i have bvu, how do i put it right now?

[kerryk]

i have known one of my friends since college, we hit it of right away and have been close ever since. (over ten years now)

she helped me set up my first flat, we were both there for each other when we got married, she was fantastic when i had both dd's etc.

anyway last novemeber she had her first baby girl and i have not seen the baby yet

we only stay 40 mins away from each other and she always came to me when my dd's were little so really i should have been going to her.

all very stupid excuses why i could not go work/school runs/wanting to spend time with dh at weekends (he works away during the week) but really i could have made more of an effort.

last night she emailed me to asked how we were and i felt guilty yet again so looked at the callender seen a weekend when i was def going to be free and emailed back saying "we are fine, really want to see you soon. how about x weekend. i really want to see "chloe" before she gets out the baby stage.

she emailed back saying

"no not free that weekend. no doubt you will see "megan" at some point though?"

aarrrggghhh i got the babys name wrong!

please be gentle with me. i know i have totally neglected the friendship, what on earth am i going to do to try and make it up?

Be honest. Write back with, "Arghhh! my brain these days. I cannot believe I wrote Chloe instead of Megan! What was I thinking- I don't even know a Chloe! See, this is all the more reason why I really must get down to see you soon and make up for my shameful neglect! What weekends would work for you?"

Or something.

Never too late. Friends are too precious. Just go for it. What's to lose?

Apologise profusely and say you got her DD's name mixed up with another friends'. Then try to arrange to see her as soon as possible.

i have emailed back saying sorry etc but she never returned the email.

the "?" at the end of her last reply makes me think she is mighty pissed of.

Definitely be straight with her, say you're tired and mixed the baby's name up, and you can understand if she's upset with you about it.

This kind of happened to us - when ds2 was 6 months old a close family friend (our best man from our wedding in fact) phoned to say they were writing Christmas cards and could we remind him what ds2's name was!

My DH was really really hacked off about it and the friendship has never recovered - but might have if he'd apologised.

So just do it.

no, have not seen her since well before she was pregnant (god that sounds really terrible)

we keep in touch with e.mails, face book and phone calls.

bugger i really do need to start making more of an effort with people.

i had actually bought the baby a gorgeous little outfit when it was born and had every intention of visiting soon after but never made it.

i actually gave the outfit to another friend who had a little girl a few months later or else it would have been to small for the original baby.

Do a mid-week visit - just say you'd like to come over one morning next week, which is good for her? Get in the car and go! With a bunch of flowers.

What elffriend said - good advice.

there is not any underlying reason why i have not been.

we have penciled in a few dates but something (trivial) always came up and i would put it of till later.

the weekends where i could have thought bugger it lets go and visit, i have ut it of thinking it may be to short notice etc.

i dont really see any of my old friends anymore. i moved away when i married dh because of his work and have a new circle of friends now who i go out with at weekends etc.

it was never my intention to lose touch with old friends though, i feel really bad about it.

I have a couple of friends who haven't seen me since I had a baby a year ago, and tbh getting the name wrong would upset me but not as much as making no effort to come and see me! Do you make effort to see anyone or does everyone come to you (my friends fit into this category) Appologise, make time, make effort. I am annoyed at my friends but will forgive them the instant they organise a day for me! Gosh, not to sound needy, have many other friends, but said to are great fun and I do miss being able to get to see them

It is difficult, I would make some weekends available, months in advance if need be and organise to see all your mates.

I am afraid one of my oldest and closest friends is now one of my ex oldest and closest friends because of this kind of behaviour. We're still mates, and we still see each other occassionally but it's not the same. And I think he misses it more than I do. But... arrangements with me were alwys the first thing to get dropped off the agenda if anything better came up ("anything better" could include visit from long last family which I would see as legit to "I'm tired and need to go home".).

I offered him opportunities to prove he valued my friendship and he never stepped up. I took that to mean that while he cared, he didn't care enough.

If you do care enough about your friend, apologise and make it up to her. And then remain in her life. Apologising, visiting and taking a gift then disappearing for another year doesn't count. She'll be on here with a thread saying, "my best friend claims she wants to be friends but she never makes any effort or displays any interest in actually spending time with me and my DC"

ok have sent a really apolegetic (sp?) email. it was about a page long so wont go through it all!

have said i am still free that weekend, if not have added another few weekends in that i can meet up.

dont think there is anything else i can do just now.