To send DS to school with no breakfast?

[GhostlySinCity]

DS (7) would not get up for school this morning. I started shouting of him at 7.30am and he would not get up. The other kids got ready, I got ready, DS was still in bed. I went in to drag the covers off and he started screaming at me and whinging and telling me to "get out" and "shut your mouth". By the time he dragged himself downstairs it was 8.25am. I told him to get dressed and he slammed his bedroom door, 10 minutes later came out with dirty school trousers on, a dirty sweater, looked a proper state. It was 8.40am and we had to leave or be late.

There was nothing he could grab and eat in the car so he's gone to school with no breakfast and in dirty clothes.

AIBU? I suspect so but how else was I supposed to handle this?

i would be more cross at a 7 year old telling me to "shut my mouth"

i would have chucked a banana at him in the car after getting him to apologise for his behaviour

did he go to bed very late?

can you see the ocean yet?

What are you supposed to do? Carry him downstairs and spoon weetabix in his mouth?

YANBU.

Perhaps he'll remember being hungry all morning next time.

Half term next week? Sounds like he needs it!

Dirty clothes + no breakfast are the natural consequence of his actions so may well teach him a lesson.

VERY rude of him to shout 'shut your mouth', I'd be horrified if ds spoke to me like that (but he's five, I'm no expert on 7yos).

(Am a bit jealous you don't have to leave until 8.40, tbh, we have a panic every morning because I struggle with 8.20!)

I ould say you aren't being unreasonable with regards to the breakfast, that's his own tough lucj and maybe he'll think twice before buggering about in the mornings. The school uniform, it depends, did he have a clean uniform to put on? If so then I would have insisted he wore it as it does reflect badly on him and you. I wouldn't feel too bad though, it's Friday, our uniforms only got washed at wekkends and were filthy by Friday anyway! He'll be having lunch in a few hours so he won't starve! Just remind him of it next time he wants to faff about in bed.

sorry for typos, 14 month old ds hammering on my laptop

We're hopefully seeing the ocean at the weekend.

He winds me up so much. Screaching "fat gob" or "fat arse" at every oportunity, punching if he doesn't get his own way. Sometimes I just feel like saying "fair enough, see you later" and leaving him here whilst I take the other kids to school and go about my daily business.

God help me when he's 14. Anyone got the number of the local borstal?

i am at the way he speaks to you

Lots of recommendations on here for "How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk". Haven't read it myself (afraid I'll find out I've been doing it all wrong!) but might be worth a try?

oh, the "how to talk" book is FAB

I think thats something you need to think about .At 14 he will probably be bigger and stronger than you , so if he doesn't show respect for you now how will he be as a 14 year old. I have teenage children and there's no way they would speak to me like that.

Thanks, I will look into that.

RubyShivers, it's funny, I've become so used to it. It's only when other people act so shocked that I realise if that was someone elses kid speaking to their parents like that, I'd probably be calling them all the names under the sun, and their stupid parents.

I'm at a loss with him. I don't want to give up on him, he's only 7 but he's such bloody hard work.

And it's not like he's never seen the ocean either, my mum took him during the summer holidays.

The natural consequence of his behaviour this morning is that he'll be hungry all morning. IMO, natural consequences are the best way.

He needs to apologise for speaking to you like that too.

what has the ocean got to do with owt?

Did he not have clean trakkie bottoms he could wear?
majeika do a search on OPs name

'I started shouting of him at 7.30am and he would not get up' Can I just ask if you had been trying before this to get him out of bed, as it sounds a bit like, it was time for him to get up so you shouted at him... , I am guessing you typed that incorrectly?

GSC! What do you do when he shouts at you

Cheeky boy. YANBU. Discuss his behaviour with him when he gets home.

Boy going in without breakfast under circumstances described- not a problem.

Boy speaking to his mother as described- problem or just temporary problem depending on how you handle it. 7/8yos often temperamental IME but he does need to be brought down to earth when he gets genuinely disrespectful.

The whole getting up thing- after a lot of trouble in this department, I have now decided to stick to a very strict timetable:

at 7.30 I go into his room and call out First Call. He knows he is meant to wake up but does not have to start moving. (I carry on repeating First Call - but not shouting- until he answers)

at 7.45 I give him Second Call and dump his school uniform on his bed next to him. This is the signal that he needs to get dressed.

at 7.50 I check that he is actually getting dressed and hasn't accidentally gone back to sleep

if he is not downstairs by 8.05 I call him for breakfast (as in 'you've got to come now if you want your breakfast)

and so on...

(have a separate schedule for big sister who gets picked up by disability taxi)

The advantage is that we both know exactly what we have to do at the right times. Mornings now much less stressful. But of course, it means I can't go off into a daydream and forget about Second Call.

Sounds like a little chat with your ds is in order. He needs telling that his attitude is unacceptable and you won't be putting up with it any longer. My suggestion would be a punishment system for the attitude/name-calling etc - withdrawal of privileges/special toys etc; and a reward system for getting up without hassle in the mornings.

As far as I remember, when mine were that age, I used to make sure that uniform, underwear, shoes etc were ready in a pile in their rooms the night before. Theoretically mine now do this themselves - pack their backpacks, make sure they've done and packed any homework, get uniform ready, fix any punctures on bikes etc - the night before - but I'm so sorry to have to tell you that this STILL doesn't always happen - and mine are 11, 13 and 15. We still have to search the house at 8.40 for shoes or coats; we still get woken up by a ds who has suddenly found he has no clean, ironed shirts; I still get urgent phone calls to drive to the school and drop off forgotten homework/PE kit/lunch money and I still end up driving No1 son to school occasionally, because he's been in dreamland ever since getting in from his paper round, and has taken so long to have his breakfast (leisurely, whilst reading the Times), shower, pack his bag and dress, that he's now going to be late for school unless Mum's Taxi helps out!!

Ohh - and to answer the original question directly - no you aren't being at all unreasonable to send him to school without his breakfast and in dirty uniform. He's not going to starve before lunchtime, and it may make him think twice next time he considers staying in bed on a school morning!

Being utterly honest, I used to have a concept (and still do) called the Friday Uniform - which is one that is a bit grubby - grubbier than I'd accept on any other day - but I send them off in it on a Friday, knowing that it's all going in the wash that night, and thinking that it's not worth putting clean jumper/trousers on for just one day. Probably makes me a terrible mother!