to be expected to throw a big party for DD 1st Birthday when my mum only died a few weeks ago?

[Lucky13]

My mum died a few weeks ago and i am devastated. I'm keeping going and everyone sees a strong outward face, but inside i'm in pieces.

My MIL and i used to get on, but once i got pregnant she changed with me and is now more bossy, insensitive and two faced. Its hard to explain, she's just not very nice to me anymore. Other friends and family think that its because she didn't cope well when her two were little and for some reason she's taking it out on me.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I've just been told by my DH that i'm expected throw a big family party for DD first birthday and that lots of his relations are coming (invited by MIL)!

I just can't cope with this let alone even face the thought of it. I was just going to have my dad and the in-laws over for lunch.

All i want is my mum, but instead i'm going have to play happy party host when its the last thing i want!

Help

I hate this imaginery timescale for grief. You are not not being strong by not hosting a sodding first birthday party- you are doing the opposite knowing that it may make you and your family feel terrible as the last big gathering was your Mum's death/ funeral presumably. What's wrong with these people?

And if you have had this conversation with DH then WRITE IT DOWN FOR HIM! He is obviously putting his own/ his mother's feelings before yours.

Sorry- this has really struck a nerve- You're 'depressed' that your Mum died- eh Hello- of course you are.

i hate the 'time line' too.the whole 'shouldnt you be over it by now'

Sorry- really het up- my sympathy for the death of your Mum- just try to give yourself some peace at this horrid time x

Tell the mithering MIL to NAF off, you take time to grieve over your mother, your daughter will be none the wiser if she has a little party or no party, she's one and hasn't a clue.

So sorry about your mother

YANBU. Your child, your choice.

It's only a first birthday, which I think are more for the mother's sake anyway. There will be many, many years when she'll want (and appreciate) the effort it will take to put on a big bash.

Sorry for your loss.

Ask your DH how he would feel if one of his parents had died a few weeks ago.

He is being very insensitive to side with your MIL.

Sorry to hear about your mum. IMO, you should do what you feel is right for your family, not for everyone else. If you don't feel ready to have a large family gathering then don't, it's up to you & not them what you do for your child anyway!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You need to be able to grasp the depth of this in your own good time.
I lost my father several years ago...I still break into tears every now and then because I miss him. I'll always miss him.
I don't know what the story is with your MIL. Perhaps she thinks this is a way to support you...as off as it may be. Perhaps not. You need to communicate to her that you cannot and will not be able to put on a big party at this time.
Your DH needs to talk to her and explain that if it were her instead of your mother he would not be able to celebrate with a big party either.
I don't know if you will even be strong enough to have a lunch with your father and inlaws. How is your father doing? He must be suffering too. Just the lunch seems very brave and forward sighted of you IMO.
I wish I could offer more advice on this. I'm sure all the invited will understand when they hear the reasoning. Maybe the invites were made prior? Communication is key here.
Warm hugs to you and yours. Trust that your mother will always be with you in spirit, in wisdom and in love.

Don't do it. I didn't do a first birthday party for my daughter and that was because I was busy and stressed with work, which is nothing compared to being bereaved. Only the adults really enjoy a first birthday, it's for them, not the baby, who hasn't really a clue what's going on. Just have a quiet day, a quiet little celebration for yourself, but you really shouldn't have to put yourself through organising a big 'do'.