To think the canoeist is wrong for freezing her eggs so she can delay having kids until after the next Olympics?

[pagi]

Just caught the news about the canoeist who is 36. She's had her eggs frozen so she can delay having kids until after the next Olympics. She doesn't have a partner at the moment.

I'm not sure what I think she is - naive, maybe? I just don't think there's a great hope of IVF working at 40.

In my book, if you are single and want kids, and you're getting older, then you cross everything that you'll meet someone. You then uncross certain bits and hope for the best. It wouldn't occur to me to drop some eggs in the freezer, Olympics or no Olympics!

Perhaps my reaction is just a reflection of my post-motherhood lack of ambition which has been reduced to hoping to get through a week at work without falling asleep at my desk! Or maybe it's because I was told at age 30 that I was showing the signs of an early menopause and to try immediately if I wanted kids. I did, and I was lucky enough to have my son, but it does mean that you don't take motherhood for granted.

cupchar, you seem to dodge the 'selfish'-ness phrase you used in earlier posts in relation to this woman. I will therefore take it that you are retracting based on your most recent and sensible posts.

Yes I have children, selfish me.

ermm no it's not - it's being sponsored by the fertility company that will be freezing them.........

not retracting in the slightest blueshoes!

whatever, cupchar! You respect her choice yet she is selfish in your eyes? You are no longer making any sense to me - far too 'clever' or shall I say, slippery.

The reason IVF does't work so well in 40s is due to the age of the eggs, not the womb, so freezing eggs is a valid choice for someone who is single and can't have babies right now. I'm sure she'd love to fall in love with a man who wants babies, but right now, unless she has uniquely developed a talent for parthenogenesis, then getting pregnant isn't really an option, Olympics or no Olympics. Is anyone really suggesting this primary school teacher and athlete should fit in sperm-stealing casual sex into her hectic schedule? She's just trying to give herself another option in her life. What on earth could be wrong with that?

Blueshoes - it is possible to respect other peoples beliefs whilst not agreeing with them. Somethings in life I don't agree with but others make the choice & I just respect it is their right to do so.

cupchar, so remind me why you feel she is selfish then? And what would YOU do in her circumstances?

It's her decision, but there are no guarantees that it will work.

From what I understand, embryos freeze better than eggs.

I suppose she has chosen to prioritise the olympics above ever being a mother. I'm sure she knows all the risks, and it's her decision.. Not one I'd have made as I hate the cold!!!

if you took olympics out of the mix...

36 year old wants children doesn't have partner, decides to have eggs frozen in case it improves her chances in conceiving if she does meet partner she wants children with in a few years.

Would that still be "selfish"?

I'm not sure why being a potenital Olympian is relevant. She doesn't have a partner now and presumably has decided against having a child on her own now.

Yes cucumber. I would have considered it if I'd got to 36 with no kids. why not? she's only in the news because she's a potential olympian. But she's not the only 36 yr old single woman to do this.

it's sensible. pro-active. Taking back some control over your own life.

Good for her.

well I did so obviously my sympathies are entirely with her.

Am sstill slightly gobsmacked that giving birth to children is considered to be selfless. BEing a mother is a very selfless task a lot of the time but choosing to become a mother in my case at least was entirely about my own selfish need to have a family and nurture.

Given the number of people on MN who think I'm terribly selfish to have had a child on my own, I'm very surprised by the number of people who think she's being selfish for not wanting to make that choice.

Hwey spicey - I know its a way ahead but put 1st MArch in your diary - the girls are all over at my house and you can meet them if you're free.

I do think that people who have never had chidren do make choices about children in a way that you dont after the experience of having them, by that I mean: You put yourself first, you think that you have all the time in the world, you think you get pregnant easily, then have an easy pregnancy, then give birth, then get on with it, so loads of time, loads of fun and no problem at all.

But

The reality is very different but unfortunately you dont know that until after, so AUBU, No, you are just know more about this than she does, will she regret it maybe, will she think a gold medal instead of a child is better maybe, I think she will realise over time, just because you want something, and you work hard for it, doesnt mean you get it! Its not the Olympics!

1st March - blimey you're organised!

That would be great. Will put it in the diary

Spicey - we put dates in the diary about 12 months ahead and I snaffled the March one as its St Davids Day so daffodil soup all round.

Normally 12-3/4ish with everyone bringing something and host to co-ordinate. Chaos reigns with too many children and not enough space but seems to work

I go to about 3 or 4 a year if I can. I'm in th eprocess of persuading some to come to Latitude next year!

Yes, I don't understand why it's selfish to have a child on your own. One excellent parent who absolutely wants to be a parent is better than two parents who stumble into parenthood and then split up later.

I'm a single mother and there is so much acrimony and hassle between my x and me. There's no way that this is better than a woman who chose from the outset to go it alone and who knew she could afford it and handle it on her own.

Whether embryos freeze better than eggs is totally irrelevant to this woman. She is SINGLE but may well find a man in the future to have babies with - how can she make an embryo now, except with donor sperm, which I'm assuming she does not want.

Bugger me! If I had a chance of competing in the Olympics, even if it was just tiddlywinks as long as I was good and loved doing it, I'd do the same. Actually I'd probably not be as organised as to think of freezing eggs. I didn't want children until I more or less had them. Clearly she has spent years and years wanting something other than children.

Good luck to her.