To think this is NOT an engagement "party"

[geordieminx]

A friend of dp's rang him last week to say that he and his gf are getting engaged and that they would be having a party on xx and they would love us to come (I know them both, although through dp, have met her a few times nice enough). Now they know that we have no family near by so would have to arrange for either my mum or dp's sis to travel 150 miles to come and look after ds, which we have done in anticipation of the "party"

Anyway... gets the invitation this morning

"You are cordially invited to atend a 'pay your own way night' otherwise known as xx's and xx's engagement party...to be held at the local casino...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

If they had rang a few weeks ago and said they were thinking of going out, to town or the casino or wherever and they would like us to come then that would have been fine, but dressing it up as an engagement party is taking the piss somewhat?

AIBU?

YANBU

Sounds more like a night out to celebrate, and totally not what you were expecting!

I should have expected it really, were invited out for his birthday a few years back - mongolian type buffet £40 a head - I was 4 months pregnant at the time and severly sick - had to pay for ourselves, I got charged even though I only ate the bread..

That is a bit cheeky. Perhaps they got a bit carried away with inviting people and they cannot afford a party.

better than some dire function room above a boozer

not sure why people have engagement parties anyway tbh, just get on and get wed, if you're going to

YANBU Geordie - they sound a bit cheeky.

Make sure they don't make any further cheeky requests like "any wins on the night we keep as engagement gifts"

If you cant afford a party then dont have one surely?

I agree though, I cant understand them either.

Another "friend" got engaged a few years back.."please dont buy us presents, if you would like to donate to our wedding fund then that would be great"

Then it transpires they were getting married abroad.. "here are the details of the hotel if you would like to join us"

Then they get back from their wedding and have a party to celebrate "please dont buy us gifts but if you would like to give money it would be most appreciated as we are decorating our house"

We didnt go to the wedding, just the 2 parties and stupidly contributed to their piss up fund, didnt get a thank you either time

dont go. enjoy the time with your rellies.

agree with stitch... and then get yourself ready for the escalation of this behaviour for their Bridezilla fest whenever they get married!

They obviously have form in not hosting parties using their own funds.

You could cancel, sick children are the perfect excuse, unless you fancy a night of gambling and are due a night out without children anyway.

With their form it looks like there'll be no chance of a free bar at the wedding.

Even better - I'd take the babysitting since it's on offer and go for a fab, lovey dovey night out with Mr Minx

I hate to go against the flow, but does it matter? They're doing an event of some sort to celebrate their engagement. Yes, it's at a casino but were you really expecting an evening with food and booze laid on for everyone? I am always pleasantly surprised if I turn up at an event like this and there's a few free glasses of bubbly to get us all in the mood.

If you want to celebrate with them and you don't mind travelling the distance, go. If they're not important enough to you then don't. But I would have thought the event itself should be up to them not you.

Obviously, if it's a "pay your own way and by the way, that means at least £100 per person" then that's different but this sounds like the kind of thing you could go as big or small as you like.

They are celebrating their engagement in the way they feel they would like to - and that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

You don't like the idea - which is also perfectly reasonable.

If you don't fancy it, don't go. Yes, it would have been nice if they'd let you know beforehand what the party was going to be, but maybe they hadn't decided then.

I think it's a little odd that you say you would have been fine with it if they had told you a few weeks ago that they wanted to do this, but you're annoyed that they are telling you now. It's either something you're fine with or you're not - you can't really have it both ways.

If you want to join them and celebrate in the way they want their engagement celebrated, then go - but do it with good grace. If you don't want to go then don't go. Easy really.

YANBU GM it doesn't sound like an engagement party to me. Although they don't sound as bad as your newlywed friends. A thank you is the least you can expect.
IME these "pay your own way things" usually end up being more expensive and unsatisfying than you'd hoped.

In saying I would have been happier if they had told me a few weeks ago I mean that I am more annoyed that they are trying to dress this up as an "engagement party" with invitations and such like rather than just saying we are going out in a few weeks, would you like to come. TBH it probably will be better than a hired hall and sausage roll buffet, and at least we can do our own thing without having to make small talk with people that we dont know, its just the whole enagagement/wedding thing that seems to turn people into monsters with no social ettiquette or manners whatsoever..

I just hope they dont expect a dogs bollocks present

It may not be the party that you were expecting but it's still an engagement celebration, though, because it's how they want to mark the occasion. It also sounds as if it could be a really fun night, and as it's pay-as-you-go, you can control the amount it costs to a certain extent.

Does anyone really expect dogs-bollocks presents for their engagement? I'm sure they won't. You can save that for the wedding!

I'm glad you all mostly thought I wasnt being unreasonable to be a wee bit

I just needed to rant, as its dp's friend more than mine I dont think he would have taken it too well.

We probably will go, and will hopefully have a good night, tbh we dont get out much and if the truth be told I would rather have a child free night at the casino then the local working mans club

YANBU. I'd be mildly pissed off too. Obviously it's up to them how they celebrate their engagement, but to dress it up as a party (you are cordially invited...) leads to false expectations.

So what exactly counts as a "party"? Why can't a night out with friends, organised by the engaged people be a party?

My engagement 'party' was a night out in the pub. I invited people from all over, some people stayed at ours. Didn't even cross my mind that anyone would expect me to pay for them - it's not the wedding! Same for the stag/hen thing. Didn't organise some horrendously expensive weekend away thing though.

Didn't expect (or receive) any presents for the engagement though - cheeky to even mention it!

Don't go.

no pressies for them then!

'pay your own way night'

That's hilarious

I have never heard of that before. Ever. Just goes to show how out-of-touch I am.

Seriously though, that's really cheeky.
I would make some excuses not to go. Enjoy your family's company instead.

YANBU. Unfortunately I don't think things will change too much in the future, so you may well be having to 'pay your own way' at their wedding.

We were friends with a couple who constantly took the piss in this regard. Went to his 40th, after a couple of hours there she tapped us up for £20 a head for the buffet. And it was shite. Another time we went for dinner with them. 3 of us were drinking £15 bottles of white wine. He went & ordered himself (the only person drinking red) a fecking 45 quid bottle of Amarone. And then split the bill in two. Eventually came a time too many and we quietly ditched them as friends. It just pissed us off too much (we always felt we were just funding their serious coke habit).

Go, enjoy yourselves, at least you know what to expect up front.

Atleast they are being uprfront about it.