To be tired of 'picking my battles' with my 10 year old who argues with almost everybody about almost everything.

[hammouhouseofhorror]

I'm happy to pick my battles but he is like a dog with a bone and whilst I am quite a patient person he is exhausting me. He has been up for 10 minutes and has argued with everything I have said. I generally get up in a pretty good mood but can feel the tension rising, and now he is winding his sister up who up until he got out of bed had been a little sweetie.
We have a reward scheme.
Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!
Sorry
Thank-you.

hammouhouseofhorror - you remind me of a close friend of mine who has a very difficult 12 year old. I so admire her for just keeping going. She does parenting course after parenting course and just keeps plugging away, despite all the knockbacks and exhaustion.

Her DP is very emotionally disengaged with her ds and constantly breaks the rules they themselves have set as a family (for instance, one rule is that her dp doesn't smoke in the house - a rule he always breaks) I've been round at her house and heard the coldness in his voice and manner when he talks to his son. At first I was quite judgemental but I've come to sympathise - her dp just doesn't have the emotional resources to keep being loving in response to relentless unpleasant behaviour, but it's a vicious cycle..... her ds is so desperate for approval and attention, but as he's always in their faces trying to get it they can't help but withdraw from him.

Hope you have a better weekend.

Hi I'm coming to this thread late put I wanted to pick up on the struggling to get to sleep thing.

I took my dd when she was 4 to the cranial osteopath because she struggled to get to sleep and would often wake up in the night and just be wide awake. It wasn't a classic "sleep" issue if she came into us we would tell her it was night time and she woul go away and put herself back to bed etc.

Anyway the CO did help but he said he was sure she had excess adrenalin and recommended we took her to a Developmental Therapist - this is all to do with getting your reflexes at the stage they are meant to be. The do lots of simple diagnostic tests and in deed dd did have excess adrenalin (they look at the way the pupils dilate), retained morro reflex (and indeed she was jumpy and got very shocked easily and distressed by it) she also had delayed reflexes that affect upper and lower body co-ordination - this was very obvious to us she couldn't run, ride a scooter etc etc

Anyhow the exercises we had to do sorted out the adrenalin issue very quickly and she immediately started getting to sleep very quickly and sleeping much better and her gross motor skills improved overnight.

Interestingly most of the children he treats have been diagnosed with ADHD or with AS, so even if it just helps with the getting to sleep thing perhaps it's worth looking at???

It is Neuro-developmental Therapy here is a link to some more info about the importance of the reflexes etc

www.neurodevelopmentaltherapy.ie/subpage.html

I was very sceptical when I went but having witnessed her performance in the assessments before treatment and after 6 weeks of the treatment I was very at the results!

I have a 10 year-old ds. He has his moments (or weeks!) but, thank goodness, he is nothing like as bad as your ds. Poor you.

Ok, this is how I would deal with it, having taken some brilliant tips from a friend who has two fantastic, well-rounded 20-somethings...

Change his bedtime routine and make sure he is sleeping by at leass 9.30pm, ideally 9pm.

The clothes on the floor thing: ask him to put them in the wash. If he doesn't, leave them there. Don't wash them unless he puts them in the basket. Don't nag or keep on at him. Leave them there, its hard, but follow it through. Then, the next time he wants to wear said items, he won't be able to because they're still dirty on the floor. He won't be happy with this, but it will teach him that clothes don't get washed by magic.

If he's rude/uncontrollable, give a warning and then withdraw an activity, such as football or scouts and stick to it. Do not let him go that week.

Homework: this one should rectify itself. Remind him ONCE that he has it to do, then leave it at that. If he doesn't do it, he'll be in trouble at school and that's not your problem.

Stick to your breakfast rule. If he's not down by 8am, no egg sandwich. Ignore his moaning, like you are already doing.

I know this all sounds easier than it actually is, but you have to be tough.

I hope he starts being nicer soon. ds is 1o and a half and I quite like him at the moment, but a few months ago was a different story. I am waiting/dreading the next round of hormones!

Good luck.

Or you could try my special tactic: screaming until all the veins stand out on your face and your children run away from you shouting 'mum's gone psycho!'

Gives you ten minutes of peace to drink a cup of tea and regain your powers of thought.

I reckon you burn off quite a few calories doing this too!

Rofl TBB, might feel better if nothing else!
Somersetmum, the teacher is with me on the homework thing, we agreed on parents evening the other night, so it is also one less thing to stress about.
Clothes he will happily wear the same clothes for weeks, and I think I could ignore it but not his dad.
The sleep thing we are working on and I am interested in your comments CarMum, I might try to look into that further.
My H is probably in the same place as your friends, but it makes it so much harder, and he says things out of frustration that make matters worse and then I have to keep picking up the pieces.
I know (hope) it won't last forever...but neither will I !!!

Weekend slowly descended into chaos, but perhaps not quite as bad as normal. I wonder sometimes if a child that young can have some kind of depressive condition as he has chronic mood swings. But when we see someone he is always on top form so they just get one side of him.
I might try to get him to keep a diary.

I found the only way to deal with DGd when she was like that was to totally ignore her, no eye contact no arguing with her, just nothing till she had calmed down.

It took a lot of more than gritting my teeth, but eventually it got through to her that I was not going to play her game.

TCG, I can do that a bit but he is tenacious and pushes it beyond belief.
Monday fraught but last night hell again. Things particularly bad between him and H but I was the one that got kicked. We are seeing a social worker and anger management therapist on thursday. The social worker has been brilliant. Rings me up a couple of times a week to see how things are and just for a chat.
So i'm not sleeping again, exhausted, struggling with pain despite painkillers, trying to be bloody cheerfull when I feel like howling.
Sorry, just needed to get it off my chest, don't know if anybody there.

i have a seven year old like this. god knows what he will be like by the time he will be ten.

stitch...if there is anyway you can, try to get help. Talk to school, phonelines, doctors. I seriously hope it improves for you but if it doesn't IME it can get a lot worse. Maybe if you can do something now it will make the future easier for you...all the best.

hammouhouseofhorror - have been following your thread. Dd is nearly ten and can be very difficult and negative lately . So I am listening to all the tips too!
Hope you are sleeping a bit better, I find it so hard to be patient and calm when I am tired. Hope it went well with the anger management yesterday. Keep us updated