To think that 3 1/2 is too young to go and spend a week with his granny 150 miles away?

[katie3677]

I probably am and I think I'd be more open to it if she had shown more interest over the last three years, but he doesn't know her very well and only sees her about once every 3 months. What do you think?

I have this situation so complete sympathy. Does LO like granny, is she fun when she is with dc? If yes then its not too young because by this age they can remember people quite well, so if she is happy to go out alone with her then she would be ok going for a visit I think.

YANBU it is a long time for a young child only made worse by the fact it is a long way away.

I wouldn't let my 4yo stay away for a week even wtih those he knew well.

Mmmm.

I'd have let DS1 stay at that age but he knows his grandparents very well and sees them 2/3 times a week anyway. So YANBU

FWIW my mum wants to take DS1 on holiday to Lanzarote and I must admit I'm balking at the idea because I'll miss him.

Too long, yes.

I say that because she doesn't see your lo that much.

Has he ever stayed with them overnight?

DS is 4.5 and sees his grandparents about once every 2 months, and they live a similar distance away.

He would not be ready to do this. Nor would I!

I am thinking perhaps when he is 7+ he will be able to go and stay for a week in the school holidays if he wants to.

I would have absolutely no concerns about my parents looking after him, and DS adores them, it's the being away from home / me & DH that would be the problem.

Who is that wants this visit to happen? The grandmother?

Follow your instincts, you know your own child best.

Has she looked after him before for any length of time? How young a granny is she too? I would have thought it would be an awful lot of work for her and would offer 3 or 4 days max. and see how it goes.
FWIW my (soon to turn 5) ds1 is going to his gps for a visit, staying 2 whole days with one day travelling there and one day travelling back. They are all psyched up to bringing him home early if he asks. They've been here and looked after him for a night a couple of times and he adores them. There are two of them, though, so they can pace themselves.

My eldest went away to France with my parents for 3 weeks when she was 3 1/2, so no I don't think he's too young. The consideration is whether he wants to go and the relationship between them.

Always best to go with your gut feeling with your children. If it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't, regardless of whether it is right for other people's kids

It isn't too young if he had a better relationship with her. As things stand I wouldn't do it.

Thanks everyone. He has never spent even a couple of hours alone with her, she has never offered to babysit or anything like that. She is also a bit scatty and I'm not sure I'd trust her entirely, even though she has brought up 5 of her own. I know it sounds ridiculous and it is partly my (difficult) relationship with her that is swaying me. The other factor is that I am due to have another baby in 8 weeks and think he might see this as being offloaded and a bit confusing. I'm going with my gut instinct, maybe in a couple of years.....

I was coerced into doing this about a year ago so my dd was almost 3 I think. And went to stay with MIL for 2 nights (one with dh with her, one without) and its a similar situation to you. MIL lives 120 miles away. We see her once every couple of months. Shes scatty too and does things totally different to me.

Anyway dh and MIL convinced me and tbh it was a big mistake. It totally affected dd's trust in being left and she didn't like grandma for ages afterwards.

Now shes that bit older shes forever wanting to stay at my parents, my nans, my great aunts, etc but those are people she knows and sees very often. She's never asked to stay at grandmas.

So no I'd stick with your gut instinct and sod what anyone else thinks. I wish I had rather than being pushed into it by dh and MIL.

Will also add it seems to have added to the fuel against me from MIL so possibly bewardr of some backlash. MIL went mental at me a few months back about being unadaptable and uptight and told me I didn't fit in the family etc etc. Really nasty stuff. Shes basically a bully who strops when things don't go her own way. They are my kids and its up to me how I bring them up and what I let them/don't let them do.

Yes (to oP)

my ds is not even two yet but has spent 3 nights (consecutively) with his grandma who lives 200 miles away BUT he sees her at least every 3 weeks for a few days at a time(she comes to us to look after him while i study - she is wonderful!) so knows her really well.
I would be nervous about doing the same with his other gp's (my parents) as they see him much less often. As others have said i think you need to follow your instincts.