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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fuming at my dad

9 replies

shoptilidrop · 22/10/2008 16:38

I am really angry. I have big problems with my dad/ step family and sister below me. I moved area a month ago and decided to cut contact for my own sanity. ( not a decision i took lightly, but i couldnt go on how it was much longer). In the end out of feeling guily/misguided loyalty i gave my dad my address and phone number. Ive spoken to him, and hes given out my phone number without my persmission to several people i did not want to have it. I now find out, that he has given my address to my mental sister, whos last words to me was that she was going to come round to my house and rip me to shreds.
What do i do....... am i wrong to be so angry and why the hell cant i just be left alone.

OP posts:
daizydoo · 22/10/2008 17:07

YANBU, I'd be pretty mad too.

colacubes · 22/10/2008 17:24

YANBU but your dad sounds like a right twit! He may not understand how bad your sister is, but I would say, dont worry about any mad bad sister turning up, if she does start any aggro, tell her to leave if she wont then ring the police, she will soon get the message. Some folk just like drama, they will shout and scream and kick of like a complete tapper, but if you do nothing she is just a nutter shouting her mouth off, dont be dragged into it.

I'm not underestimating what she is like, believe me I have known and dealt with alot of twits in my time, but generally she sounds like a mouthy cow, so dont worry about her to much, just stand your ground.

wehaveallbeenthere · 22/10/2008 17:36

I'll ask but these aren't questions you need to answer here...just to yourself to decide what you should do.

  1. Is your sister truly "mental"? I mean is she psychologically afflicted to the point of violence? Or by mental do you mean she gets violent over escalated disagreements? There is a significant difference. Stepfamily is in itself a testy situation. Sometimes you cannot speak your mind without having the entire come down on your head. Sometimes you are "expected" to take a side that you don't really see and when you refuse you are made the enemy. You seem to want to have communication with your father but not the rest of the family. I see several recourses to this. You cannot move though so I would just prepare if your sister decides to drop by. Change your phone number and don't give it out again. Write letters (careful with your wording as we are only hearing your side of this). Ask your father over? Without the rest or meet him somewhere public? If he disagrees that is his decision not yours. We can choose where we live, who we marry etc. but you cannot choose your family.
shoptilidrop · 22/10/2008 17:57

Yes, truely mental. She sees a psycologist, and has done for years. She was also recently arrested for fighting with her housemate, and they both spent the night in prison.
I have been exculded from the whole family, manily because of my stepmother and her endless campagine of hate againist me. I have been acused of things i havent done, and lies spread about me. Accoring to my father everyone knows its lies, he knows it, but noone is prepared to do anything about it. I have been ignored in the street, and extended step family have shouted abuse at me. I have been excluded from family events, and have not been allowed into my fathers house, or to even phone him at home for almost 2 years now. I gave in and gave my dad my details as i felt guilty and believed him when he told me for the 100th time this month, that he was trying to get it all sorted out, or will leave his wife.
My sister, is as i said nuts. I do not want to have any more contact from her ever again. Last time i knew she was in town, i had to hide, i felt scared in my own home. I was harrassed by prank calls and horrible texts for days. I cannot live my life like this. I moved, and hoped to put an end to it all, but it seems that my father cannot be trusted and its just going to follow me.

OP posts:
combustiblepumpkin · 22/10/2008 18:10

Change your phone number. Don't give out your new number. Your father has let it go for 2 years, with you not 'allowed' to phone or enter his home, though he knows you've done nothing wrong? He is not going to change. All you can do is move on with your life.

shoptilidrop · 22/10/2008 18:19

how easy is it to change your number though?

Thats what i was trying to do, move on. But now its not going to stop is it.
Yes my father has let it happen for 2 years, and yet, when i say i have had enough, and will just walk away, he gets cross and acusses me of emotional blackmail and that i should allow him to sort it in his own time, and he has to do it slowly as to not cause too many problems with hiw wife. Yet im put through pain. And now ive moved to make a fresh start, trusted him with my phone number and address and now he has passed it on, when i told him not to.
I feel sick.

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 22/10/2008 18:28

contact your phone company.

Most will change it easily if you are doing it because of a threat of violence/abusive calls etc. But make clear that is why you are changing it.

I am sorry this has happened and it must really be the last straw for you.

combustiblepumpkin · 22/10/2008 18:31

It shouldn't be too difficult to change your number. I'm sure you'll find others posting who have experience of dealing with family issues, who'll probably give you great advice. The only thing I can suggest is that instead of telling him you're walking away, you just quietly and calmly start getting on with the rest of your life. You have every right to be angry, and to feel betrayed. It might be worth concentrating on your own little family for a while- children, DP, close friends etc. If he tries claiming emotional blackmail, just say that you are getting on with your stuff and giving him the space and time he asked for to handle things in his own way.

colacubes · 22/10/2008 20:22

Seriously wtf was your father thinking, if you are not of the mind to stay and fight, mentally I mean, which I dont blame you for I couldnt be arsed either, then I would leave. Move counties, towns.

She sounds like every mouthy little cow I have ever had the mispleasure of meeting, and I would guess that she has nothing in her life except bitching. If the whole family are like this then get the f*ck out.

You should leave pack your bags change your life, and never contact your father again, leave them to their drama, bunch of idiots.

I know its a big thing to do but for peace of mind it may be your only chance to leave this behind.

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