to feel upset that 5-yr-old DD hasn't been invited to a party?

[Treeny]

I genuinely feel upset on DD1's behalf about this, not cross. All the other little girls in her group of friends at school have been invited to a party - it doesn't seem to be a particularly small do, as they're all talking about it. Invitations went out earlier this week and they were all running round the playground excitedly with them. They've all been to each other's birthday parties.

At first I thought DD must be getting an invite at some point, but it seems not. I don't want her to be too upset about it or to think it's too big a deal, so I've just said to her that they probably don't have enough space for everyone, and you can't always invite every single one of your friends.

But she's sad about it, and I'm baffled. AIBU to care? They're a bit young to have got into little groups with people being 'in' and 'out' - they all play together.

I'm thinking of saying to the birthday girl's mum or dad tomorrow - in a friendly and un-cross way (I know the parents, but not really well) - that birthday parties are a nightmare, I know you can't invite everyone, but DD has asked why she's not invited and I don't know what to tell her. I would keep it as light as possible, and I wouldn't say that DD is upset about it.

Would that be out of order? Should I just let it go and use it as an opportunity to teach DD about dealing with life's disappointments?

My dd has had to move nursery and pre school so often that she NEVER gets invited to any parties. It doesn't help that she is now dropped off by our au pair and picked up by our child minder, so I'm not friends with any of the childrens' parents and tbh, I don't even know half of the children who she goes to school with!

She held a party for her birthday in June and I asked her who her friends were, she told me, we invited them, they turned up, had a great party-and she's never been invited back to any of their parties.

I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles, but I do often feel a little sad on her behalf (but I think a lot of that is down to my own guilt for being a crappy, FT working (well, at uni) mum

Its the policy in our school to not allow party invites to be given out in school. It is up to the parents themselves to do the inviting. I think this is best as it saves lots of hurt feelings for both the child and the parent as no-one wants their child to be unpopular!

I can completely see where the OP is coming from (we have all been there, I'm sure). Personally, I wouldn't say anything to the parents even though it must be heartbreaking for your poor DD. As someone else said, it's usually down to the parents who gets invited and it's probably nothing personal. I would definitely buy or give your DD a small treat to make up for it, if possible.

When my DCs were younger, I always had an 'all or nothing' mentality with their parties as I just couldn't bear to leave anyone out (and yes, that included the naughty kids as well because I am so soft!). For example, one year my DD invited all the girls in her class to a swimming party but the following year she took one friend to the theatre in London. This works well for us as a family, but it's obviously not practical for everybody.

I'm really glad my DCs are older as these problems don't really occur anymore.