Oh really need some help with this

[MrsSnape]

This is stressing me out something rotten. Looking for advice/opinions.

Background:

DS1 started karate over a year ago. He really took to it and has graded 3 times, is due to go in for his orange and has entered a few competitions.

I used to do karate but quit. However, I expressed a wish to join up again to DS's teacher. He convinced me to do so...so in January, I joined to. I have now graded twice and lost quite a bit of weight.

Thing is, when we were training 3 times a week it was costing us £30 a week. I'm a single parent, currently unemployed and whilst I don't think the class itself is expensive...I just couldn't justify spending so much on it per week. Especially after I booked a holiday, we just couldn't manage.

So we cut it down to twice a week which instructor wasn't really happy about but I'm still finding it really hard. I'm paying £20 a week for karate whilst having to explain to the water company why I'm late paying them etc. It just seems stupid that we're going without essentials whilst paying £20 a week on something that really isn't all that important.

Thing is, instructor isn't very understanding and when we don't turn up, I'm sure he thinks its just because I can't be arsed. He knows I'm a single parent and don't work but I still feel like I'm in bad books everytime I skip a class.

Tonight for instance....I've just drawn £10 out of my bank for karate when I'm £20 behind with the water.

I'm considering just sending DS1 on his own like he used to. That way it's only £4 a session rather than £10 a session....he still gets to train which is more important to me and I'm not left totally skint.

Yes I know I'm a quitter etc but at the moment I have more important things on my mind and can be doing without this stress.

Feel a bit shit about it all.

AIBU

Is there a way that you could somehow help out and get your tution at a reduced rate - thats sounds a bit dodgy ! I mean help with the admin, marketing, organising etc.

Your instructor has no right to be disapproving. No-one chooses to be skint.

Could you not just both train once a week and practice at home- it seems a shame to give up altogether when its giving you a common interest to share with your ds.

My ds does karate (orange belt on Sunday - hopefully!) and only trains on a Wednesday because we can't afford him to attend any more than that. His instructor knows this and is fine about it.

As others have said - sometimes its all about just keeping your head above water

Well I took DS and explained to instructor that I won't be training as much as I'd like to in the near future. I think he took it quite personally at first but I suspect that was down to the way I worded it But I then explained that it was down to money and I'd like to ensure that DS got his two sessions a week even if that meant I had to cut mine down. He didn't snap or act moody over it but I suspect he wasn't happy. I feel even more shit now.

I did stress however that I will still be training, just not as much. I'm going to aim for once a week if pos.

I'm not bothered about grading, DS is.

tough luck if he isnt happy! Is he going to pay baliff fees when you havent been able to pay bills.
As someone who comes from a martial art background and also who is a blackbelt and my auntie is highest level female in her style I am shocked that you have been left worrying about telling him and feeling that you have upset him.

IMO instructors should do it partially for the passion of wanting to pass on karate/judo. My instructor never made much of a profit, simply covered costs and his time,there are two many of these give me £100 up front and then huge dd debit fees each month these days!

The club I go to charges £2 for adults and £1 for kids

too many not two many

I think your instructor sounds like an arse tbh.

I do see what you're saying and its cool that you're a black belt! that is my ultimate goal

But I know he barely breaks even most nights. I really don't think he makes a profit from it and if he did it wouldn't top £5 unless its on a really busy night.

I know I shouldn't worry so much, I'm just feeling a bit down about everything at the moment and I think this is exagurating my feelings on the karate issue to be honest.

sorry cowboy, crossed post.

Must admit, he's the kind of person you really don't know how to take IYSWIM? very difficult to work out.

My dd's do ju jitsu and it's £3 per week and he gave a free intrductory session to see if you liked it. I asked about buying the outfit (as they want one) and the instructor said not to buy it now as they're £30 each, but if dd's want one they could get it for Xmas or they could do chores to earn some money towards it.

He's not all money, money which is why I still take them there. They should pay a £25 membership which they asked for after dd's had trained for a while but I haven't paid it yet as I don't have £50 spare, but he's fine about it and hasn't asked.

Just wondering if there's a reason why you're so worried about offending him? He's your and your ds's instructor, why are you worrying so much what he thinks?

Sorry, didn't see your message headache...

To be honest he has been good about money in the past. He never pressured us about suits or joining fees and we've only ever had to pay for the licence (£16). And he did give us an expensive heavy weight suit free of charge.

To be honest, I've just come to the conclusion that he doesn't like me. He's always been a bit off with me but it was really clear tonight when I picked DS up...he saw me and kind of muttered:

"alright" and didn't speak much.

Then another parent came across and he was all "Alright! how you doing? you coming to the christmas party?" etc etc...

So it is obvious and I don't think I'm being paranoid. Not sure what I've done to him but I'm getting a bit past caring got more important things on my mind really...as long as DS continues to enjoy the class, don't see why he should suffer.

I don't think you should give up on the karate. YOU deserve something too. Could you go once every other week, so then thats £5 a week to put by. Obviously the children need to go - but do they really need to go that many times a week? Could you have a karate night at home maybe - just practicing your katas or whatever they are? I think that would be better than stopping going all together as you still have to work to be up to standard for your next official lesson?

did someone suggest that maybe a grandparent or relative could pay for a term of lessons for the DCs? I know someone who's MIL did this for her grand daughter for her birthday one year?

I will keep going I practice at home alot anyway but I've decided DS can go twice a week and I'll go once a week. That way I'm still involved and training and DS is still getting his 2 lessons a week.

It;s more important to go through the belts to DS, I'm not all that bothered about grading.

To be honest I think a lot of people in these types of industries are really struggling at the moment as these "luxuries" are the first things to go when things get tight. We have a friend who is a personal trainer and her income has decreased by nearly half in the last 2 months because of people (understandably) cutting back. So don't feel bad, you can't be expected to pay for a luxury if you have bills to pay.