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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to kill MIL if she says "Oh his hands are chilly...heneeds to be dressed warmer" one more time

44 replies

iwantasecondone · 02/10/2008 21:59

Before DS my MIL kept her opinions to herself. Since he was born 6 months ago I have had sooo many snide/veiled comments and it's driving me crazy. I know it is the same with all MILs, but just want to shoot her. Today she asked me whether I was STILL breastfeeding and pulled a face when I said yes. She then proceeded to tell me about her friend's grandaughter who is STILL BF AT 8 MONTHS (disgusted face) CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? HOW DISGUSTING!! She then told me that my son has a cold because I don't dress him warmly enough (he must wear a vest, long sleeved top, jumper and then a blanket inside with the central heating on, apparently) and I can't be feeding him properly as he isn't fat anymore. (He started crawling and is very active). That of course prompted the "Well, you don't have enough milk, do you, it doesn't last 6 months. Oh, and he should be eating "good" foods like eggs to fill him up. ARGH. This happens EVERY f-ing time we go round. DH never says anything. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

OP posts:

namechangefersure · 03/10/2008 08:23

by mentally i mean of course internally, silently

ahem

Rubysmom08 · 03/10/2008 09:54

my mil drives me demented she is the most demanding, interferring person I know but she is very clever with it.. basically prtends that she is more stupid than mud and generaly her behaviour gets over looked.

At 20 weeks we found out we were having a girl and told the il's. The followig week they went on holiday and she bought back a nursery name plaque- Grace- we hadn't even discussed names. Physco!

When I stopped BF she said she gladI'd given up that 'hippy dippy' stuff! Weeks before we were out for dinneratarestaurant and it was snowing outside my dd needed feeding and she suggested that instead of feed her infront of fil that I should a) go and sit in the car or b) on the loo!

Atone of my last antenatal lessons atthe hospital I was told [thankfully] that only partners were allowed in the delivery room as she kept pestering me that she wanted to see my dd the minute she was born. After telling her this she promptky got on the phone to one of her friends who was on holiday in America at the time because she worked at the mat unit and asked her if she would be allowed into the room and suprise suprise even though me and dh explicitly said no, she burst through the double doors while I had all manor of hell between my legs and had only given birth minutes before.

I will never forgive what she did, she violated me and quite frankly I hate her, which i know is s trong word but it couldn't have a better meaning when using it abiut my mil

Upwind · 03/10/2008 09:58

Rubysmom08 - I hope you made a formal complaint to the hospital about your MIL's friend.

OP - you need to get your DP to back you up.

Tortington · 03/10/2008 10:00

i wouldnt put myself through this. - i wouldn't go

Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 10:01

don't go round anymore...?
I wouldn't.

cheshirekitty · 03/10/2008 10:06

Have a funny mil story - nothing to do with thread, sorry.

mil goes to physio after she had a hip replacement 4 years ago. She has been wearing a caliper.

3 weeks ago, physio said to her "you can take the caliper off on Wednesday". sil has just told me mil has only been taking the caliper off every Wednesday - as that is what the physio said.

mil made sil phone physio before she would take the caliper off - it was a Thursday.

VinegarTits · 03/10/2008 10:15

I would say -

oh yes i know i dont produce enough milk mil but i still bf because i want him to be a nice slim child not like one of these chubby baby's

oh dont worry, having colds will build up his immune system, i have been leaving him out in the rain just so he catches them

Her face will be a picture

oeufflorentine · 03/10/2008 10:57

Every time my 4 yo has the slightest sniffle or the hint of a cough it's "Oh he's got a bad cold. have you taken him to the doctor ?"

he is my FOURTH child and she knows I don't run to the GP with them over the slightet thing. After years of this with each dc i finally (without totally losing it) told her very firmly

a cold is a virus; there is NOTHING the doctor can do
he caught said sniffle/little cough from another child at school/nursery, NOT because i hadn't dressed him properly.
if I went to the GP every time as suggested, we'd hardly be at home !
COLDS GET BETTER BY THEMSELVES.

tHIS IS THE SAME MIL WHO BUSTLED INTO the maternity ward to see dc1 far too soon after the birth, bringing fil, sil ad 2 cousins. August, hot ward, etc. The first thing she did was to look at new gc in his cot and put a bloody blanket on him in case he got cold !

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 03/10/2008 11:25

God really feel for you.

Could bore you all for hours with my mil from hell stories.

As everyone says, smile and ignore.

And annoying as she may be, it helps to remember that she is only doing this because she loves your child so much.

wastingmyeducation · 03/10/2008 12:07

I had a midwife support/breastfeeding lady do the talking to the baby thing about the swing I had in the corner of the room, that I'd used about twice!

MIL commented that five month old DS won't fit on my lap to feed soon. Subtle hint?

Take the educational approach - 'Well, actually, did you know that overheating a baby.....', she'll either accept that, or be so offended she'll shut up.

Rubysmom08 · 03/10/2008 12:22

Sorry I wittered on about me and didn't reply to OP.. Do what makes you happy, I ended up having a severe anxiety disorder when dd was 6 months because I had put up witgh all my mil threw at me.

Funny really as we sat her down and told her I was struggling and was now on medication she then proceeded to discuss my illness with anyone who would listen and sometimes even when I was there!

Great excuse for me telling her to shut her face though!

I am all betternow though- but you need to sit her down and explain that all of this interefrring is pushing you away and that equates to pushing her gc away. As much as she is trying to educate you you need to educate her.

Good Luck

By the way I didn't make a complaint wish I had though!

Megglevache · 03/10/2008 12:23

Just stick a boiled egg in her trap next time she moans.

Vic99 · 03/10/2008 12:26

My mil is also bad - I'm only 19 weeks pg but already she's told me she doesn't approve of dummies and has asked when she can look after the baby. She was also asking me what I'm going to do about childcare when I go back to work? I'm not due back to work until Feb 2010!!!!!

I am getting myself in knots about what she's actually going to be like when the baby is here...........

She's such a jealous person and knows that I will probably have my p's over to stay after baby is born because they live in France and are incredibly helpful understanding people - unlike her. But she's already told me that I shouldn't have anyone to stay as it's my time to bond with the baby! She only said that becuase she's jealous my p's will be here.

God it's good to have a rant. Dh has got a bit fed up with me bending his ear about how unbearable she is.

tearinghairout · 03/10/2008 12:30

On golly, vic - poor you. Just remember, you are in charge!! Not her. So don't be bullied.

namechangefersure · 04/10/2008 18:35

ruby's mom is so right.. you could end up really very unhappy indeed if you are undermined so perniciously and persistently.. i had serious bonding issues with my first (she used to take him out of my arms to stop him crying etc) just because of it

avoid her if you can until you feel rested and confident enough to be firm and not affected by what she says

sometimes these comments get to you even when you know they're wrong.. they can sow terrible doubt and it can blow your confidence to bits

amethyst86 · 04/10/2008 19:18

Oh the talking to the baby thing. My MIL did that. eg bathing DS, MIL says to him "Oh dear lets just put some more hot water in here because it seems that your Mummy likes you to have cold baths". Yes I love my kids being cold, Duvet at night? No chance, they'd be far too cosy. Always insisting that my kids needed bottles of boiled water when I was breast feeding them and being asked when I was going to start giving them "normal" milk.

Conversations slagging off Mum to baby not acceptable imo.

I avoided seeing the inlaws where possible especially as I was expected to leave the room to breast feed.

namechangefersure · 04/10/2008 19:44

yes amethyst..horrible memories.."do we think Mummy needs to move the cup away from the edge?" etc etc ad nauseum

good luck OP -- you know best for your baby and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

blueskythinker · 04/10/2008 21:37

Rubysmom08. I remember you posting about this before and being so angry on your behalf. Glad to hear you are feeling better.

NOgirlsallowed · 04/10/2008 21:57

Sounds like my mil. She once told me though that she was given the complete opposite advise to todays mums when she had her children (60s and 70s). Back then she was actually told that formula was better for babys because you could measure itout so you knew how much you were giving, it was healthier because it was fortified with vitamins and more hiegienic because you sterilized everything etc etc. Bf on the other hand was seen as old fashioned and a very wacky hippy thing to do. So her views even now reflect this. My mum (70s mum) has told me that whilst this is true (about advise given at that time) she now understands bf is best and indeed I was bf though not for 6 months.

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