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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect a keyworker to be just that.........

23 replies

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 20:29

Can anyone with Nursery experience help me??!!

My 11 month old has attended nursery once a week for about 8 weeks. He isn't happy. He cries when I leave, I pick him up to find him crying etc. They say he has upset 'moments' once I'm gone.

His keyworker and nursery nurse work as a team with around 6 other workers and around 20 children aged 0-3. His keyworker and nusery nurse have 3/4 children between them however they don't always change, feed and play with him.

They say their policy is very open plan, and if babies crawls to an area they will be with different adults.

I always hand over to one of the same two people however from my babies perspective I don't feel he has anyone special just for him - if that normal??

He is so happy and confident at home, at toddler groups etc, but is very different at nursery and I get the feeling I should move him. I think its too big and sometimes he looks to make sure everything is ok, only to find nobody for him

What do you think?

OP posts:

alicet · 29/10/2008 20:32

My 2 ds's have gone to nursery so that is my experience - sure there are people better qualified on here to comment.

8 weeks is a decent shot at getting him settled though. I think YABU to presume that he will only interact with his keyworker they will also be looking after at least 2 other los. But the fact he isn't settling I would find concerning and as he is happy and confident at home I would probably be looking for an alternative.

Good luck

Original poster

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 21:25

Thanks Alicet, I do think though, that so many different workers is too much for a young baby.

OP posts:

noonki · 29/10/2008 21:28

He sounds like he would do much better with a childminder. My DS's love their minders, they are wonderful, caring and I spend all day knowing one person who knows all about my little boy(s) is looking after them .

Dragonbutter · 29/10/2008 21:31

i'd definitely recommend looking for a childminder. the relationship with a childminder is very different imo.

babbi · 29/10/2008 21:31

Once a week is not enough . He has six full days to forget the carers , to him it is like new people each week . No wonder he is so upset.
I would suggest removing him. CM would be better for a child so young.

potatofactory · 29/10/2008 21:32

My daughter has onw key worker, and although she likes the other girls, she loves her key worker - a real relationship has been built up (after three months) and the key worker always knows how she has eaten / slept and seems genuinely fond of my dd.

I feel sorry for you and your little one - it's so important to feel confident about nursery. My dd hasn't cried when dropped off since the first two weeks...

Original poster

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 21:32

I started the search today actually noonki! I found a lovely lady, trouble was her house was damp, she was so lovely, but just not the right environment.

I'm worried if I take him out of nursery he may be even more confussed???

OP posts:

dinny · 29/10/2008 21:33

trust your instincts

potatofactory · 29/10/2008 21:34

yes once a week is not enough for him to settle, too. My dd does three days (and she is 18 months - she can play properly / join in with activities, etc.)

CarofromWton · 29/10/2008 21:36

I agree with babbi. My DD1 never settled at nursery (she only went 1 day a week - my parents looked after her the other 2 days I worked). I didn't have any problems with the nursery itself. When DD1 started school nursery (5 mornings per week) she loved it!

I think the problem is because he only goes 1 day a week.

darkpunk · 29/10/2008 21:38

i would go with a c/m.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/10/2008 21:38

Hi, my ds is 11 mths and has been going to nursery 1 1/2-2 days a week since he was 9mths. I was a bit anxious at first, as he cried when left, and noone seemed to make a fuss of him . My elder girls were at a different nursery, and their keyworkers were lovely- really seemed (or at least pretended!!) to be really pleased to see them in the mornings, so although ds is a bit more independent than they were, it made me feel a bit uneasy.

happily, he has just moved up to the next room and suddenly seems far happier! For whatever reason, he seems a lot more settled and stimulated, and the girls who work in there seem a bit more enthusiastic- huge sigh of relief!! Bear in mind that many nurseries do move them up to the next room when they are about 11mths-1yr, and you might just find that suits him better- you can but hope! Might be worth speaking to the nursery and seeing if there are any plans afoot to move him up a room in the near future before looking into changing nurseries

Original poster

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 21:38

Thanks potatofactory. I don't want to put him anyone than 1 day as he goes to my mums 2 days and loves it. I know what you mean though.

I think when he is walking he may be happier as he is not seeing lots of feet and can get to things easier.........but I don't like arriving to find him upset and not really engaged in something.......he always looks lost in the crowd

I am looking at more CM this week, its just trusting 1 person who at the end of the day, I don't know.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 29/10/2008 21:40

Hi goldilocks, my ds started fulltime nursery at 11 months after an 8 week settling in period.

Your ds will interact with his keyworker as well as all other workers in the nursery. Many times his keyworker will be busy doing other things, like changing nappies, comforting another child or even out of the room. Therefore, it is normal and important that other workers attend to your ds as well.

I don't think crying at drop-off is a bad thing. My ds 2 still does this every now and then. The important thing is your ds settles quickly (within 10 mins) after you have left. If he is fairly new or having an off day, he might have periods of upsetI would expect that he might have periods of upset when he misses you, but I would expect that to be quick few after the settling in period.

I am more concerned that you say he is crying at pick up. Do you peep into the room before he sees you? Is he crying then? If he cries only when he sees you, that is perfectly normal (just his way of saying how much you mean to him) but does not mean he did not have a great day at nursery.

Also, is he one of the last ones to be picked up at the end of the day? Children can get spooked when they see other parents coming to pick up their friends and they get left behind. Combined with tiredness, that could be a teary ds at pick up. For early days, it is better to pick up a little earlier than others.

Both my dcs are very clingy to me. I continued to bf them long after they started nursery and we co-sleep. But both of them did like nursery. I know the emphasis on one-on-one care from a primary caregiver. But in their cases, from about 1 year old, they did not seem to expect that from nursery and thrived on the stimulation and buzz instead and seemed to love the many arms to cuddle them. Of course, once they saw me, they became cling monsters again .

Sorry you don't feel your ds is settling. Have you asked the keyworker what she thinks? 8 weeks is still relatively early days.

Original poster

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 21:41

Thanks Joolyjoolyjoo, the trouble is the nursery is open plan 0-3. Only then do they move up to the 3-5 open plan room. Another worry??

OP posts:

blueshoes · 29/10/2008 21:42

After my long post, I just read your ds goes only once a week. I agree it is quite difficult to settle into a routine if it is only once a week.

Original poster

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 21:49

Thanks blueshoes. I always pick him up 1st and your right he isn't crying then, its only when he see's me.....well except the odd day when he is teething. AHHHHHHHHH! I just don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:

noonki · 29/10/2008 21:53

Hi goldilocks - ask all the childminders you speak to for parents of theirs to speak to. If they say no don't bother.

go with your instinct, build up the time with the childminder,, the week before DS2 started with his childminder we met up at a toddler groups twice, then at her house twice, then I left him for an hour, then half a day and then all day. He now (8 weeks later) wiggles with excitement when we get to her house. He does cry when I leave but I always peep in the window and by the time they have sat down he has stopped crying.

She is wonderful with him, so affectionate and at the end of the day she tells me all the sweet things he has done.

Oh I just stopped to tell DH how much I love his childminder and I got all teary!

Original poster

goldilocksandmylittlebear · 29/10/2008 21:56

Ah!!!! Thats how I want to feel

He has never brought anything home, no pianting etc. The CM I visited today had scrap books full of happy children etc painting, the house was terrible but she was sooooooo lovely.

I just want him to be cared and loved!

OP posts:

Dragonbutter · 29/10/2008 22:13

look round lots of childminders.
you need to compare a few and find the right one to suit you and your DS

blueshoes · 29/10/2008 22:15

Hi goldilocks, i would not worry about paintings at your ds' age. I sat in the babyroom and saw how the workers do paintings with the children. I think that they are more for bringing home to parents than for the benefit of the child.

I do agree that the whole feel of the room is important. You must feel that the carers like the children and are concerned for their wellbeing.

0-3 open plan could be bewildering for a baby. My nursery has a babyroom 0-1.5 and then a bigger room for 1.5 to 3 year olds. Children start to get into an aggressive phase around 2-3 years' old and I would be concerned for them to be around babies.

As it is only one day a week, there is no urgency to do anything yet. But it makes sense to investigate a cm. For once a week, a more homely setting with the same few faces might be easier for your ds to take on board.

noonki · 29/10/2008 22:17

Goldilocks - sorry I didn't mean to make you sad I meant to make you feel hopeful

triggerfish · 30/10/2008 09:30

I am a childminder and make a point of spending the few weeks before they start getting to know the little ones. They come to my house with their mum/dad and just join in with the activities I'm doing. By the time they start, they are already comfortable with the environment. There is no reason why a nursery couldn't do this too (I did this with my ds when he started and it really helped). I have to say that some children just suit a quieter environment than others. Its also hard to say if its the nursery or that he doesn't go often - they really need at least 2 sessions, wherever they go (IMO!).

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