To think the kids would be better off without their dad in their lives?

[MrsSnape]

I have posted before about my children's dad. Basically he just cannot be arsed with them at all but keeps to his minimum contact agreement...I suspect to keep the maintance payments down and to avoid the kids forgetting about him.

Anyway it was arranged yesterday that he would pick the boys up at 1pm today.

At 11.30am he sent a text saying "will you drop the boys off here" he is currently living with his mum.

I phoned and said "why can't you pick them up?"
and he replid "I've hurt my arm" his mum lives 10 minutes walk away.

So for the kids sake I take them to MILs. She told me that he was suffering from a hangover, so much for an injured arm I stayed for 10 minutes to have a natter with mil and then left. This was at 12pm.

He brought them home at 5.15pm. I asked the kids what they'd been doing all day.

DS1: I was on the PC all day
DS2: On the playstation all day

I asked "what was your dad doing all day?"

DS1 replied:

"oh, he went to bed and went to sleep as soon as you left, he only got up when it was time for us to come home".

I mean, what is the point in him being in their lives at all??

oh and btw, this is the last time he will see his kids for the next two weeks...and he chooses to spend it in bed asleep leaving them to their own devices.

none really, but what's the alternative? He's their dad, even if he's an inadequate one

Agree with soul. You chose to have children with him; he's their father and has the right to see them. It's sad that he doesn't want to do more with them, but then the reality for a lot of kids is that they might be sitting on the playstation all day, even when their parents are together!

At least you have the chance to show your kids that you want to do fun, stimulating things with them and hopefully they'll make their own minds up about who they enjoy spending their time with most.

But as far as access goes - he has every right to see them and they have every right to see their dad.

oh dont start me on inadequate fathers!

during an email discussing the beginning of our divorce, i told him that hte kids had been asking why he hadnt been in touch

i just got this back

"I am not in touch because I have zero money and no phone credit.

I don't want them to be inflicted by my woes at the mo.
as soon as it gets a little sorted I'll be in touch with them"

so he cant keep a fiver from his money to top up the phone i bought him to keep in touch with the kids? And he cant speak because of his woes?

i told him it was not good enough, he could get a fiver together and he doesnt have to tell them anything about his so called woes, just bloody well contact them

i also added he knew all this and i was just wasting my breath

he has been back in the uk a month now and called them once ffs

we should bung them all ina big cannon and shoot them into hyperspace, for all the good htey are doing on earth

i dont agree that an inadequate dad is better than none at all, in fact i think it is ultimately more damaging to the children

MrsSnape it will come back and bite him.

It did to DS's Dad, he was much like your Ex,

Ds saw him till he was 12, at which time he chose himself to stop, as he felt 'what was the point', his father was either in bed with a hangover, or watching Football (which DS hates)

As a adult he decided to try again with his father.

Again it didn't work, then a few years later DS got married, didn't tell his father (he got married abroad, and then had a blessing here)

when his father found out, he accosted him in a Pub, saying how dare he get married without his permission.

My very forceful DDIL put him right

I agree with theconfusedghost. My DC's father was exactly like OP's, but for the sake of ensuring their father was part of their lives I dropped them off with him every week.

This has now stopped and the DC's (now 12 and 10) have decided that they no longer want to spend time with him, so I don't make them go.

It is extremely frustrating though. I feel for you and your DC's.

What a waste of space!! The thing is, if YOU stop the children from seeing their dad then you are the demon. Its awful for them, but they will decide themselves i guess. Just don't chase him for contact. Why do men(and women i guess) do this?

no he can never be arsed to pick them up but now he's living a few streets away, I thought even he could manage to get here...I mean, its only once a fortnight and he has a car!

To be honest, the kids are really tiring of him now. They never want to go.