To think I should have had more warning?

[MrsSnape]

EX phoned at 12am last night to tell me that the kids are invited to a party today. He apparantly meant to tell me ages ago but 'forgot'.

Apparantly they "have to" go as stuff has already been bought for them.

Now this I was annoyed about to start with, I mean, what if we'd had plans?

But then....

"They have to wear High School Musical stuff" ???

Ok here you're talking about a boy who is coming up to 10 that prides himself on being "emo", he likes to dye his hair black and keeps trying to steal my black eye liner....imagine him in a high school musical kit?

And then we have little DS2....a lad who absolutely idolises Rob Zombie and thinks that Marilyn Manson is the coolest bloke to have ever walked the earth...imagine getting HIM in HSM stuff???

Apart from that, I feel like I'm now expected to rush out last minute and buy 2 outfits that a) I'll have to bribe them to wear and b) they'll never, ever wear again.

I can't afford to do it anyway so they'll be going in normal clothes.

AIBU?

The HSM kids go to school... they wear normal clothes. Tis not aproblem.

I don't get these "waer HSM stuff" parties tbh. DD was invited to one. She had a skirt & leggings I bought a while back and I only realised after I bought them that they had a teeny HSM logo - she wore that. Not HSM to look at, and was fine.

Grr for your ex though

Surely if Ex is taking them to the party he should sort out the outfits etc?

No you're not being unreasonable.

If he wants them to go and you don't have plans enjoy the time to yourself and let him handle the costumes and temper tantrums.

oh no, he's not taking them. I was 'informed' that I will be taking them. That's another bit that annoys me.

Does it affect you if you don't? Is it his friends/ family that have invited?

Sounds like you don't want to go and the kids don't so he should go.... himself

What stuff has been bought already? I would tell him that he has to take them. If the boys really don't want to go then don't take them anyway.

They will want to go (they don't know about it yet) but I feel a bit put out really. Ex isn't even going himself but it's his neices party.

I just begrudge the way I get a phonecall telling me I'm to take the kids here and there.

If I didn't take them it wouldn't be a huge drama but they wouldn't be happy and I don't really want to upset MIL as I'm going on holiday with her next year.

I just hate being told what to do and think its a bit unfair how this has been dumped on me with 12 hours notice.

But then, I am super-unsociable anyway so could well be acting all unreasonable so I thought I'd put it to the jury

Whose party is it and why do they have to go? If you don't want to bother, call the hosts and explain that exH only informed you at midnight last night that they were expected at the party and you already have plans which can't be changed. So sorry and all that.

The thing is, when a person thinks they can just tell you what to do, the best way to deal with them is to say 'No. That's not going to happen. I've got something else to do.' That will (eventually) teach him that he is neither your boss nor your owner.

YANBU and I agree with Freckle's advice. Why should you have to put yourself out as your ex hasn't got the common sense/courtesty to advise you of the party a reasonable time in advance.

If your dc do not want to go then i'd not take them.

Let xp explain to the hosts that he left it until too late to tell you about it.

Do your ds's want to dress up? If they don't let em wear their usual clothes and explain that ex left it too late to buy dress up gear for them.

YANBU - at all!

Still, I think they should go. Not nice for your niece to find out on the day that her cousins aren't coming when your idiot ex has said they are.

I assumed he was going to take them!

How rude of him to tell you to take them!!!
I would probably refuse but then I am difficult.

Can you phone, say they can come but you have another commitment, drop them off and go and drink coffee/eat chocolate somewhere until the party is finished?

yanbu - if the kids don't know and you don't know/like the hosts then I'd be tempted to ignore. Certainly don't buy anything for it -regular sportswear or jeans are fine.

Nothing wrong with not being into HSM (I don't know many self respecting boys who are) but imho it sounds as if your kids may be being overexposed to odd stuff at a young age.

do you really honestly let your 10 yr old dye his hair black??????? wow