to tell people the reason I'm having a caesarean is so I don't ruin my vagina???

[Twelvelegs]

I'm having my 4th c-section in three weeks and am pissed off that everyone asks why in that why? way. As if I fear the shape of my vagina or can't be arsed to push. The truth is baby one, stuck and my body not stretching...18 hour labour, emcs... baby 2 12 hour labour then baby in distress, emcs (with GA) and baby blue and ressassitated (s?), baby 3, elective c-section and baby four elective c-section.
People respond as if major surgery is the easy option, can they not imagine the pain and discomfort caused by this procedure???
I feel like saying I'll elective c-section for my bits and bottle feed for my tits.... now bugger off!!!!

disclaimer... I will be breastfeeding!!!

I would have loved to have been able to deliver dd as the lord intended, and I do think the CS rate is too high, but most of all I think that the way we give birth is a health issue not a moral choice. Where do people get off trying to make women feel guilty about these things?

Tell them you need your fanny in tip-top shape for shooting ping pong balls. Or say, "Natural childbirth?... oh, I just can't be arsed". Say anything at all that allows you to stay on top of the exchange - just don't get sucked into justifying/apologising for giving birth in the best way for you and your child!

I thought my 2 cs (first crash and second elective) WERE pretty easy. I consider myself lucky.

some people just think that they have the right to pass judgement on others births. After i gave birth i was shocked by this. I found that friends with no children asked less q's than those with children.
A friend had cs 6 months before i gave birth, she was in horrible pain afterwards, after seeing her i was terrified about giving birth. Luckily once i arrived at the hospital after 2 hours of contractions i gave birth straight away with no complications, but i was too far on for pain relief.
Afterwards i heard mil and her sil talking about my vagina being 'in some mess' because i had stitches, and that the girl i mentioned above woud be glad of her cs once she knew i had stitches. I was because before then the condition of my vag (or anyone elses) had never crossed my mind!
Don't listen to them! Nosey, cheeky people!

some people just think that they have the right to pass judgement on others births. After i gave birth i was shocked by this. I found that friends with no children asked less q's than those with children.
A friend had cs 6 months before i gave birth, she was in horrible pain afterwards, after seeing her i was terrified about giving birth. Luckily once i arrived at the hospital after 2 hours of contractions i gave birth straight away with no complications, but i was too far on for pain relief.
Afterwards i heard mil and her sil talking about my vagina being 'in some mess' because i had stitches, and that the girl i mentioned above woud be glad of her cs once she knew i had stitches. I was because before then the condition of my vag (or anyone elses) had never crossed my mind!
Don't listen to them! Nosey, cheeky people!

I got more offensive questions and comments like that when I had a homebirth:

"Oh aren't you brave! I couldn't take that sort of risk!"

Personally I was terrified of the risk of something going wrong during the VBAC - as it had to a friend of my sister - so that is what I told people if they asked why I was having an elective CS after my emergency.

I have now had 3 caesareans and have to confess to the unpopular view that they were all a doddle compared to the few hours of labour I had before DS1's EMCS. (And I don't think my labour was any worse than anyone else's.)

They seemed to get easier each time. Reading the above accounts, I can see that I am lucky.

"I'm having my 4th c-section in three weeks"

I read this as you having had three c-sections in the preceding three weeks

I know this is impossible but it is still quite early and I am sleep deprived....

Also YANBU - your body, your business. People would behave very differently if they were in that situation themselves.

When I think of my intentions having religiously attended every NCT class then after spending 25 hours in labour desperately hoping someone would offer a cs. Got forceps in the end but I just wanted the baby out safely and that is what happened so I cannot complain and I am told the woman who stitched me up made a very neat job of it. It gives me joy in moments of reverie to think of my neat undercarriage embroidery.

Ignore them. People can be incredibly rude. Infact, I am always stunned about how unnecessarily personal and judgy people think they have a right to be about childbirth. Even good friends have pissed me off over this subject. I'm going for a VBAC this time around and have had one friend say 'Oh good. I was hoping you wouldn't elect for a c-section. Seems such a cop out' (I had to bite my lip - I was this close to telling her to eff off) and anothe rfriend saying 'But aren't you wworried that your body just can't do labour?' (Gee, thanks for the support!).

Fuck em all.

Your body, your choice.

Excuse appalling standard of English in last post!

I always thought once you had 2 c-sections they wouldn't let you try a vaginal delivery anyway.

Just ignore them - it has nothing to do with them. I hope it goes well and the recovery it good.

I had a ECS for DS1 as he was breech. I got pissed of having to justify this to people. I have even had twunts lecture me about this on MN, because apparently they would have told their consultant to sod off if they were in the same position. Some people are twats and it is really none of their business how you deliver your baby.

I think you also have to remember that what people say about childbirth has really everything to do with how they feel about their own experiences of childbirth, and nothing to do with you at all.

I do not see why anybody would want to voluntarily have a caesarean without an unavoidable physical need. I had an emergency cs and, bl**dy hell, the pain afterwards was excruciating. Not only that but I was under a general anaesthetic so didn't even see my baby first, nor second, third, fourth, fifth and still feel guilt over that... Recovery was not a few days like many Mums who deliver naturally (yes, I know, not all), but for 6 full weeks afterwards and another 2 to recover and walk properly upright again. And, oh yeah, like so many of us, I got an infection in the wound, lovely.

So why any woman would want to voluntarily put up with not being able to walk upstairs (or anywhere very far for that matter), not able to reach up, out, down, around, no turning over in bed, no picking up baby, no bending, no laughing (oh, the pain!) and if I could tell you the pain of re-learning how to pass wind, well, blimey, that was horrifically painful too.

Sorry to spoil the myth, but it doesn't necessarily leave you in pristine condition down there either. Good on Mums who can deliver naturally who worry more about their babies than the state of their fangitas. If you have a legitimate reason for a caesarean, don't be ashamed, it doesn't make you any less of a Mum - you did/are doing what was best for you, your son or your daughter. And to see my ikkle pickle running around wreaking mayhem makes every second of the pain worthwhile!

I find sad that any mum has to justify themselves. You should all feel proud.

Life is too short to pass judgement on other people. ie. whether their ecs is for a sensible reason or not.

YANBU.
Tell them it's none of their business.

i hate that people have to have an opinion over other peoples choices breast feeding pain releif and natural or c section i think people should learn to butt out you cant push and had problems others cant breast feed but people still feel they need to patronise others

everyone should make choices that are right for them

tell them you don't want to ruin your chances as an trampolinist in the london olympics - tenalady will only see one so far.

and then tell them to piss up[ a rope if their pelvic floors are up to it.

good luck

Say what you like to stupid people, but even joking about ruining your vagina feeds into divisive ideas about 'honeymoon freshness' versus wearing tenelady. Could you not just tell them to fuck off?

I use the term "honeymoon fresh" to describe my fanjo 2 c sections, 1 emergency 1 elective.

Pretend you are porn model and your fanjo is photographed regularly. You could offer the person's husband/partner a signed photo [evil cackle]

Your business and yours alone why you have a c section. People are too bloody opinionated.

It drives me mad too. You're not being unreasonable at all. How dare people make such sweeping generalisations - have they ever tried recovering from a section? I would never call it the easy option.

With all three of my children, I know that without sections we would all have been at serious risk. I've been heartbroken to have had sections but I know its been the safest thing to do.

Twelvelegs, rethinking what you should say. If people are so friggin dense as to judge you about your reasons (which are none of their friggin business) then give them a really collossal story. Tell them that you are going to leave your vagina to science and they (science) in return are going to make you a very rich woman. Beyond that is all hush, hush.

As if you need to justify your decision!