To feel nervous about 3 year old being a bridesmaid.

[dancerandprancer]

My brother in law is getting married next year and has asked us if our 3 year old daughter will be bridesmaid. We have said yes as I did not see how we could say no really. However I am regretting this now. They live 6 hours drive away and we would be expected to take her up for dress fittings etc as well as travelling to the wedding. I feel that 3 is a bit young for all that. What should I do, any thoughts?

Can't they just send you the dress and you get it altered if nec?

My dd was a brdiesmaid (at MY wedding in August) and she loved it - as long as their expectations are not too high I cannot see any problem - she will love it!!

I had a 3year old as a bridesmaid. Just bought a pretty silk dress from John Lewis or Monsoon, can't remember which and I think her Mum took it up a tiny bit. I don't see why you would really need fittings etc. It's not like it's going to be a strapless, boned number (I would hope ). In fact I think I bough 2 sizes and sent them to the Mum (who lived abroad) and she just sent the one that didn't fit back).
I think the little girl found it a bit overwhelming on the day and probably doesn't remember it but she looked v cute and likes looking at herself in the pictures 5 years later.

My DD was a flower girl at three and she loved it, her dress was from monsoon so no fitting and she loved the fuss and pics on the day.

I am hoping she will love it but am concerned that they will expect perfect behaviour etc, which i cannot promise. They are not keen on sending a dress as are having them made from scratch. It will cost us a fair bit of money to travel up, plus stag do (my DH is best man) and wedding and will probably mean not having a holiday ourselves next year. Feel bad for feeling like this but a bit irritated as in a no win situation.

I think three is probably fine for a bit of fuss and bother, and think how nice it will be in years to come for her to see pics of her so involved with her uncle and aunt's wedding. I wouldn't have thought you would need a fitting - bride chooses dress, or asks you to choose one, buys dress and sends it to you. You can get it altered if it needs it. If she is having all dresses made from scratch then you can just send dd's measurements and the dressmaker should be able to cope.

Dd was a bridesmaid at 2.8 for bil, she loved it and she looked lovely in the dress .. i cried !

Difficult re fittings. Is it not possible to take her measurements and send them?

Sorry, crossed posts.

Just be honest and ask if you can send measurements and at least skip one of the trips for fittings to save a bit. Sympathy about the stag though, they have got ridiculous in recent years. Maybe your dh can help make it one that is more affordable?

I will suggest taking her measurement and sending them up. Hopefully that will be fine.

My son was a page boy this summer (3 1/2) It was fine even though service was over an hour long and my ds has NEVER been expected to sit still for anything.

I'm sure the dressmaker could do the dress just from your DD's measurements. Surely all they need really is her height and chest and tummy.
As for perfect behaviour- if they expect that then it's their lookout! I'm not a huge fan of lots of children at weddings as they can misbehave but when the bridesmaids do it's cute! breaks the ice a bit if everyone's a bit nervous and formal.

My 2 were bridesmaids when they were 4 & 2, then 5 & 3. They were fine!

The weddings weren't local either so a lot of travelling to get the dresses. One of the weddings the bride came nearer to us to choose their dresses for them.

Don't worry about the behaviour - i took some surprise toys for them to play with in a corner and my little one fell asleep because of all the rushing around so isn't on any of the photos!

I found the most annoying part was when I went to a wedding with my baby where dh was best man and it is the only half hour she cried during the whole day so i missed his speech. I'd definitely try and get someone to take her away for the speeches - I've done that a couple of times for others at weddings

Weddings and all things to do with them seem crazy in terms of money. People seem to be going a bit mad. We calculated that for accomodation and travel to the venue, plus stag do for DH, travel for dress fittings and DH outfit for the day we will probably spend at least a grand for the 4 of us.

You'd have to pay that anyway though, if it's your BIL's wedding?

My girls (5 and 4) have been flowergirls three times. The first time dd2 was 18mths, second time she was three and then again when she was four.
Both girls have been fine each time(and they can be terrors when they want to be). They loved the attention; everyone will make a huge fuss of your dd.

Try to manage expectations with your bil's family. Particulary around long photo sessions.
I find (white - less mess!) chocolate buttons a very useful bribe at weddings!
Re the dress. I must admit we got all dresses from BHS or Monsoon so I bought and had them altered myself everytime. Can you send measurements and ask the dressmaker to make the dress up earlier so you can pick it up at a another routine family get together such as christmas or Easter and then you have altered near your home?

If they're getting the dresses made then just send her measurements and go up for one fitting, thats all my bmaids had. They'll be pretty quick and close to the wedding because she'll grow so much so theres no point measuring her now.
I'm assuming if dh is best man then you're all close so you can talk to them about what is reasonable to expect in terms of behaviour and also if he is the best man then the stags up to him so he can be budget consious.

My DD1 was bridesmaid for her aunt when she was two and a bit. She stopped dead at the church door and refused to go inside. I spent the entire service wandering around the churchyard with her. However, she did look sweet in the pictures and that's the main thing!

My DD was a bridesmaid for BIL when she was 4. When they asked I said she could but I wasn't sure if she would do it, she's quite particular and HATES to be the centre of attention. They were fine with it. On the day she refused to take part in any of the photos , she did walk down the aisle but then threw a HUGE tantrum as she couldn't come up to the altar with me and DH (we were witnesses, catholic wedding). My mum carried her outside kicking and screaming .
BIL and SIL were fine about it though, they had been warned.

michymama that is my worry. The problem is I will be sitting on my own with our baby boy whilst DH doing best man things. If DD throws a wobbly I will be a bit stuck, or if I need to sort out DS I will not be able to manage both. I know I am thinking about all the negative things , but could do without the stress.

Dancer i know how you feel regarding stag do's and the like.. sils hen night was £80 for the ticket and we were expected to put in for the car and then of course the alcohol and the new outfit etc etc.. in the end i couldnt justify the money and mil paid for my ticket or i wouldnt have been able to go.

When we get married there is no way i'd expect people to fork out that kind of money its a bit much i think !

dancer&prancer, in the same circumstances, where I was the bride, one of DH's aunts offered to remove the mini-bridesmaid if she started kicking off. In the end she did not have to remove her but did have to restrain her