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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DP could come up with at least one nice memory

10 replies

frazzledali · 15/10/2008 02:34

DP has been a bit down today, nothing serious, but I have been extra, super nice to him (obviously I'm always nice to him anyway...)
In bed earlier, he said he was having a bit of trouble sleeping because his mind was running on stressful things. We chatted about a few things, me trying to give him nice things to think about basically. I asked him what his favourite memory of something we had done together was. Cue silence. Long silence. Eventually..."I don't know. I'll have to think about it. I'm not really in the mood." I laughed it off a bit but secretly I'm really hurt.

He then fell asleep, started snoring so loudly that I couldn't get to sleep and had to get up and try and sleep somewhere else. Which I can't.

I probably am being unreasonable. But I don't have need to whinge for a minute.

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Original poster

frazzledali · 15/10/2008 02:35

half. I don't HALF need to whinge.

And sleep.

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ClaudiaSchiffer · 15/10/2008 03:03

No luv not BU at all. Don't DP/DHs have a superb talent for being really irritating at times.

Try not to let it bother you frazzledali, or at least not now, get some sleep and perhaps have a quiet word with him in the morning. I think he probably wasn't meaning to be insensitive but men just sometimes are. Poor loves can't seem to help it.

ches · 15/10/2008 05:04

DH gets into negative spirals sometimes. It's not that he can't think of something, it's that his mind is spinning with all the stress and negativity and he can't see through to the nice stuff, or if he can it just makes him feel worse.

You do need a halo for the snoring thing, though. DH gets a good poke in the ribs and told to roll onto his tummy if he snores. If he carries on snoring on his tummy he gets kicked intermittently until I fall asleep.

Original poster

frazzledali · 15/10/2008 14:56

aaaah thank you...went back to bed at 5.15 this morning, he woke up and was really sorry and has been very nice to me all day. He also says he will cut down on alcohol late at night to see if that helps with the snoring.

So glad I could come and vent a bit though!

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mayorquimby · 15/10/2008 15:07

in fairness while you were obviously trying to help and cheer him up it's the last kind of question you want to be asked when you are in a foul mood for precisely that reason.all your anger and attention is being used on your bad mood and nostalgic soppy trips down memory lane are the last kind of conversation you want to get into.
at least he's snapped out of it and apologised now though and venting on here is always helpfull.

don't know how you live with the snoring though

Original poster

frazzledali · 15/10/2008 15:47

god, I know, if he asked me the same thing while I was in a similar frame of mind I'd probably give some whingy non-answer too, poor thing, I did know I was being a bit unreasonable...but...well, you know how it is.

Will have to get some earplugs if the snoring goes on.

He confessed that I had snored a bit this morning and that was the first time he had ever heard me doing it, which seems a bit ironic.

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Tanee58 · 15/10/2008 18:00

Frazzle, my DP suffers off and on with varying degrees of depression - he was low yesterday, too, went off to work without saying goodbye, was still low (and rather drunk) when I got home in the eve. I too tried being cheerful and not indulging him too much. I'm learning not to take things he says - or doesn't say - too much to heart when he's in these moods. It IS hard to see the positives when you're down. And the alcohol would have made him feel lower still (mine got through 2 bottles and threatened to lock the cat out in the rain so she wouldn't wake him up early).

I'm sure yours remembers lots of good things when he's feeling better - and it sounds like he appreciates what you tried to do for him.

I'm going home now in the hope that mine's feeling better after a day off .

exasperatedmummy · 15/10/2008 18:28

Tanee - i had to smile at your post regarding the cat! I have a mental image of your DP standing there, tumbler full of whiskey in hand, drunkenly putting the world to rights and finishing with ".....and AND im going to lock the cat out in the rain, see how the bastard likes that" .

Im not belittling the situation, it is horrible when your partner goes on a downer, i hate it. I suffer wtih depression and the second he even has a face on, i spiral - so its the otherway around in this house - i promise not to lock the dog out tonight though, I have no alcohol in the house

Tanee58 · 17/10/2008 19:28

you must have been here - except it was fino and red wine, not whiskey!

All more cheerful tonight though. His depression has passed for now, we have the weekend to ourselves as DD is with her father, and we are having Brandy Alexanders. I do hate the depression cycle though, as you say, when one partner is depressed, it's so easy for the other to be dragged in. I'm trying to learn coping stretegies for when he's low. How do you manage?

Original poster

frazzledali · 17/10/2008 21:08

Yes, good to have some coping strategies, please all share! I suffered from fairly severe depression about 5 years ago, medicated for a year and weirdly now I find it really, really hard to...well, not remember exactly, but it all seems very distant. (For which I am deeply grateful). So although I do empathise I'd love to hear how other people cope.

I must say he has been pretty great since then, though, even though he is a bit down still.
Poor man, I was so cross...

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