For just wanting to cry

[Mum2OliverJames]

I have just found out that my ex's sister is having a little boy, i know i should be happy for her but i can help feeling so jealous i want to cry.

My ex is the father to my son but he was violent to me and eventually towards our son, i know for a fact that she is violent to her DP as well because i used to be good friends with him and he confided this in me.

I was told today that she is having a little boy and have been walking around since on the verge of tears because i wanted to have a nice little family but my ex messed that up for us and now she is going to get the lovely little family she doesnt deserve

she constantly has tantrums, and losses her temper at her DD, she constantly argues with her DP but he is a good man and will just take it, she takes everybody for granted expecting her mum to pay for eveything and constantly pick up the peices all the time, and to top it off the time that she got pregnant she was seeing this other guy behind her DPs back although she always denied sleeping with him but had him stay over one night she kicked DP out.

I know i am prob being unreasonable and tbh just feel completely jealous, i only ever wanted a nice little family with two kids and now she is going to get it.

To be honest this is the first time i have cried for weeks so i am getting over ex, just miss being part of a proper family.
i keep telling myself that i should just be grateful that i have DS but now he is napping i just cant help having a good old sob.

Doesnt sound like her family is going to be all roses to me, why are you jealous of someone who is horrible?

You should make the most of what you have and dont dwell to much on the past, concentrate on building a nice future for you and yours. A family doesnt have to be 2 point 4 children to make it nice, fwiw in my family there is just me and my 2 dses and as far as i am concerned we are a complete and happy family.

mummytoOJ you should be glad to have that nutter and his looney sister out of your life, have a good cry and you will feel better

I am glad to have him out of my life, i just wanted to be able to provide a lovely family for my DS, and im not jealous of her, i think she is selfish and nasty, but for the family she has, she has a wonderful DD and DP who both just take her crap day in day out.
Whilst i have always tried to be best DP and mum i can be (although i can be a bit judgemental and competetive) and got lumped with my ex!

Its not fair

But you can still provide a lovly family for your ds, with just the 2 of you, and when you eventually meet someone else, that will be a bonus!

MumtoOJ, I understand why you must be feeling down. You're wondering why does that horrid woman get to have a lovely family when I don't?

Also is it a bit like grieving for the family you thought you had (crappo pyschoanalysis I know).

It's ok to be sad about it I think.

So YANBU.

You are doing the right thing but that doesn't stop it being hard.

dont get me wrong i wouldnt change my DS for the world!

when i was with my ex i used to have dreams about her DP rescuing us, not because i fancied him or anything like that (he is lovely but that would be weird), but because he is a nice stable person who is kind and giving(all lovely qualities)

My ex was a selfish bastard who gave me plenty(of bruises) and could never (still doesnt) see that he was doing anything wrong

i honestly dont know what i saw in him

I'm assuming OP is crying for the children tbh

Sorry if my posts are not very sympathetic mtoj, i dont mean to conme across that way, it must be very hard for you, youve had you dream of a loving family enviornment for your ds shattered, and it is not un natural for you to dream of this guy rescuing you either, you must feel very vunerable, you have my sympathy.

im crying for the whole situation her DD is very behind, didnt learn to walk until quite late (was born quite prematurely) and she gets into such states and screams in her DDs face (just like ex used to to our DS) and she is a cow to her DP who is so lovely and doesnt deserve it, for her mum who always has to pay for everything because she cant handle her finances and also has to deal with the fall out of her tantrums, most importantly for my DS because i as a mum failed to provide him with a good dad.

and for me because i wanted a nice little nuclear(cereal box) family

Oh no but you havent failed to provide him with a good father, your ex failed at that not you, it is better off that he is out of your lives, and you saw that and did something about it, you did the right thing and you are not a failure, please dont think that

yanbu to feel envious. When I had dd and she was brain damaged I could see all these women shouting at their toddlers and being vile and couldn't help wondering why they were 'allowed' non-brain damaged babies and I wasn't.
Life isn't fair. Cry but you can't change her or how she is, sad though it may be.

Mum2OJ, I know what you mean about feeling guilty about failing to provide my kids with a good dad - I have 2, 16 months apart; no. 2 was a bit of a miracle and I knew, really, that ex-OH was turning out to be a waste of space as a father. I have spent a lot of time since getting pregnant with her wondering if it was purely selfish, bringing her into the world knowing that.... but I wanted them both very much; their extended family loves them very much..

And if he weren't their father, they wouldn't be the lovely people they are - they might be lovely, but they wouldn't be 'them', if you know what I mean

When I see friends having babies with lovely supportive partners, however happy I am for them there is a little part of me that is screaming 'why couldn't we have that?' and that is friends - how much stronger the feeling is when it is people who don't seem to appreciate their luck!

I don't suppose either you or I can be sure of how things will turn out for our not-so-perfect families, but I don't think there's any guarantee that any of those cozy nuclear families will do any better. Good luck... and sympathy.