To be upset my PIL went on holiday near my due date

[parannoyed]

Am i being totally unreasonable here... i can't seem to let go of the fact that i'm hurt that my parents in law went on holiday for two weeks not long before my due date. I moved to live where my partner is from so they know that my family and close friends aren't near (2 hrs drive away) Being my second baby i was terrified i would go into labour early and scared it'd be a quick birth... i was also worried who'd look after my dd who was still only little and never been away from me for more than a couple of hours... also my partner travels around with his job so never knew how far from home he'd be.. My PIL are retired and being 40 mins away are the nearest family i have. I can't believe they went away and left me feeling so stressed out at the end of my pregnancy, this was a time i needed to know i had them to call on to help... They're always saying now 'if there's anything we can do to help just say' but i don't feel like asking them because they weren't here when i needed them more than ever.. Before they went my MIL said i needed her they'd come back from Spain!! what the hell like that would have helped if i'd gone into labour.. It's also made me feel they weren't that bothered if they were here or not for the birth of my baby... They are nice people but i can't help feeling so upset i wish i could move past this..

sorry not suggesting you have a family dispute about it but I think you are entitled to your feelings

YANBU

My PIL did this and like yours go on holiday all the time. I wasn't that bothered as very close to my own parents but DH was very upset indeed.

For us it was part of a deeper problem with them in that they are very selfish people who want all of the benefits of family life without giving any support or help at all.

They then arrived the day after their holiday to stay with us and expected some sort of 5* hotel service.....they got very short shrift from us both and wondered why. Meanwhile my mother had been round every day cooked for us for 2 weeks, did all laundry, took baby out so we could sleep for 40 minutes and my dd sees her about twice a week. They wonder why dd does not recognise them.........

Anyway, sorry, long rant but I don't think famiy should behave like that (I am old fashioned and also Italian.)

When my sister went into labour with my nephew, I phoned my mum to say that the baby was on his way.

My mum, who has had FIVE children said "Ohh, how long will it be?"

I think people sometimes forget how these things are, and how much stress and anxiety you get.

If they are generally nice people, then honestly, let it go.

Although, my dh fell asleep when I was in labour with ds (it was a 35 hour labour, so i could kind of understand - but he was hard to rouse and I felt so helpless, i was so drained at that point and could hardly move)
Anyhoo, I really, really let him have it...a year later!!
So I do know how these things play on your mind.

Oh, I meant

Thats better

agree with you suzie100

If you want a close knit family then you have to make the effort

roseability glad I am not the only one......

You are obviously hurt by this but YABU. You need to build up a support network so that you have more than one person to call on. Perhaps you are just missing your own mum?

Couples need to accept that when it comes down to it, children are their responsibility. I know a woman who sulked for months because her MIL who used to have her DD in the day decided to get a job. Her MIL gave her plenty of notice but this friend was still p'd off and complained that MILdidn't need to work! I told her she was being completely unreasonable.

Your mother/MIL could drop dead in the blink of an eye so nobody can count on that unquestioning support.

Roseability,if my daughter(s) really needed me I'd be there but I'd strongly discourage the idea of living close to me and being reliant on me. It really grated on me when DS was born and the HV asked if my mum or MIL was close with the assumption that neither worked or had anything better to do.