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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are we right to be cross?

62 replies

pamelat · 10/10/2008 16:42

My antenatal group have met weekly for the last 9 months on a midweek (quiet) morning in a local bar (for tea )

This week we were asked to leave because:

"your babies are messy" (we always tidy up afterwards)
"you haven't bought enough drinks" (one hot drink each in an hour, we were feeding the babies)
"you are hogging the high chairs" (there was no one else in there)
"you will stop other people from coming in" (how?????)
"and we are changing the rules anyway and don't want more than 6 babies at a time in"

Bizarre and rude.

I have written a negative review online about them and another girl has contacted the local newspaper, but don't think that they will be interested.

This is a bar that won a family friend award last year [hmmm]

Not upset, more cross.

With the credit crunch, I am surprised that empty bars can turn any custom away at 11am!

OP posts:

Upwind · 23/10/2008 10:40

Based on your OP, of course YANBU

But after reading the starbucks thread and learning about the level of nuisance amd rosl some such groups cause in cafes, I can't help wondering if there is more to it? Are toddlers allowed run about annoying other customers? It was a business decision by the bar manager and was probably made after much consideration of your anger versus the driving away of other customers. Like it or not, screaming babies are off putting.

GColdtimer · 23/10/2008 10:42

They are babies upwind. Not toddlers.

Upwind · 23/10/2008 10:43

The OP never said it was an antenatal group that was restricted to first time mothers...

debzmb62 · 23/10/2008 11:02

first and formost i,d contact the owner to see if is his rules !! if not i think heads will roll if its his rules i'd ask for it in writing and name and shame think its just the staff myself

Original poster

pamelat · 23/10/2008 12:36

Hi upwind, all babies. The oldest is 10 months.

I do wonder whether its because some of them are now crawling?

Genuinely its a big place though and the restaurant area (which is empty at 11am) is round the corner and out of sight (as we are so clearly offputting).

Good idea about finding out who awarded them with a family friendly award and letting them know.

It will be interesting to see how they cope financially without the 11am mums groups.

It has made me cross as its so "oh us "business men" would not want mums and babies around", I wonder what his partner (if he has one) would think".

OP posts:

upnorth · 23/10/2008 17:54

is there somewhere else you can meet?? They don't deserve your money

robinpud · 23/10/2008 18:07

Well there are plenty of alternatives on that road aren't there.. or even somewhere nice on Trent Boulevard..

BitOfFun · 23/10/2008 18:10

"I have to commend F&I for what they are doing here. As a local business man and a former diner at F&I i found it difficult to go into the restaurant to entertain clients. I find breast feeding mothers and screaming babies very off putting. My clients never appreciate it either. So we stopped going. The fact that the mothers have no regard for other customers as the entrances were constantly blocked by buggies etc. its great that F&I are doing something about it. I will be returning back to F&I in the near future knowing they have taken action. "

I just read this review of the place. All sounds a bit "e.howard" to me, if anyone remembers the thread about the insurance company with sexist adverts (long story, in MP's round-up!) Is this guy for real?

BigAxeToChopOffYourThread · 23/10/2008 18:31

dont flame me here... as i agree they are doing their business no good in the long run, as they are alienating their clients, and their future clients... but.

you say you buy one drink each and your there for an hour? how many of you are there? and what would you say your average spend per group is? if for example your group is ten adults and your buying a coffee each at £2 a pop then they are only taking £20 for that hour, which tbh is not very much, for the space your taking up. i.e. 10 adults/babies/buggies/high chairs etc.

The business man for example takes a client in a for an early lunch meeting, has a pint, a meal and a coffee each etc in an hour and spends £40. Is also quiet and only takes up one table.

so i can kinda see where they're coming from. losing £20 in favour of £40 is not exactly financial suicide in their eyes.

but still they're not doing themselves any favours, especially with power of MN.....

BigAxeToChopOffYourThread · 23/10/2008 18:34

forgot to add...

so i dont think YABU to be cross, but in the current climate, they are probably trying to do what is best for them financially.

mummyhill · 23/10/2008 18:40

Glad our local coffee place isn't like that. A group of us tend to meet up with or without the children depending on nursury schedules on a tues and thurs morning for a breakfast baguette and a coffee. We quite often end up staying till nursery pick up time knitting, chatting entertaining any kids with us and drinking copious amounts of tea/coffee/hot choc.

Original poster

pamelat · 23/10/2008 19:18

Yep to be honest we have just changed where we meet and we probably needed the kick up the bottom as now the venue is very child friendly and cheaper.

I was just initially in a huff with the venue and then with the man who counter posted (who I am sure must work there!).

Robinpud - yep lots of alternatives. Sadly the Trent Blvd one has closed down due to lack of business though.

OP posts:

Knakard · 23/10/2008 19:29

Very surprised at this as i used to manage there and the in house policy if still the same is very child freindly, was it a manager you spoke to or a member of staff?

Knakard · 23/10/2008 19:32

And have just read that review link and the "customer" posting in respone is clearly the manager!

BitOfFun · 23/10/2008 19:33

I knew I smelt a rat!

Original poster

pamelat · 23/10/2008 20:20

Hi Knakard, bit embarassed that you used to manage it . We did used to really enjoy going.

The guy who spoke to us (and other mums recently) wasn't the manager. He was young (mid 20's), dark hair and usually lovely. We were totally shocked. He had obviously been sent to tell us.

If the new manager only wants business people, then thats fine, but I dont think he/she needs to be rude about it (via their staff) and we were only there from 11am until noon, a quiet time.

I had heard it had changed ownership in the last couple of months? New website too.

OP posts:

Knakard · 24/10/2008 15:30

New manager is a complete toss pot!! So dont be sorry.

Fellichinis (sp) is a great alternitive and they love kids there, but not sure what time they open.

F and I reputaion is bar far going down hill in my opinion (bit bias though).

PuppyMonkey · 24/10/2008 15:34

I wouldn't be so sure that your local newspaper would not be interested and I have good reason to say this... where is the bar again?

BitOfFun · 24/10/2008 15:38

Ooh, puppy, very enigmatic

I love the mumsnet mafia!

PuppyMonkey · 24/10/2008 15:47

giddly · 24/10/2008 15:53

If they don't want kids anymore, why do they have highchairs? Bizarre and rude if you ask me.

llareggub · 24/10/2008 16:28

We had a similar experience in Starbucks. We met there weekly from when the babies were about 4 weeks old until around 5 months or so. Our group grew bigger and bigger but we were always very aware of not abandoning buggies wherever. As a group we spent quite a far bit, starting with coffee, then lunch and cake

Out of nowhere one day one of the shop assistants told us that our buggies were fire hazards and that we should park them outside, despite the fact that our babies were fast asleep inside them and the place was empty.

Needless to say I have never darkened the door of a Starbucks again and our group now meets elsewhere....

Original poster

pamelat · 24/10/2008 18:55

Hi puppymonkey, its in West Bridgford. Where do you work? My antenatal friend had emailed the Evening Post but hasn't heard back.

Hi Knackard, heard similar things. I think I might know who you are. Are you male?

OP posts:

Twiglett · 24/10/2008 18:59

1 drink each and you stayed an hour

and you go weekly for the last 9 months .. do you tip well?

PuppyMonkey · 24/10/2008 19:08

Pamelat, ring on Monday and ask to speak to Lynette Pinchess, she writes about family issues...

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