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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at my friend, for asking me, oh your not going to be one of THOSE mothers are you?

39 replies

spottyzebrahasthelurgy · 03/10/2008 09:58

i was trying to get my friend to come along to the mother and tots group.
she said she would take her dd when she's older, and that she doesn't really need to go to one of those grops as she often sees her family.

i told her about all the good stuff kids get to do there, like painting and sticking.
and she said oh i already do finger paints with her dd.
i said i didn't let my dd doing painting and stuff in the house only in the garden when the weatehrs ok.
she pulls a right face and goes, oh no your not going to one of THOSE MOTHERS are you!??

i was a bit stunned at 1st, then she said that her mum did not allow her and her brother to do anything messy in the house.
no arts and crafts and no cooking etc as it was too messy.

both our dds are about 18months old.

OP posts:
Twiglett · 03/10/2008 10:00

she's got a point actually (which you're really not going to want to hear)

there are parents who don't let their children do messy activities at home because of the mess

and there are parents who do let them do messy stuff at home

it's a choice really ... whether you can live with the mess and the clean-up or not

if you can't then to her, who can, you are one of those mothers

but then to be fair to you, who can't, she's one of those mothers

Tommy · 03/10/2008 10:01

she's just imposing her bad experience onto you.

Ignore her - I agree with you actually. I have done painting and gluing and stuff with DS1 and 2 and it is a big faff. We go to toddler groups and DS3 does it there. Fair enough I think.

Ignore her or laugh it off and say "Yes - I can't have my exquisite house messed up by a child" and look suitably shocked

hecate · 03/10/2008 10:01

Well, are you going to be one of 'those' mothers?

She meant the type who keeps a showhome and yells at the kids if they drop anything, won't allow toys to be visible, faints at the mere mention of paint, glue or glitter, and doesn't allow the kids to have any fun at all, btw

CatMandu · 03/10/2008 10:01

She has a point imo.

Sycamoretree · 03/10/2008 10:02

Out of interest, why don't you let your DD paint etc in the house? And what's your issue, that she thought you were some sort of freak because you don't like the mess?

Tommy · 03/10/2008 10:02

Twiglett said what I thought but much more eloquently (as always )

cheesesarnie · 03/10/2008 10:03

she does have a point.

snowleopard · 03/10/2008 10:04

I do tend to her pov as well, sorry. I think having an 18mo should mean accepting a bit of a mess sometimes.

But, OTOH, if they can get lots of that at nursery or toddler groups, it does cut down on the mess you have to deal with. We do do messy stuff at home (especially cooking) but because I know DS does lots of painting and glueing at nursery, I don't feel so obliged to do those things at home.

solo · 03/10/2008 10:05

I like your thinking Twiglett
Well, I guess I'm one of those mothers too! Guess which one!

Original poster
spottyzebrahasthelurgy · 03/10/2008 10:06

well i think it was more to do with the fact she idn't want to go to the mums and tots group iyswim.
i think i might of pissd her off, saying about how good it is there.

yes i agree with all your point so far, i can't stand mess and to be fair she can.

OP posts:
hecate · 03/10/2008 10:09

you can't stand mess?

Having children is going to be hell for you then....

Original poster
spottyzebrahasthelurgy · 03/10/2008 10:10

i know i admit i am a clean freak.

OP posts:
berolina · 03/10/2008 10:11

you don't let your child do painting in the house because of the mess?

Original poster
spottyzebrahasthelurgy · 03/10/2008 10:12

why
?

OP posts:
geekgirl · 03/10/2008 10:14

spottyzebra, nowt wrong with being 'one of those mothers' - I have palpitations at the thought of finger painting or fecking glitter. Maybe it works for people who have neat children or something, but whenever mine do anything messy the clean-up is unbelievable (and I so am not a neat freak), and as long as they get to do it somewhere else I really don't see the problem with being 'one of those'.

It'll be different when your dd is older, plenty of time to be crafty then if you wish.

berolina · 03/10/2008 10:16

I am just amazed! You can put down sheets/newspaper/put on aprons/clean up mess, you know! Painting/crafts are one of my favourite bad-weather things to do with the dses. It just seems so... limiting to only do it when the garden is usable.

berolina · 03/10/2008 10:17

geekgirl, even I draw the line at glitter

pigleto · 03/10/2008 10:17

I have the art stuff set up in the shed. They make too much mess in the house and if a pen is left around dd writes on the walls. My house is a bit of a tip and I hate cleaning. That is why art takes place out of the house.

I would rather do housework than go to a playgroup though. She is right about that.

Lizzylou · 03/10/2008 10:18

My Mom never let us have glitter/glue/paints/playdough. She is very clean and tidy.
I'm not, we have all of the above, so I am making up for what I missed!
I can see both points, my Mom is so uncomfortable when we do craft stuff in her presence, like her fingers are itching to get a cloth
If you are uncomfortable and ill at ease it is probably best you do just let your DD do that kind of stuff at playgroups etc. Won't be a nice experience for either of you otherwise.

onepieceoflollipop · 03/10/2008 10:18

zebra don't ever tell people what you do or don't do in terms of messy play at home. If your dc has chance to do it at a group fair enough.

I personally don't make these kind of admissions to mothers who might have different standards/priorities.

Personally we do do some messy play - such as playdoh and occasionally gluing (pritt stick not superglue! )

We all parent differently, so on subjects like messy play, sweets, and anything else remotely contentious then just smile sweetly and don't join in on any discussions.

berolina · 03/10/2008 10:18

We have no garden, let alone a shed, so if we kept to your rules we wouldn't do art, which would be

cheesesarnie · 03/10/2008 10:19

spottyzebrahasthelurgy-youd hate my house.my children love nothing more than painting,sticking,playdoh,facepainting,clay-the messier the better!
one of their current favorites is big bit of paper on floor and feet painting

MortBlackCatResident · 03/10/2008 10:19

I did the glitter / painting / playdoh etc. stuff and i admit i hated cleaning it all up after.

Much better now they're 5 and 7 and cna clean up after themselves and also not so messy any more (wonders if the two are related).

Mud and animal stuff etc. never really bothered me but glitter glue.................................

berolina · 03/10/2008 10:20

Fab idea cheesesarnie I think I would try that with ds1 today if we weren't alrady making ds2's belated birthday hedgehog cake with lots of crumbly (messy) Flake

VinegarTits · 03/10/2008 10:20

Maybe she thinks your too pushy for trying to make her go to the M&T's with you.

Not letting kids to painting and crfts in the house is a bit imo, but each to their own

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