Am I being unreasonable to expect my MIL to get up before midday when she visits!!!!!

[toobusytothink]

I don't particularly get on with her for a variety of reasons, but think it is important that my children know her and get to spend time with her. She complains that she doesn't see them enough so I try and make the effort and invite her over.

Anyway, she normally arrives after lunch and can't wait to see them. Then she goes to bed about 11:00 and doesn't surface again until midday the next day! By which time she has missed out on 5 hours precious time with grandkids. At which point she sits down and has breakfast, about half an hour before we need to give the kids lunch.

She then says to my husband that she doesn't want to outstay her welcome so leaves.

I just don't get it. Yes, I feel it is lazy and rude, but also I don't understand why she doesn't get up to be with her grandchildren. Am I being unreasonable???

I have to physically stop my DD from knocking on my MILs door bellowing "wake up nanny its morning!" when she comes to stay. I normally give in around 8am, which is acceptable to all concerned.

In your case, how about 9am?

You could help DC take in coffee if it made the waking up more pleasant?

good idea JBJ. It is disrupting as you say. Or we could just go out the 4 of us and leave a note saying "sorry we missed you - see you next time ..." !!!

Tell her you will be out by (say) 10 am. Have an alarm clock in the guest room. Then if she isn't up it is her perogative. Leave her a cheery note on the kitchen table telling her where you will be and roughly what time you will be back.

MHO here but this really struck a chord with me, having just got rid of ahem, waved off the inlaws.

If people (family, friends whatever) are visiting you in your home, surely it's reasonable of them to fit in to a significant extent if you have small DCs? After all, they know what they're coming to & that small DCs get up early/are noisy/need entertaining etc etc.

I found this last time I was expected to entertain and 'wait on' FIL more than my 17 month old. We had words. He was most p*ssed off but I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be able to find his own milk in the fridge. He also complained about the children waking once during the night

Maybe IABU here but visitors who didn't accept & fit in with the reality of our family life wouldn't be terrifically welcome again - maybe that would suit them too

Send the kids in, go on!

FT

When my mother comes to stay, she takes to her bed in the afternoon to read Take A Break

My mil gets up at 6.30am when she stays with us. Even though we will be running around trying to get ready for work, she hogs the bathroom. Would it be too much to ask that she did not get up until 7am (leave for work then).

2 xmas's ago, I had to drive her back home (75 miles there, 75 miles back). I was on a late shift (started at 1.30pm), and she refused to leave our house until after 9am.
Said she took her tablets at 9am and nothing was going to change it.

So, had to drive like a bat out of hell there and back to ensure I was not late for my shift. And she complained that I had not had a cup of tea at hers when I got her home!!

I have total sympathy as we have exactly the same with MIL. She comes up Saturdays at lunchtime - DS asleep. Then sits and needs endless teas and coffees and tries to get DS near her for a photo (despite the fact he doesn't know her very well and hates having his photo taken!). Then the next day she rises at midday by which stage we have a stir-crazy toddler who needs lunch (whilst she eats breakfast) then sleep. She then leaves about 3pm, just after DS has woken! It's ridiculous, she barely sees him! We have decided now that we will go out on the Sunday morning and leave a note as to where we are - her loss.

Weegle - that is exactly exactly the same!!! Can't believe there is more than one of my MILs out there. They get annoyed that the GC are asleep when they arrive but yet they know what the routine is.

Sounds like there are some others out there who have different but equally disrupting inlaws. Ahhhhhh!!!

Gosh, mine actually aren't too bad having read this lot! I get annoyed if anyone sleeps in past 8am at our house - I haven't had a lay in for nearly 2 years so very selfishly have no sympathy for anyone else who may want one. DS wouldn't allow it anyway, goes and checks out whoever is in the guest room. If they are retired then they can lay in any time they like so don't see why they should lie in when they can be helping entertain DS!

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. We are not, and never have been a particularly routine-driven household.

My mother is 81. We now share a house, but when she visited us in the past I would be in bed by 10.30pm and she would usually stay up (quietly) watching telly until 3-4.00am and not surface again until noon or later.

It was great! She was never underfoot during the morning rush. I could get off to work or potter around catching up on housework without worrying about tripping over a visitor.

I expect house-guests to organise their own breakfasts / timetable and hate the idea of micro-managing visits. I would certainly not expect a GP to spend all their waking time "bonding" with my DC.

Some folk are just not that good at entertaining very young kids and find it exhausting, no matter how much they love them. My mum is one, and I'm another!

Just realised this is an ancient thread!

How did this get bumped?

Fimbo I like the sound of your mum!

I don't get it. YABU, she complains she doesn't see them enough maybe (all il's do I reckon) but she isn't asking you to be quiet or anything, she probably is happy to just be there in the house with you all, well maybe not you if you don't get on . If it's stopping you doing something with dc's like going out or something I'm with junebug, tell her the night before you're going somewhere and mention that if she want's to come with you all you are leaving at 10 or whatever and that will give her notice.

Don't stress about it though, it's really not worth it in the grand scheme of things although i am aware, that when you don't get on with someone, everything they do pisses you off.

If she wants to stay in bed until midday, then let her. She can get herself some cereal when she wakes up. Let her know what your plans are the night before, and if she really wants to come, then she will get herself out of bed. If not, then you can still get on with your day.