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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think people should not rely on DH for lifts on the day of our sons Baptism?

20 replies

LadyOfWaffle · 07/10/2008 23:35

His grandmother lives 150 miles away and has heavily hinted (think she asked DH outright tonight though) that she will require a lift. She has no where to stay night before/that night so DH probably has to drive 150 miles there and 150 miles back before 10.30am. And 150 miles to drop her back, and 150 home. Then his cousin has no car and lives 40 miles away and DH doesn't think he will want to stay over... They are the 2 most important people though (only people on DHs dads side) so we can't not pick them up, but argh!

OP posts:

Lauriefairycake · 07/10/2008 23:38

That's awful Your dh can't possibly drive 600 miles in one day. Is she well enough to get the train (or see a video of it afterwards)?

FimboGotAxed · 07/10/2008 23:40

Can she not come and stay with you or even your relatives for one night?

themoon666 · 07/10/2008 23:42

600 miles in one day? Well that's a non-starter isn't it.

FimboGotAxed · 07/10/2008 23:42

Or could you try and book her in a travel lodge type place with the cousin. They have deals on depending on dates £19/£29 etc

Starbear · 07/10/2008 23:42

How important is she to your family? Could she come down by train night before and you'll put her up or a travel lodge!! Just an idea. I think I'll pay for my DH's Aunty Winn she lovely. But I wouldn't expect him to drive. It's funny how older people think that driving is a breeze!

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 07/10/2008 23:43

My mum already has 2 people staying in my room and a lodger in the other spare. She prob. could get the train but we would never hear the end of it! I think we might have to pay to put the lot up somewhere, I know DH will end up not making it.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyOfWaffle · 07/10/2008 23:45

A cheque arrived on the mat this morning apparently to pay for the petrol Cor, we didn't even agree! Guess we'll have to now. Righty -o , travel lodge it is.

OP posts:

TwoPumpkins · 08/10/2008 11:50

say no
he needs to enjoy the day

Gettingbiggernow · 08/10/2008 12:00

Tis craziness to do 300 miles before 10.30am - what if there was tons of traffic there/back or both? Both she and DH might miss the ceremony

She really needs to stay 2 nights - come up the night before to stay, then stay on the day of baptism. If there's no room at yours then tell her it HAS to be B&B/Travelodge. With older people they sometimes don't like being away from their own bed for even a night but on this occasion, really it's unavoidable.

YANBU.

LoveMyGirls · 08/10/2008 12:02

Don't agree either they stay somewhere or they dont come, it's a bit much.

zipzap · 10/10/2008 22:32

She is bullying you and forcing the issue by sending you the cheque, hoping that you will back down and do as she wants.

If you don't cash the cheque - or indeed, acknowledge receipt of the cheque - then you can pretend that you haven't received it and carry on making plans for her that don't involve lots of driving for your DH. It's up to you to decide how late the letter arrives (if at all!) - just occasionally the bad reputation that the Post Office has can be used to your advantage .

Would a train be very much more expensive than the cost of the petrol? Especially the way that petrol seems to cost a lot more than it used to - can you book an advance train or coach, they are often much cheaper if you can sort them out well in advance. And being cheekiy - and has she actually sent enough to cover the full 600 miles, not to mention wear and tear on your car? Does she realise the actual cost - both monetarily and the physical effort involved in doing such long drives, especially with the pressures involved on such a weekend?

Or ring up a couple of local (to her and you in case there is a difference) taxi companies to see how much they would charge to do the trip - even if they only did one of the trips it would save your DH a lot of driving on a weekend that he should really be at home for all the preparations / celebrations / tidying up after / etc of his DS's baptism. You could even be really brave and google lift sharing / share a ride etc and see if you could find her a lift that way!

And if you know that you will 'never hear the end of it' if you sort out a train ride/whatever for her, you and DH work out a strategy for dealing with it in advance, so that every time she starts to mention it you have got your counter statement that you can come out with (eg 'Well at least it meant that you and DH could actually be at the service with no trouble and that DH was awake for his own DS baptism yadda yadda...') - turn it into a game, the first one that gets to say the line to her 10/20/whatever/whenever times gets large choc bar/bottle of wine/shopping trip/cuddly toy/blankety blank chequebook and pen as a reward .

Good luck - hope you get to enjoy your special weekend together without turning into a long distance taxi service!

morocco · 10/10/2008 22:37

taxis? even if you pay, surely worth it?

what a pain. mil is like this as well. drives me mad

mumeeee · 10/10/2008 23:27

Your DH should not be picking his grandmother up on the day of the baptism. Tell her it is impossible for him to do it as he has got to be availanble to help sort out last minute things, Sat that you will use the cheque either to book her into a travel lodge or tobuy her a train ticket.

Elf · 11/10/2008 08:14

His relatives are behaving badly but it is up to you two if you are going to let them.

Think of it as an assertiveness challenge and see what improvements you can make to the situation.

GrapefruitMoon · 11/10/2008 08:22

I agree that old people often have no idea of what's involved in giving people lifts (or pretend not to!). My aunt is like this - she often gets various relatives/family friends to drive her home. She lives in London so you can imagine how long this takes someone who doesn't actually live in the city so is really going out of their way...

I just drop her at the station!

justaboutstealswinegums · 11/10/2008 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum2oneloudbaby · 11/10/2008 08:38

After my dd baptism my only advice would be do not have anybody else in your house other than the 3 of you (assuming first dc).

We had family staying over the night before and then my sil turned up unannouced before service. My dd was over wrought through lack of sleep and over excitement before we even got to the church. It was hideous.

So you certainly don't need your dh running all over the country. Think of what would be best for you and your dd it is his day.

alicet · 11/10/2008 15:34

I can't believe that anyone would honestly expect someone to drive 2 300 mile round trips in a day for anything never mind for something as important as your son's baptism

I don't think the fact she has sent the cheque ties you into anything at all ifyou haven't agreed.

Of course if it is very important that she is there then you will need to ind a way round it either by telling her if she needs a lift she will have to come the day before and stay till the day after, get someone else to do lifts, or tell her to get train / bus. She should fit round you - not the other way round!!!

Frankly I think I wouldn't be too disappointed if anyone who was inconsiderate enough to EXPECT lifts like this wasn't there but that isjust me.

I would stand your ground otherwise the day will become so stressful you won't enjoy it.

amess · 11/10/2008 15:36

Totally agree and would add should not happen on dd wedding day either (as in my own case)!

alicet · 11/10/2008 15:37

Seriously if they are not prepared to put themselves out at all on this special weekend for you I think they are beyond selfish. Would it really matter that much if people like this weren't there?!

Actually quite on your behalf!

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