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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my brother won't lend me £50.

30 replies

saltire · 24/10/2008 09:12

We are totally skint this month, DH doens't get paid until the 31st, we have approxiamtely £12.34 to buy food until then I called my brother to see if he would lend me £50 until friday and he said no, I should sort myself out. I've never asked him before, and he has lent my brother, who doesn't work, and spends any spare cash on beer, money loads of times. I told him we had had to buy new tyres, pay some money off to a builder (we owe him £800+, but becasue the fucking bank and Prudential have been pissing us about since July we don't have the £11,000 we are supposed to have)pay almost £200 to the school for various things, and get road tax, plus DH has filled the car up 4 times this month because he is a rugby referee and drives around a lot to matches, and has to drive tow rk.
I spent most of Wednesday on teh phone (0870 numbers so costing a bloody fortune) to lloyds and Prudential to try and get it sorted out about our endowment, and ended up in tears on the phone to some woman in a call centre in India who kept telling me she didn't understand what I meant!

OP posts:
AbbaFan · 24/10/2008 09:17

Sorry I agree with your brother. You need to be responsible for yourself.

With regards to ringing the 0870 numbers, use the say no to 0870 website, and get the 01 number.

Upwind · 24/10/2008 09:20

Understandable that you are upset, I would be too, but you can't really assume your DB has the money to give.

Is there anyone else you can ask? Or anything you can sell/pawn? I have just taken my wedding dress down from the loft with a view to selling it for the cash...

potoftea · 24/10/2008 09:22

Well it does sound very harsh of your brother.

If anyone asked me for £50 I'd give it if I had it at all.

£50 isn't a huge amount, and wouldn't give you a lot of treats, but would make a big difference to a family with nothing else for a week. It's not an unreasonable amount to ask for, and if this is an unusual situation for you, well I really don't understand your db's point of view.

I would find it hard to forgive him not being there for me when I really needed him.

chocolateteapot · 24/10/2008 09:25

I think first thing to do is to go through your cupboards and the freezer to work out what food you have. Then you need to go shopping with the money you do have, later in the evening so you can try to get some of the reductions in the supermarkets and try Aldi/Lidl if you can get to them. I've found jacket spud and baked beans, porridge, lentil soup etc are very cheap and filling for emergency weeks.

Original poster
saltire · 24/10/2008 09:26

It is unusual, if the bank and Prudentail ahdn't been mucking us around so much since July, then I wouldn't have had give the builder almost £250 to keep him off our backs.
What has annoyed me is that he has regularly bailed our younger borther out, giving him £20 here, £30 there, which eh then goes out and spends on beer in the pub.
We ar eat our overdraft limit as it is, and my mum can't afford to lend us any( she keeps the younger brother who still lvies at home!), nor MIL

OP posts:
Upwind · 24/10/2008 09:28

Just thinking about this - my BIL is struggling financially, lots of debts, arrears on the mortgage etc. He has never asked us for money and if he did, I guess we would give him whatever we could, but I do believe it would be throwing our good money after bad - it would only briefly delay his inevitable bankruptcy. And since he could never afford to pay us back, and we need that money, there is a danger it would cause serious resentment.

I know nothing of your circumstances, but maybe your DB feels this way too?

Original poster
saltire · 24/10/2008 09:34

But I would be able to pay him back, on Friay when DH gets paid.
DH is also owed a lot of money for petrol from the rugby referees society, 3 months worth.

OP posts:
Original poster
saltire · 24/10/2008 09:42

Forgot to add that my work cocked up my wages 2 months running!

OP posts:
Upwind · 24/10/2008 09:43

The very best of luck in getting hold of the money you need.

Yesterday I went to my corner shop for a few things and then realised I'd forgotten my money . I'd never really chatted with the shopkeeper before, but he would recognise me, and he insisted on my just taking my shopping and paying him back when I had the money. Which I did, yesterday evening.

It was such a nice gesture though, he couldn't have known that I did have the cash to pay him promptly.

mazzystartled · 24/10/2008 09:50

horrible when circumstances conspire against you like that

sod your brother's £50, get dhs expenses sorted, get on to your work and try to get your endowment paid to you.

what do you need to spend this week? what's in the house and what can you make out of it.

[tbh its irrelevant whether db lends £ to other db, let it go]

mazzystartled · 24/10/2008 09:52

can you hld back on some vf the money for school vr is it too late?

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon · 24/10/2008 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purpleduck · 24/10/2008 09:59

If your work has messed you around, then you should ask for an advance on your wages

If the bank has messed you areound, you should ask the bank to slightly increase your overdraft

Maybe your dh could ask the rugby club to cough up..?

Original poster
saltire · 24/10/2008 10:33

The bank that we are trying to sort out the problems with about the endowment is he same bank we have the mortgage with, not the one we ahve our current account with. We have an account with TSB and the only thing that goes in every month is money for the mortgage and the only thing going out every month is the mortgage. Becaue the endowment was linked to the mortgage, TSB say the money has to go into this acocunt, not directly to us. Our current account is with Bank of scotland. We don't have a credit card.
As for the expsenses, DH was at a meeitng on Monday night and apparently a lot of people have complained that they haven't had theirs through yet, but as of today it's still not forthcoming!

OP posts:
loobeylou · 24/10/2008 10:45

OP - not trying at all to offend you here but if you are REALLY worried about feeding your family,and God knows I would be too, then contact your local salvation army who still do food parcels (I know as I have a family member involved - in some places they get given the supermarket going-out-of-date stuff to distribute). Or try the local church if not an SA near you

if you don't like taking charity, you can always make a donation to their christmas appeal in return when things are better for you

do you have a freezer? - shopping late at night for reduced food and immediately freezing anything going out of date which you won't immediately use is another tip

MadameCastafiore · 24/10/2008 10:48

Does your DH earn enough as a ref to make it worth his while doing it with putting all that petrol in the car - if not you need to get him to knock it on the head - you can;t afford for himto do it.

Upwind · 24/10/2008 10:48

Saltire - I'm guessing from your name that you are in Scotland. If you are in the Edinburgh area, I'll happily clear out staples from my store cupboard and drive over with them.

Original poster
saltire · 24/10/2008 10:50

Upwind - thank you very much, but I'm a Scot exiled in deepes Hampshire atm, hopefully not for much longer.

OP posts:
VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 24/10/2008 10:56

Sounds a bit mean (and patronising)of him to tell you to sort yourself out, if he could afford it then i cant see what his probelm is, next time he ask you for help tell him 'no, sort it out yourself'

Dropdeadfred · 24/10/2008 10:59

could your work not give you an advance from petty cash if they owe you money?

tigermoth · 24/10/2008 11:05

I think you need to see if work will give you an advance.

If not and you have a cheque book and cheque
guarantee card, see if you can cash a cheque at one of the cheque cashing place like The MoneyShop - look up on the web to see if they have a website. Not ideal but it would tide you over.

I think your brother is being mean, if he lends out money to other people. But perhaps he too is skint at the moment, but doesn't want to tell you.

soultaken · 24/10/2008 11:10

if your dh keeps filling the car up with petrol to drive around the country being a referee then I think he should be the one to ask his family tbh. 4 X tanks of fuel = £240 you could have spent on food.

Your brother might be fed up with doling out money (not to you, I understand your other brother) and you asking might just be the final straw.

Tortington · 24/10/2008 11:16

if you have incurred any ank charges becuase of works cockups , then work has to pay for it. just thought i would let you know.

am thinking that whatever youhad to pay the school should have waited or if you sat down with them they might have understood, and your dh should have just not done the rugby if you haven't got money for food.

hindisght eh? its easy for us at the other end of a screen.

if you have a paypal acc. i can lend you £20 - long time mn member you are.

creamy custardo at hotmail dot com.

mazzystartled · 24/10/2008 13:59

saltire, i can happily lend you a few quid if you've got paypal.
i know what its like to have cashflow problems
can you do cat?

mazzystartled · 24/10/2008 14:01

bugger my subscriptions expired
email me
brewster dot scott at googlemail dot com
i mean it, don't go without unneccessarily