I'm not, but DD1 is, and I don;t know how to make her see sense..........argh!!!!

[PsychoAxeMurdererMum]

every one of you will know all about the money situation right now, and how all of us are being affected.

we have just now tried to explain it to the girls, (the elder two, the smaller ones are all at after-school clubs). It was started by DD1 asking for a new coat, even tho she rarely wore the one we got her last year, and which she claims is now too small (it isn;t, it is still big on me, and she is smaller than me....I suspect she is just bored of it).

anyway, we then started to explain that with the current money crisis, we were not going to be buying them anything between now and xmas as we actually want to be able to have idea's for xmas etc.

we also then explained that if it comes to it, they will have to think long and hard about all the dancing they do, plus the scouts etc. I am of the opinion that scouts will continue as I actually think it teaches them independence and life skills, where-as dancing really just leaches our money even tho it is great for them and they enjoy it.

DD1 then said that she would continue to pay for dancing out of her pocket money.

fine we said, but please remember that WE pay for pocket money, and if it does gete dire, of course, pocket money will therefore be affected too.

Cue massive tantrum.....

"why don;t you just RUIN my life, I mean, you just go on and on and on and on trying to upset me and now this....HUH!"

and so she strops off.

and then returns

"Just so you know, I don't CARE if we lose the house, I would rather be homeless than give up my dancing!"

and she was completely serious.

she clearly just does not get it!

of course, both DH and I laughed...she was so very very angry and we saw the 2yr old that she was once, and we saw it in a comical way ((which I confess did not help much))

but

on a serious note, how do we make her see how unreasonable she is being??

or do we just chalk this up to her being 14, and really, she just won;t get it anyway???

it is not just on her tho.......all of them dance (altho the boys are free as a consession).

in fact, broken down per girl it is £13.50 per week, so not truly dreadful.

it is just added together, plus the petrol costs and the clothing costs.

altho, that said, clothing and shoes etc can be bought as xmas pressies.

she is doing dance and drama as GCSE's tho, which is another reason for her to want to continue.

She's 14 - her initial reactions are not going to be logical or reasoned.

I would be inclined to leave it a while and see what she then says/does - when/if she realises that everything else will go before dancing she may be more reasonable about Christmas.

Is there a way you can cut back on/postpone the expensive 'extra' bits like exams and shows?

Is there anything you can give up first before her dancing if she really wants to make it her career (is she honestly good enough ?). My DH gave up his car (it was a BMW - ridiculous cost)before we stopped our DSs' swimming which was costing £120 every 4 weeks.

He said how could he expect them to give up the swimming lessons if he wasn't prepared to make sacrifices first.

DS2 is still doing football which is a lot more affordable.
Still looking for other things to cut back on (DH refuses to give up Sky+ though - he says we don't go out to it's not really as luxury !).

How much would it cost for just your DD1 to dance? Would that be more feasible?

lemon, if it comes to it, seeing as she does want to do it as a career, we will go talk to the dance teacher.

at no point tho is this certain. it is payed up until xmas now (I was behind last week and then DH got one jobs money thro so I caught up and over payed to cover us IYGWIM), and at no point were we going to bring this up today anyway. DH and I have been talking about how and where to budget, but not to the children.

but this afternoon, it was just me and DH and the tow older ones, and DD1 started going on and on about this sodding coat, so we bit the bullet (so to speak), and started explaining the money situation (not all, but hoping to tell them enough that nothing being bought/payed for until xmas regarding frivolous spending), and then she blew up.

hence the thread

It sounds from what you're saying that dancing is something that is more than just a hobby to her. And stopping her doing it seems a little harsh, although I can of course see where you're coming from as a friend's dh is also a builder and his business has practically ground to a halt over the past couple of months.

How important is dancing to your other children? Could you stop the lessons for them first and maybe stop something else for your dd1 instead? Saturday jobs are very hard to come by, but could she do babysitting/offer to do shopping for people to earn a bit of extra cash?

exams....next lot this month, already payed for. the next show is next march, so costume money will be being asked for come january.

we will of course be cutting back in all ways. she will not be the first to go without.

yes, I do think she could make a career out of dancing/drama. she is good, and she gets consistantly high marks in her dancing. she could be better trained in certain parts, but that is more to the teacher picking her up rather than ability IYGWIM.

in fact, when my accidnet money comes thro, I am tempted to get a decent bike for everyone and we cycle everywhere to save on petrol costs (which with our beast of a car, is £90p/w just on school and after school clubs running about).

there are ways to ensure she continues, but she is 14, and she took HUGE offence at us even SUGGESTING it!

SGMom, the costume cost makes us all cross at the school....the teacher truly has no idea.

also, the £400 was between the five of them, but when you think I needed to pay £36 for a tutu, and two girls needed tutu's, that is where a lot of costs go.

we get to keep all the costumes too, which rankles as surely the teacher would be better off hiring them out to us and not need to keep buying new stuff each year, especially as all the dancers in the school grow out of their stuff between shows!

It's probably better that you let them know now anyway TBH. If they know that things are really tight they will probably put a lot more thought into what they ask for from Father Christmas, rather than expecting fun stuff for Christmas and new clothes/shoes etc. before or just afterwards.

I'd wait until the hormone fueled flames have died out- probably a day or three- and try to get her more involved in the moneysaving stuff. Ask her for ideas on saving or if there are toys/clothes that are spare that could go on e-bay. Even if she did some babysitting whilst you work. If she knows that you're doing everything you can to avoid cancelling her dance stuff it might help.

On the plus side, at least she's not moaning about a new coat anymore!

lemon, I had not thought of that.

yes, she has forgotten the coat!

Can she help out at the dancing school as an assistant?

Oh tell me about costumes! . DD was briefly involved in a dance school and she was in a show one yr. A ten min spot for 3 nights and the costume cost £80. For a black leoatard (she already had one), red pumps, black tights and a little hat thing. That was 5yrs ago.

sell the costumes you already have on ebay/second-hand dance costume website (if one exists, if not perhaps you could start one? ).

how important is dancing to the other two?

she does help out as class assistant.

she gets payed £5, and she helps in 3 lessons.

I guess if it comes to it, she could help out for free and get lessons instead......I might ask the dance teacher.

wannabe, that is a very good idea, I have many costumes upstairs, I could do that!!!

I guess the other two girls could drop some/all of dancing if it comes to it. DD2 would almost certainly opt to stay at scouts anyway, and DD3 wants (and already does) to do gymnastics at school, which is free.

I sold dancing bits on ebay before and they raised good money.

I really should ebay them shouldn;t I.

I got their medal costumes from ebay, I am just very nervous of working out how to sell them on.

plus, I do tend to think that what I have for DD1 can be handed down to DD3, even tho in all honesty, she won;t neccessarily do the same type of dance.

just start by selling the stuff you think you have def finished with.

Brand name
size
approx age
colour
what it is

good plan.

would it matter that I have jazzed up most of their costumes for the medals with many sequins etc??

I wouldn't have thought so? Have a look at completed items and see what they go for etc

remember to state whether they are clean, very good condition, immaculate etc and whether they are from a smoke & pet free home or not.