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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do I do...

1 reply

teresaarliene · 02/10/2008 19:12

I don't even know where to start. I'm not married, I'm only engaged to this guy who I thought was the one for me. There use to be a time when I thought I would be lost without him, however I don't know that it's love that we have. Well I should say that I have for him. I know he loves me, he would do anything for me, he's already proven that. I use to find myself wanting to be with him, but I can't let myself love him because I was hurt in a previous marriage so my heart just won't open up to love.

I've been with other men since my divorce, however this is the one that I found myself wanting to be around. He loves me for me, I never had to make a big impression, he does anything I ask, he cleans, he cooks, he rubs my feet, and he never ask for anything in return. The only problem is that my family won't accept him becuase he's black and I'm white.

My new problem is that I need to know that I love this man, This is the man that makes me comfortable. I've always been overweight and he totally overlooked that, he's never brought up this... Now there's a new guy. No, I've not cheated. The new guy has recently moved in with my sister and her husband (the same house that i'm staying in). He came to me and told me that he's liked me for a long time, that i'm a good woman and that he wants to be with me. Now I find myself constantly thinking about this new guy and not even wanting to be with my current guy. Now I'm trying to find every flaw with my guy just to start a fight so he'll not speak to me. What is wrong with me?

I rejected the new guy when he came to me but now I can't stop thinking about him and what it would be like to be with him. Does this mean that i want to just leave my guy? How do I know? I'm going crazy.

OP posts:
wehaveallbeenthere · 02/10/2008 19:22

teresaarliene, Firstly, how long have you been divorced? Are you just wanting to be in a relationship?
Do you have a problem with black people or people that aren't white?
Love and feelings transcend the color of a person's skin. Society, however, can be very cruel and unrelenting.
I don't know what your previous marriage was like or what your family thought of your ex but your present fiance' sounds like a real catch.
You can always opt for a long engagement but only if you really love each other and you are just confused.
If it is that you found you want to be with someone else, whether it be skin color or your familys happiness you may find yourself lacking in both happiness and a loving, caring person.
How long had you been with your present fiance'? If a long time then you should probably consider all of the above and set a date.
If not then maybe you should let him go because there are other women out there that would appreciate a man like him and wouldn't consider his skin color to be a problem.
Whatever you decide, good luck to you both.

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