to yell at DH to stop doing DDs homework!!

[frustratedmumof3]

she's only just gone to bed (Year 7). She is a lazy little madam and she's had this homework for over a month now (big project)which has to be in tomorrow. She is supposed to have completed a big folder of stuff but all she's managed is 3 pages and a crap model of a pencil holder (yoghurt pots stuck together). DH reckons she'll get laughed at when she hands it in so decided to do it for her after a massive row with me .

I have been reminding her constantly about it but then tonight she hurriedly tried to put something together. I am sick of this as all through primary school, I have had the same problem, with me doing her homework for her on some occasions. She will just not exert herself, it's not that she does'nt have time or a quiet place to do it (she has her own room with desk and we have a room we use as a study).

I was hoping that she would get a bollocking off the teacher or a detention for handing in such rubbish to give her a short sharp shock . She is very intelligent but very lazy (not physically - she drives me nuts dancing around the house and practising gymnastics all over the place) and lives in a dreamworld where she's Miley Cyrus!

Does anyone else have this problem? What do you do? At nearly 12, I think I should be able to leave her to get on with it (I will check it of course). I have two younger DC's just starting to bring homework home and I can't keep up with all of it fgs!! DH is only home two eves a week as usually he works until almost midnight so am on me tod most of the time .

DD (10) is shocking for this sort of behaviour. She actually pays DS (2 years her junior) to do her maths homework and cajoles DH into doing her science.

I am with you OP. I feel my DD should crash and burn and take the shame. She really would NOT like to be demoted from the top set and if she had to, she would do it herself.

Surely by shielding our children from the consequences of their lazy behaviour, we're doing them a disservice in the longer term?

I have a year 7 DD. I do have to nag her a lot, but I really would draw the line at doing her homework for her. All she is going to learn is that there are no consequences - and that is a bad lesson to be learning in year 7. I don't know about your DD, but getting a detention for failing to do homework would really upset my DD, and hopefully stop her neglecting her homework for a while.
Tell your DH he is doing her no favours at all.

So, what are you teaching your children ?
What sort of 16 year old are they going to be if you continue to shield them from the consequences of their own actions?

Er robinpud, that is exactly why I am trying to nip this in the bud now .

YANBU. Agree with LadyG and robinpud, she has to face the music. Does DH like doing the homework?

dh's generlaly just don't seem to understand quite frankly.
mine is the same. it is not helping if you are doing it,
she needs to hand in what she has done, get bollucked detention, low marks and learn from it.

LOL Quattro - can well imagine DD getting DSs to do her homework but they're only 6 ATM - only she would'nt pay them!!

Yes, I think I will take her first offering out of the bin and tell her she has to take that in tomorrow (horrid, horrid mum).

I have this problem with ds who is now 13.

I have reinstituted prep. Prep occurs from 1700-1900 each weeknight apart from Thurs (art club)when it is from 1730 to 1915. Fridays there is none, but Sunday afternoon is prep again.

He has to either sit at the dining table, or in my study if using the PC and do the homework, preferably without the i-pod. I check what homework is set and when it is due, and then he sits and does it. I check the homework, and suggest that perhaps it isn't up to scratch. If he is satisfied with it, then if it is wrong, he takes the rap, and is told he needn't moan at me if he gets a crap mark or detention.

I know this sounds draconian, but it worked at prep school, and it helps focus on the homework, as he knows he can't read, draw or play until the homework is done. He is also slowly working out that if he concentrates during the week, he won't have to do homework on a Sunday.

I can't emphasise enough that prep, and a bit of draconian supervision by a parent, is a fantastic idea. I got away with all-nighters before thing were due from infants school through to BEYOND the end of my PhD (all nighters for research papers, conference posters, etc). I have the study habits of a spoilt 10 year old when it comes to actually getting the stuff DONE and not faffing until the deadline is almost past.
I spent the whole of high school in a catch-up pattern of doing last week's homework this week on detention (instead of this week's not on detention); when I got to university no-one cared if I handed things in or not, and no-one noticed whether I actually learnt stuff or just crammed it for the exam and forgot it.

Now, I'm on the point of giving up on academia totally because I have so many holes in my knowledge that I am actually a seriously crap scientist compared to my peers. The holes are all stuff I should've learnt at high school or in undergrad university.

My baby DD (-1 month) is SO going to have prep every afternoon.... ;)