I don't think there is enough education about what is sensible portion for a child.

Crash diets do not work for anyone and the only thing that does is a radical change in lifestyle. Even then its hard when you get vile swimming teachers.

I think that part of the problem with obsesity epidemic is children being in paid childcare. For example a child will wake up at 7am and be hungry. They will be given breakfast at nursery at 9.15am, lunch at 12pm and dinner stupidly early at 4pm. The problem is that then they will want more food when they get home at 5.30pm before going to bed at 8pm.

For our family it really hit that we had a crisis when my son needed 7 to 8 year old clothes at nursery age. He is still wearing the same clothes at 6 years old. He has not lost weight, but he has grown so that the wieght he is not so outragous for his height.

Also children do not get the levels of exercise they used to. We need to be less paranoid about paedophiles and worry more about heart disease.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/10/2008 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jonut · 30/10/2008 21:47

Reallytired, my 2yr old DD is in a day nursery one day a week, her meal times are similar to this and although when she gets home at 6.15 I ask her if she is hungry, she never is. She will eat a small yogurt or two, have a cup of milk then happily collapses into bed. With regards to the clothing sizes, my two DD's are both VERY slim and I find it a nightmare shopping in any stores for them - from Asda to M&S and Next. I think it actually depends on the actual piece of clothing.

soopermum1 · 31/10/2008 10:02

RT brings up a realy good point. My DS was in nursery full time and now goes to school and after school club. He's not overweight but loves his food and risks being overweight and would be appauled if he went to bed without something to eat after after school club. both places i think have been so used to kids not eating well that they tend to give into DS's pleas for extra portions all the time. i had to address it with the nursery.

i find it really difficult to know what to give him for his meal at home. sometimes the after school club does something like sandwiches, so i'd make him a 'proper' tea, and other times they give him pasta, so i think more of a snacky thing, like soup, would be more appropriate when he gets home. it's a bit of a minefield and i really don't want to get into the habit of him having 2 full meals after school, so at the moment i'm just asking him every day what he's had and cook accordingly. it's tricky though as it ends up being very rushed and i can't prepare anything in advance. am going to ask club if they have a rotating menu so i can mealplan a bit more, but they're very new, so i think they're kinda making it up as they go along at the moment.

sorry, completely off topic from OP

Milkmade · 31/10/2008 10:13

RT: that's not my experiance with creche at all: they have all the health guidelines, and only feed them healthy stuff, when at home I don't think many people can say they never give treats which are a little unhealthy. The important thing is you and the childcare communicate with each other e.g. we usualy give dd breakfast before creche or she would be a nightmare, so they just give her yoghurt for breakfast, but if we have a day where she won't eat for us in the morning we let them know and she has a full breakfast there. etc It's not that difficult... But I'm glad to hear obesity is something else that's due to working mums apparently!

Reallytired · 31/10/2008 11:10

You can feed a child 100% healthy food and still end up with an over weight child. Its portion control, ie. if your child has 2500 calories a day, but only needs 2000 calories then they will get fat. Its simple maths, its not rocket science.

I also think that with rushed lives people tend to use the car rather than walk.

soopermum1 · 31/10/2008 15:59

milkmaid, i'm a working mum, so would never say anything that implies child obesity is a symptom of working mums. as RT says, it's about portion control. my DS has always eaten very healthily at nursery/after school club and i've been happy with this, but the early dinner thing kinda stuffs up the 3 meals per day routine. at weekends, DS gets 3 meals and diner is at about 5pm, so there's no need for any significant snacks, other than fruit etc. as you say, i communicate with the childcare and where necessary, as i described, work round it.

i'm not really adding or commenting on the debate about obesity, RT just brought up an issue I struggle with.

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