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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Flipping Halloween - long, sorry

44 replies

janeite · 28/10/2008 17:19

First ever post in this topic, so please be kind!

Okay - I like Halloween parties; I like dressing up and playing mummy wrap and eating slime etc. However - I totally, utterly from the very bottom of my heart disapprove of Trick Or Treating.

DD1 has been invited to a Halloween party. Yesterday she quietly admitted, when asked (had not told us) that the plan is to go Trick or Treating. Apparently party-child's mother "lets her do what she likes" in dd's words and therefore is allowing this to happen. I told dd that she could go to the party before or after trick or treating but she could not go Trick or treating. DD now thinks I am a horrible, mean parent and that she would rather not go at all.

They are also going to be watching a "scary film" but she says she doesn't know what. Again, alarm bells are ringing.

Dp agrees with me and we are not happy about the way the girls seem to be being allowed to do just anything. Would I be being unreasonable to phone party girl's mother and ask for further clarification of what the party consists of?

Thanks

OP posts:

kingprawntikka · 28/10/2008 18:21

Don't you just love 'everybody else'!! My daughter will be thirteen in a few weeks, We have also had much discussion as to the the dressing up protocol! Two of them are doing halloween and three of them fancy dress that isn't Halloween. She is going as a ghost because that is the costume we have already from last year.

Original poster

janeite · 28/10/2008 18:23

Nice, easy costume then! I wanted dd to be the Corpse Bride or a vampire attack victim but can't convince her as apparently "fake blood and skin and face paint itches" - strange that Boots No17 doesn't itch, isn't it?!

OP posts:

kingprawntikka · 28/10/2008 18:33

Oh theres no reason to anything teenage girls say is there!! The only definite rule seems to be that your idea will always be wrong, unless her friends love it in which case it will have been her idea all along.

lljkk · 28/10/2008 19:06

I'm from the States and it's distinctly uncool to be out T-or-Ting once you're nearly adult size (about 12-13+). I can't even understand why British teens do it, surely they have plenty of their own pocket money to blow on sweets?? I have scolded teens here for trying it on "You're too big and your costume is non-existent!", etc.

I do take my own little DC T-or-Ting here in UK (won't go into details, but am quite confident that we are upsetting nobody).

Of course OP should phone the birthday child's mum, about the movie if naught else. Surely there's a loose schedule about when the others are going out T-n-Ting you can work around it if you so heartily disapprove.

Original poster

janeite · 28/10/2008 21:48

Thanks everybody; will phone the party girl's mum tomorrow to try and get some more info.

OP posts:

Original poster

janeite · 29/10/2008 11:18

Okay. The film is called "Hide And Seek" and is a 15. Dp has seen it and says it's scary but not blood and guts scary. Any opinions?

Currently we are veering towards letting her go and watch the film but then coming home, rather than going T or T ing.

OP posts:

kingprawntikka · 29/10/2008 12:45

I think if your partener has seen it and is happy with the content then thats ok. We are quite strict about films but my daughter has seen a couple of 15's , at home with us and always something we have previously seen.

lilysmummy2007 · 29/10/2008 12:56

show him this lol, this was terrible but its kinda the same thing, forcing you to do something you dont want to

lilysmummy2007 · 29/10/2008 12:57

sugar!!! wrong thread DELETE DELETE

Original poster

janeite · 29/10/2008 14:56

Thanks KingPrawn. Still in a quandry, as apparently the Halloween tea is after Trick or Treating, so if she goes at all, it will be literally just to watch the film.

OP posts:

pingping · 29/10/2008 16:36

Hide and seek isnt too scary TBH I hate horror films and cant watch them but I watched that one it was ok.

As for T or T I have no views as a child I was not allowed to go but used to go with my friends on the way home from school! Least you DD is being honest with whats going on.

I am sure your DD and friends would not be bothering people as if you don't want trick or treaters you don't answer the door its simple some people love the TorT kids coming round.

As for the eggs We used to get egged all the time until one year we got fed up with it and started dashing eggs straight back out of the bedroom window I lived with an old lady she used to be scared to death of these kids.

kingprawntikka · 29/10/2008 16:56

Hi Janeite,I don't really know what to suggest to you. Are they watching the film after the trick or treating or before. Could she do the tea and film bit but miss the trick or treating ? If you are opposed to trick or treating then thats your call, you don't have to say yes just cos she wants to do it, but i can understand its a difficult situation. Is she really good friends with the other girls. My daughter has a very good freind who on religious grounds is not allowed to do certain things. It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to how we feel about her and we try and respect her parents choices.

more · 29/10/2008 16:57

Either you let her go to the full party inclusive of everything that has been planned by the party planner, or you don't let her go at all. This whole you can participate in this part of the party but not that is just going to leave everybody opened mouthed and thinking WHAT.....

Maybe you should host the party next year so that you can call the shots as to what they can and can't do.

Original poster

janeite · 29/10/2008 17:31

We usually do a Halloween tea and silly games etc for the girls and their friends and I am so cross that I didn't get my act together this year; it would have been much easier!

She is going to go and see the film but not go Trick Or Treating; she seems quite happy with the compromise and party girl has accepted this without comment.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

kingprawntikka · 29/10/2008 17:33

Glad you have found a compromise everyone is happy with.

MrsMattie · 29/10/2008 17:35

Trick or treating in my area is really nice. We just do it along our road. Almost everyone has sweets or biscuits for the kids, we have a little laugh/chat with our neighbours and it's just a really nice, festive little thing to do. Why are people such miserable sods about it?

Original poster

janeite · 29/10/2008 17:40

If it's done as a neighbourly thing, that's very different to the girls just going round on knocking on doors of people they don't know and who haven't "opted in" to be involved. I'm sorry you think I'm a miserable sod but hey ho.

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MrsMattie · 29/10/2008 17:47

I thought you said it was irritating and anti social, sorry.

Original poster

janeite · 29/10/2008 17:50

I did - and it is if done in the way I describe which, I fear, is the way they would be doing it. Arranged by neighbours as a community thing, I think it would be lovely.

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