In Laws hijacked DS's birthday - I'm spitting mad!!! (Long, sorry!)

[angemorange]

My DS was 2 last week, but was poorly - bad cold/cough & cutting his two eye teeth. After a week of sleepless hell my DP and I decided to cancel his birthday party as he was in no form for it. My family and close friends were fine about this, but in laws not too pleased. They asked my DP to bring him to see them, so they could give him his pressies. I wasn't happy about him being taken out and had row with DP, who took him anyway. When they got there a party had been organised, with food, cake, their friends & neighbours. When they returned my DS was totally hyper - lay on floor screaming as over-tired, unwell, etc. and we had to deal with consequences for about 2 hours. My DP is totally remorseful about taking him and has apologised to me. I'm sooooo angry about this!!!!! Anyone any ideas how to deal with over-bearing in-laws????

I feel really for you, you ended up missing your DS' party.

I would also be tempted to rearrange his party for when he is better, invite a few of his friends, have a nice cake, preferably make sure your parents are there, get someone to take some nice smiley pictures with you and ds (and preferably your mother!) and email them to her.. "Ds at his birthday party - he had a wonderful time and was really happy. I would have invited you but you'd already had a party for him when he was ill..." [evil grin]

I wouldn't phone up specially, but next time you're talking to them I would just say 'I was a bit cross with you for having that party for DS, he really wasn't well and came home in a complete state. Next time could you listen to me when I say he's not well enough?'

Keep it light an casual but get your point across.

Kristatwin - I am just thinking of how my MIL would react if it was me who tackled her on something like this...she is moody enough with me as it is and I don't know what I am supposed to have done most of the time!!! She would probably never speak to me again (hmmm then again maybe not such a bad idea )

It depends on how well you think your DP address the situation. My DH is quite good at dealing with his parents, years of practice! He's not afraid to tell them what he thinks if it's something he feels strongly about.

I think I would bring it up with MIL myself.

I would come from the direction of how upset I was originally to have to cancel his party and then to have to miss another one arranged without me.

No need to be too confrontational methinks, cos MIL's do have their uses, but I don't think you can let it go unacknowledged.

Thanks for the advice everyone! Wouldn't class it as abduction soultaken - DP has full rights and is really great father!

Just heard from DP - doctor says DS has chest infection so going to wait until MIL rings then guilt her with that.

Think I am mainly upset that something I predicted was disregarded, also annoyed with myself I didn't put my foot down when I knew it wasn't right for him to go out.

Think I've learned a lot from this one though - hopefully I'll never be in this situation again.

Oh god, what a situation. I guess they meant well, but I would be furious too. I don't know what to suggest

i agree with greatescape, MIL do have a way of manpilating there sons, talking from experience.

Yeh, DP knows how difficult his mum can be which is a good thing, as he's under no illusions which means he sees my point of view. I think even he was shocked by yesterday, though, and realises he allowed himself to be totally manipulated.
God, hope I don't manipulate my DS like that in the future, scary thought!!

Very upsetting, and I'd find some way of letting them know that you are upset.

Hope ds gets to feeling better soon, when he does, could you have a belated celebration for you and dp with ds, and re-invite those you'd planned to invite in the first place? Or did the orignal plan involve some sort of booking for a hall?

Going to have something elkiedee, was only party at home, so think I'll organise something similar in a week or so.

Thanks for the messages everyone - I feel a lot better!

Going to go now and look after DS!

Have a nice day everyone...